As a survivor of severe and protracted childhood trauma you grew into adulthood without the life skills required to be a grown up.

Everything you were meant to learn, you did not. Most of what you did learn, you have to unlearn.

This is reality.

A Thread.
The more severe the childhood trauma, the less likely you will have much in the way of skill to navigate adulthood.

There is an increased risk that you you will have mental and physical health issues.

Because trauma most often happens in the family, you have lost roots too.
You may have huge gaps in your development, simply because you were trying to survive. Things like fiscal responsibly, education, personal hygiene, interpersonal relationships, identity, personal preferences, and personhood will probably be under developed.
To be clear, NONE of this is your fault.

Even so, it is NOW your responsibility to build 'a life worth living.'

Yes, I know you have to unlearn most of what you learned, and learn a truck load of what you didn't.

It's going to take decades.

Roll up your sleeves.
It is probable that you will not be able to learn all of this yourself, so you will need HELP.

It is also probable that no one person will be your teacher, but you must learn to be a student.

You don't know it all. You couldn't possibly.

Professional help is essential.
If you have attachment wounds, you may be prone to unhealthy attachments to unsafe people.

This MUST be explored with a PROFESSIONAL.

Your attachment wounds will go with you wherever you go.

Learning to love/trust and be loved/trusted in a healthy way will be a huge task.
It is tempting to look at other individuals/institutions to be the fulfillment of your unmet familial needs.

Others can never replace what you didn't get and they will always fall short of your exacting and unrealistic standards.

YOU must do the hard work to grieve this.
You MUST partner with SAFE others.

Relational wounds are healed in relationships.

You must also learn what safety looks/fees like.

To know that, you must also understand what ABUSE is, what predators do, and what trauma does to you specifically.
It's possible to stop stumbling around in the pain of the past.

You didn't break it, but you still have to fix it.

The work will be excruciating, but not as bad as going through it the first time, or the agony of not dealing with it.

I'm cheering for you.


End Thread.

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More from @LoriAnneThomps2

26 Jul
There are a few lessons that have been burned on my lips by abusers, that I would like to share.

Although these realities are raw, they are not rare.

A Thread.

1. No one is born a predator — they become. There is evidence to suggest a correlation to a combination of factors.
2. Early breaches in attachment, deformation of personality, environmental factors, adverse childhood experiences, mental illness, disposition, all contribute to the development of deviancy.

3. Strangely, what factors fashion a potential predator, also creates potential prey.
4. Hunters by nature, predators are often intuitive to human vulnerability in potential prey.

5. Potential prey may be aware of their vulnerabilities (insert any human need here).

6. Predators promote themselves as the answer to these human needs.
Read 8 tweets
24 Jul
There are so many reasons why predators are drawn to faith based communities.

1. They find safe harbour in naïveté.

2. They are often charming, articulate, manipulators who use human hunger for hope, connection, and redemption, in nefarious ways.
There are so many reasons why predators are drawn to faith based communities:

3. They use your willingness to look at yourself to deflect accountability for themselves.

4. They abuse holy writ and use it to traumatically sexualize the sacred.
There are so many reasons why predators are drawn to faith based communities:

5. Predators only hunt where there is a pool of possible prey: kids, adults, elderly... essentially any flock will have wolves around it, often within it.

Any real shepherd knows this.

Most do not.
Read 8 tweets
24 Feb
1. No one is born a sexual predator, they become one.

2. There are different sorts of predators with specific paraphilias but usually more than one sort.

3. A combination of attachment issues, personality disorder, cognitive distortions, and moral disengagement is at play.
4. Sexual predators start early and stay late. Early intervention can help. Most sex offender self report to lifetime offences.

5. They offend in their heads when they can’t offend with their bodies.

6. Recividism rates reflect getting caught, not actual offences.
7. Sex offenders should be treated — they should never be trusted.

8. The issue of redemption is a tricky one that I have wrestled with deeply.

9. Great evil requires a great remedy — those who commit the former, rarely want the latter.
Read 4 tweets
24 Feb
One thing that concerns me is discussion around sin and sexual abuse. To be sure, sex offenders sin against, others — but they do much more than the run of the mill sinfulness.

They hunt humans.
Sex offenders engage in various forms of sexual deviancy (paraphilias) and utilize in extensive cognitive distortions along with moral disengagement that the average human can’t comprehend.

It never even occurs to us.

Because we are not sex offenders.
Well meaning folks apply their own moral code to sex offenders.

This is a grave mistake.

You’d feel terrible if you hurt someone. You’d be wracked with guilt. You’d confess, repent, and never to it again.

You probably wouldn’t sexually abuse someone either.
Read 4 tweets
22 Feb
I wish I didn't know what it feels like to blame the victim, be the victim, love the offender, and wish with all my wisher that the allegations of abuse weren't true — but I do and they are.

What I can tell you is this — the only way through is truth as savage as what it seems.
I was ten when the first offender I knew blamed the victim.

I believed him.


Because I loved him.

Then I became the victim.

Then I loved her.
I left behind a brother who also believed him and blamed me.


Because he loved him.

Then he became the victim.

Then he loved me.
Read 4 tweets
22 Feb
I didn’t start speaking to become a personality — just a person. Having lost so much privacy, I only use this account for advocacy. I have FB, but I never use it, and IG is just for folks I actually know. I don’t know how to go on from here, but I’m committing to giving it a go.
I truly don’t know what this looks like right now, other than I know I need to get my frantic automatic nervous system settle down. I also need to clean my house, do that pile of laundry, and find the present a gift again. Bear with me. It’s been a time.
I keep looking at this yellow cottage on Change Island in Newfoundland — so that tells you how much retreat appeals to me. It take 34 hours to get there from here. Think me not brave. Yellow appeals to me — greatly.…
Read 4 tweets

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