I am proud of @lottevanhalen for having an actionable plan on improving as a person and am so so blessed to have amazing friends like @IRLGuppy and @CariusVTuber who love me enough to put me aside, speak their mind, and allow me to trust them.

I need to apologize 🧵
First, I said incredibly insensitive things about a triggering topic and did not handle ED issues with the due diligence and care that it deserves.

I have been humbled by friends not just VTubers, but friends I've had for years to be more careful and mindful.

I'm so sorry
Second, I have been doing my best to let go and choose my battles more than I ever have in my life.

I am a people pleaser and try to balance so many interests even if they conflict. I try my best to keep a good hold on the fears, concerns, and dreams of so many
I have an ambition to create a space that embraces one another and my actions recently and in previous issues do not reflect my goals.

I am impulsive and my ADHD makes this hard. 9/10 times, I will handle things with care, respect, due diligence, and diplomatically privately
There are times where my anger becomes overwhelming and meets my sense of justice. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming and it feels like I am driven by a motor and I just *move* and act. It's like it's primal and I act by instinct and intuition rather than by facts
What I have done to @lottevanhalen is inexcusable and blew things way out of proportion no matter what we all think about the issue. It was not my place to even interject.

As a result, I ended up hurting her and too many friends, whom I hold dearly, as a result of my actions
And this is not the first time this harm has been caused to people I love and care so much about.

I have seriously been working on this and I slipped these past few days into old, bad habits despite the work I have done to grow from this rage
Third, I was mean spirited behind the scenes and was nasty unnecessarily so about this situation. Another bad habit that I slipped into that I normally don't do with controversy and other sensitive things.

I have no excuse for this and will be working on this.
There's more that I can explain, but I'm feeling nauseous, dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out.

I feel terrible for how I have behaved and how much my actions have affected people I love.

I think in general, I will stay in my lane and be more diligent with research
I would also implore everyone to stop sending me "bad people". I am not a super hero or a super villain. I'm not some "Godmother" mafia figure that you come to for favors to take people out

I am Reikan. I want people to help uplift one another. I need help, not enabling my flaws
I will continue growing as a person, but it's become apparent that I need help and that eyes are on me with everything I do--us all. Your actions reflect me as does mine on you all.

We all need to do our best to talk to one another more and cut this shit out
This shit is destructive and isolating. Culturally speaking, we are creating an environment of fear, not love.

Times have changed and who we surround ourselves with isn't black and white. We are human and deserve second chances.

We must find better ways of handling conflict
I believe in redemption.

I am no angel. I used to be a GamerGater and used to say horrible shit. I slip even then time to time. I casted a stone in a glasshouse and now am feeling the consequences of my actions once again.

We need to have hope. We cannot afford to be nihilistic
We cannot afford to continue to be jaded by our traumas and pasts. We must move on and help one another.

We only have one another and our own selves. Nobody is coming to save us nor am I your savior. I am human working with other humans. We make mistakes and aren't perfect
When we look into the abyss, we need to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. We currently are the abyss and we've become too jaded to recognize this.

We must do better as well. We must rise above and find different ways of change.
As I debut tomorrow, I will no longer participate or instigate callouts n shit like that. I will do my best to rise above that and find other ways of handling these situations even if I perceive a stubbornness bigger than my efforts can handle.

I implore you to join me in this
That being said, I will continue to tackle abusers, pedophiles/groomers, etc folks of such overwhelming harm. However, anything else? We must do better.

Please help me do better and lead by example.

I love you all and I hope we can heal from this.

• • •

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More from @CriticalReikan

5 Oct
Reasons why Networking threads and "skinny ratio" doesn't work: CONVERSION. Just bc someone follows you on Twitter doesn't necessarily mean they'll watch you on Twitch and YouTube. I'm willing to bet most of the average viewership of folks like this comes from Twitch, not Twitter
If her Twitch viewership looked anything like her networking threads, which gives an illusion of high engagement periodically, then her numbers would be much higher than what meets the eye as well
Read 9 tweets
4 Oct
At 3pm MST on 10/08, I will have my subathon debut to raise money to move out of this hellhole I live in as an abuse survivor living with my abuser.

The theme of my debut is: “Fuck y’all. I’m here to stay” to haters, my abuser, and friends who never believed in me. FAQ subathon debut  Raising money to move out of an abusive Uncapped. 1 sub = 5 min. 100 bits = 1 min. $1 = 1 min. 1 com
If you’d like to support me now, then please use my Ko-Finto do so! I’m currently having a sale underway with my consulting services 50% off!

I have memberships as well with different benefits!

Likes and RTs of this subathon are also appreciated
ko-fi.com/criticalreikan
Read 5 tweets
4 Oct
Nya-hallo~

Here’s one of the first surprises I have!

10 new emotes drawn by my lovely bab @Slayer_Kid!!!

🧵

#Art4Rei
@Slayer_Kid works really quick and prides themselves in that work ethic!
Wait, I’m a fucking bimbo aaaaaaa @Slayer_Kid made 11 for me!!!
Read 4 tweets
3 Oct
One of the most amazing things about good sex with a person who actually genuinely likes you and is quite literally interested in you is the way it makes you feel *wanted*, y'know what I mean??

Genuine curiosity in *you* as a person. It's incredibly wholesome.
Im passing and Im blessed to be beautiful, but transphobia is still there and present for me even if it's not intended with even friends who for nearly all contexts are amazing to me, when it comes time to have fun with one another in a sexual way

When it isn't, it's blissful
It's a weird feeling when subconscious transphobia is the reason you get rejected for something while you have sex. The rejection you feel even if you're passing and beautiful like I am is that you know fully well that a person is attracted, but has psychological blocks
Read 4 tweets
26 Sep
The way in which misogynists in fandom expect women to dress, how to behave, how to exist is not a truth to market demands, but a constant, reinforcing cultural decay born from objectifying us.

The misogynist's illogical idea of how we ought to be trumps our needs as people
What exists as a market, born from fandom, are the collective norms created (in real time) by fellow misogynists, amongst themselves, irregardless of how anybody thinks outside of their narrow-minded bubbles.

What is true FEELS true bc it FEELS normal among them and friends
Misogyny sits in a weird place in society as being absurdly normal while actively being discouraged and undermined everywhere. In the digital abyss lies corners of the internet that create alternative realities for themselves to escape reality itself and coddle one another's egos
Read 8 tweets
25 Sep
Like and Retweet if you think it's fine for VTubers to show who's behind the model.

Also, being an thot that makes people think kinda owns. Fuck you. I hope you don't come back to making content, you vile, misogynistic, soggy chicken nugget looking motherfucker
What point is there to disprove? You want to talk about virtual talent, but don't care about the talent behind the model?

People are still human and have every right to showcase who they are regardless of market demands and what "should" be normal

Misogyny isn't an opinion, it's bigotry. There's nothing to respect here and you deserve every bit of backlash and ire coming at you rn

Read 4 tweets

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