#ADHD and meds is a weird relationship. I have ADHD and forget to get my refills sometimes. To a neurotypical person fixing this involves just calling their doc a day late fixes the problem. To someone with ADHD like mine the problem starts before I forget.

The first problem is the disability tax involved. I can't just get a prescription with automatic refills and see my doc every six months or every year. Each and every time I need meds I have to physically go to his office.
I have to pee in a cup to make sure I'm taking my meds. I have to pay for labs and an office visit. I have insurance so it's not a financial burden but along with the cost of meds it definitely is for some. What's hardest for me is the actual office visit.
Along with ADHD I have a phobia of medical personnel, yes a diagnosed phobia. Since I've been seeing this doc for > five years it's it that bad and since it doesn't involve getting a shot it's just a mild feeling of panic and not full on terror.
So just to get my meds I have to deal with a phobia. Then the first instance of rejection sensitive dysphoria kicks in. I have to tell my boss I'm taking a long lunch or some amount of time away during the day. This is absolutely nerve wracking.
While I know, rationally, that the company doesn't care there's always that voice telling me I've taken too much time - even though I have over a week of vacation left and the company doesn't count off for stuff like doc visits - and this is the request that gets me fired.
Once I power through that I still have to physically drive myself to the doc's office. This is the smallest of the hurdles because I enjoy driving but it's still a hurdle. The monetary tax on my disability is currently 25.00 USD for the visit and ~9.00 USD for the gas.
That's 34.00 USD a month just to be able to get the prescription and that doesn't even include the cost of the meds (they're affordable thanks to my insurance). Because some people abuse the medication I take I have to pay the cost.
These meds allow me to function almost like someone society considers normal but just to get the prescription there's a ~400.00 USD cost before I even get the meds. It's absolutely sickening. Add in three kids with ADHD and we pay over 1200.00 USD a year.
And that's just for ADHD meds. My gout medication is a three month supply in a single bottle and require me CALLING the doctor once a year to renew the prescription for 4 refills. Having a mental disability is expensive and it shouldn't be.
It costs more than money though. There's a lot of mental and emotional effort required to stay on top of refills and the laws surrounding these meds don't come anywhere near taking that into account and that's a very real cost for folks like me.
Then it comes down to having a couple of Vyvanse left and needing to call the doctor. My reminder goes off while I'm in the middle of something at work and I can't call. I don't reset the reminder because I was busy and it didn't even occur to me.
Fast forward three days, I'm out of meds and spriraling. I know I need to call the doc and get in for a refill. This where rejection sensitive dysphoria starts kicking me in the teeth. The receptionist at the office is gonna judge me for not calling sooner.
The nurse is gonna judge me because I've out on weight. The doctor is gonna think I'm an idiot because I am out of meds. I may or may not have the spell slots to deal with those dysphoric thought. If I don't then the call doesn't happen.
If I do then lather, rinse, repeat the first posts in the thread. So the call doesn't happen. The RSD creates a shame spiral and ever day it gets harder and harder to make that call. Eventually the frustration of dealing with unmedicated ADHD wins and I call.
Please note that the staff at my doc's office are all amazing. The receptionist asks about my son (also a patient) and the fried that referred me and has moved away. The nurse is always excited that my BP is now dead center normal (I stopped having an energy drink WITH my meds).
And the doc himself is quiet, listens well (to me, my wife felt differently), and has never once uttered a judgemental word. The issues are all rated to symptoms of ADHD and not based in reality at all.
The amount of mental and emotional effort required of a mentally disabled person just to be on their meds is directly related to the laws surrounding their meds. It's absolutely ridiculous and makes things worse for those of us who suffer through it.
That's just mental health. I cannot imagine being physically disabled and having to navigate all of this just for something as life changing as pain medication. I can't speak to the physical disability tax but I suspect it's even worse.
This last time the shame spriral lasted almost three months but I finally made the call last Friday and saw the doc Monday and have been back on my meds for two days. I wanted to post about this in case anyone was curious or going through the same thing.
I follow #askadhd and have learned a lot about my own condition by doing so. I don't have a solution to the mental and emotional tax required to manage ADHD in the US with the laws in their current state.
However if we decriminalized all drugs - yes even the ones you think are worse than some others - we could address the problems that led to the situation we're in now. We wouldn't need laws making folks with a neurological disorder piss in a fucking cup just to get their meds.
We could allow refills for the meds necessary to function like society wants us to. There's lots that could change in other areas but the legal bullshit around ADHD meds needs to change.
Thanks for coming to my #MorningRant. I hope that everyone from AskADHD that sees this feels a little less alone. Please endeavor to love everyone who crosses your path but also to love yourself. I love you all, yes every one of you. You're all absolutely amazing.

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More from @romeosidvicious

24 Aug
Fear isn't reason people aren't getting the vaccine. Well it kinda of is but that's a symptom and not the reason. Let me tell you a story about fear and getting the vaccine.

I have a diagnosed phobia of both medical personnel and shots. #GetVaxxedNOW #VaccinesWork
And no a phobia of shots doesn't affect being tattooed. Phobias, by definition, are irrational. This phobia is so bad that when I had a piece of bent metal in my foot that had rotated and wouldn't come out and was in the ER that I was having a panic attack just being there.
In pain, with a piece of a futon sticking out of my foot, I was arguing with the ER doc about trying to remove the metal without getting a local anesthetic. It's bad enough that I've been prescribed single valiums for normal doctor visits.
Read 22 tweets

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