I just read Bad Art Friend & I don't have any desire to comment on the specifics of the story or to defend/criticize either woman. However, I have seen some comments arguing kidney donors shouldn't brag about their donations & PLEASE don't let that be the message you take away
Again, I don't really care about this story. I care about KIDNEYS. Our country uses diseased donors & living donors, the latter being moved by altruism. We need MORE people to give their kidneys. A major way to get more people to give is for them to talk about their donation.
Sometimes we might find this irritating! "They only gave a kidney so they could feel good about themselves." Well, "kidney donation will make you feel good about yourself" is one way to get people to donate.
The National Kidney Donation Organization: "Be Someone's Gift of Life"
Altruism models depend on people actually talking about what inspired them to be altruistic. Sometimes altruism arises spontaneously in a human but, at other times, they need to hear, "This is how great it is to be altruistic!" Most people donate after hearing others' stories.
Donors are encouraged by organizations to do things like put these bumper stickers on their cars. "Be a Hero." "Share Your Spare" "Save A Life." Etc. If we didn't use this kind of messaging even fewer people would give kidneys and we need MANY MORE KIDNEYS.
And, again, if you find all of this irritating, but why does that matter as long as it has the good outcome of saving more lives? Maybe if MORE people bragged about donations on their cars, fewer people would have to be using their own cars to beg for kidneys.
The National Kidney Foundation WANTS people to share their stories!
Again, I am NOT commenting on the behavior of either woman in the story. I am talking about the responses to the story that say people should just be quiet about their altruistic behavior. No, they shouldn't be. It's one of the only ways we get more kidneys
Also, it is extremely important to encourage live non-directed donation. Deceased donor kidneys just aren't as good. And directed donation can place unintended pressure on families & friends. A non-direct donation from a stranger can remove pressure on someone else.
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We've also never had a real convo about the fact that Biden really did try to go as progressive as he possibly could & not only did the center punish him, the left punished him too. B/c it was never enough. These people aren't just a curse on Dems. They're a curse on progress.
If you actually go out & talk to voters, you will never hear the end of this sentiment: "Biden campaigned as a moderate; went too far left as POTUS." I'm talking about people who voted for Harris. It's what they believe.
Here's the thing: Maybe people wouldn't have this perception if more progressives had actually stood by Biden. Cheered him on. "Yay for progress!" But these narcissistic chuckleheads didn't do that, did they? No they just complained "not good enough."
This week I wrote an 11 page summary of violence my 6-yr-old stepson witnessed. I provided this to his biological mother. The bio parents each gave their accounts to the therapist. My stepson, based on my testimony, provided by bio mom, got enrolled into DV-specific therapy.
It is such a strange, horrific experience. To document one's own abuse so extensively for another woman. In this case, my partner's ex-wife. The rewards can feel so small. But therapy is not small. I told the truth. To other adults. A child will not live in that darkness alone.
That's how I got separated from all of my things. I had a whole escape plan. But I was so scared for my stepkids. I made a calculation. I asked their bio mom, "Will you use your legal power to put them in therapy?" She said, "Yes." Then I told her, "Ok, I'll give you everything."
Extreme interpersonal psychological abuse is, I am coming to understand, something we don't at all have a good cultural handle on and also much more frequent than I would have previously assumed.
The more I talk about psychological abuse--and I am cautious in speaking about it--the more people contact me & I realize it's something that has affected many lives. I wish I had been better educated on the matter.
I remember I texted a friend this summer and I was like, "Is this real?" And he was like, "Yes, it's fucking real and you need to get the fuck out of there. Now." He was my calmest, most analytical friend. Which is why I texted him. I didn't think he would be worried. But he was.
Just as a matter of shared truth/history: there was a period in the Summer of 2024 when Black Democrats were begging "activists," et al. to vote for Kamala Harris for the good of Black Americans & others who would be especially vulnerable under Trump. They were met w/ racism.
This is something that happened. Because it happened, we should acknowledge & document it, at the very least.
We can get into the details of the Israel vs. Hamas war, which, perhaps, could be more aptly named Hamas vs. Israel, given the belligerent party. Any reasonable person should see, however, that it was a long, complicated conflict over which the U.S. did not have that much control
My mom had been pressuring me to try to engage w/ some community & her focus was on the Orthodox church. I told her I'd prefer to visit the Reform synagogue close by, which welcomes people of all backgrounds.
(The Orthodox church here is absolutely lovely and always welcomes me too, in the most wonderful way; but it's just not the same kind of thing, with the same kind of community activities; There's other Orthodox related stuff in my history that I won't get into; & I'm independently interested in learning more about Judaism).
So anyway my mom's happy about the idea of synagogue attendance, but did tease me when I snuck away during this convo. "YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS STORY IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO SYNAGOGUE MAG!" She is probably right.
For the record!, my dad started giving his historically-informed 15 minute lecture on Uriah for an entirely different reason. We were watching a BBC adaptation of David Copperfield & one of the characters is named Uriah. Afterwards my dad was like, "Do we KNOW the story of Uriah the Hittite?"
My mom said to my dad, 'I know the story, but I'd like to hear you tell it again" and then snuggled down in her blanket for the long-haul. Knowing my Dad I already began to creep away, lol. His lectures are great, but it was like 11:00 at night. This is when my mother, probably appropriately, shamed me. I'll have to ask my father to tell the story again.
These kinds of interactions/transitions are the story of my life, lol. For example:
I'm interested in learning more about Judaism for many reasons, but a major one is that the closest thing I've ever had to a true spiritual experience is the music of Leonard Cohen. Cohen incorporates themes from many spiritualities in his music. I would like to learn more about his references to Judaism more specifically, out of intellectual interest, as well as to understand the feeling of spirituality I have experienced. His music opened a door to a broader curiosity I am interested in exploring.
The Arab peoples in Gaza and the West Bank are not more indigenous to the area than the Jewish people of that same region. This isn't a commentary on gov't policy. (The Settlers are bad). I just don't know why we accept "indigenity" as a truthful premise when it's not one.
People who practiced Judaism were in that region before people who practiced Christianity and both those people were there before the practice of Islam. This is a factual timeline. It should not be disputed. Or morally-repurposed. It's just what the timeline is.
I am getting more and more frustrated by the levels of untruth we accept. For apparently "moral" (?) reasons. Why do we accept "The indigenous people of Palestine" as a description in opposition to Jewish populations when that is just clearly false?