happy national coming out day to my straight boy bestie, whom i was worried would act weird, who barely registered the coming out part and tearfully asked if this meant i had a bf i’d be doing a joint halloween costume with instead of him
he’s visiting in a couple weeks and all he can talk about is the halloween costume. like nothing else has made a dent not even my bisexuality
i think he actually just probably checked my twitter once or something and didn’t mention it to me because there is no way i talk about the dad from the brady bunch THAT much. there…there’s…there’s no…
big day for the whole squad! learning a lot asking a lot
here’s a stupid-ass thing i just made about superman’s kid coming out, seeing as it’s the day of coming-outs

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More from @kristoferthomas

12 Oct
seeing all these random people annoyed superman is bi…like give me one good reason it matters? who cares. who cares???? you’re mad a fictional character likes men? it’s a cartoon ultimately baby like go outside LMAO
“SUPERMAN’S SON IS BISEXUAL. THIS IS—” are you out of your goddamn mind? superman? SUPERMAN? like are you worried about seeing him at the store or something? are you worried he’s gonna hop off the screen and whip his tights off and start sucking your ding dong? LMAO
“there’s this cartoon guy who flies around in a cape stopping crime. he has a son flying around in a cape stopping crime. the son also likes men. in this fictional universe, in fucking movies, some guy’s son is bisexual, and this is sacrilegious.” like do you hear yourselves LMAO
Read 6 tweets
11 Oct
why was everyone so surprised the zodiac killer's name was "gary"? "omg he was just some guy named gary"...would "tim" or "bill" have been more comforting? lol
what should his name have been? “zodiaco”? like what do you have against “gary”? what about “gary” conveys an inherent innocence another common name would have somehow evaded?
would you keep this energy if his name was “fart”? what about “fart”. like it comes out we’re wrong about “gary”, and now you have to run around being like “some guy named FART was the zodiac killer, so..never let a man hurt you! 💯” and you’ll look foolish. is that what you want
Read 5 tweets
10 Oct
what is it about being trans that makes old men feel it’s apt to call me “boy”? like brian i have 6 inches and 40 pounds on you, i will snap your rogaine’d ass in half
i’m looking directly down at your bald spot dude why is your chaser ass trying to talk down to me right now? speak up old man i can’t hear you up here!
when i say this man picked the WRONG DAY to fool around… Image
Read 4 tweets
10 Oct
I 👁 am the ultimate 💯 alpha 😤 male 👦. I 👁 only climax 😰😓😵 for 1 🎄 of 2 🕝 reasons 🌟. I 👥 either ↔ climax 😰 for the purpose 😈 of reproduction 🌼💦 with a beautiful 😍 woman 👩 (because that's ✔ the only kind 🙁 of woman 👩 worthy 💸 of me) or I 👁 climax 😰 for the
purpose 😈 of free 💜 protein 💪. I 👥 need 😩🙅‍♀️ immense 😱 protein 🍗 to maintain 🐃🌞🚶🏽 my ultimate 💯 alpha 😤 male 👦🍆 body 💃, and 4-5 😓 cum 💦 loads 💦 a day 📆 is sufficient ✔ for me. It's not gay 🏳️‍🌈 it its mine ⛏, but 🍑 I 👁 wouldn't ❌ expect 🤗 you 👈 pathetic 😱
beta 🤓 males 👨 to understand 🤔💡. I 👁💰 bet 👍 you 👉 waste 🗑⬅⌚ your 👈 seed 🌾💦 into napkins 📃, tissue 🧻, and tube 🧪 socks 🧦. How sad 😢, wasting 🗑 all 💯👌👀 that protein 🍗. Wasting 😋 all 💯 those offspring 👼🙇. Its optimal 🥺 for me to masturbate 🍆💦 with my
Read 5 tweets
10 Oct
sometimes i hear trans friends talk about their dating life and the trials & tribulations they’re going through and i just think…you need to date trans people
whenever a trans person doesn’t include trans people of whichever relevant gender(s) in their dating pool…i just think…you need to start…your life will change
date cis people in addition if you wish, by all means! i do! just…decentering cis people from your dating life in terms of prioritizing their way of…just…their everything…will do you so much good
Read 4 tweets
9 Oct
my BESTIE! Image
aren’t we so cute 😭
this was taken a little while ago and i just got it today. i repeat are we not so cute 😭
Read 4 tweets

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