If you have been abused the following are your responsibilities:

1. Seek to understand what made you vulnerable, other than your common humanity.

2. Seek to understand the nature of victimology and the playbook of predation — this will help you to protect yourself and others.
3. Work hard to integrate the pre trauma you with the post trauma you.

If there never was a pre trauma you, you have to find the you that you would have been.

It's brutal but you are beautiful.

Find the beauty.
4. Abuse, by its very nature, is nonconsensual.

Guilt and shame over the grooming process is pointless.

You as the victim presumed the good, the predator premeditated evil.

Grooming reflects the guilt of the predator and the guilelessness of the prey.
5. Finding safety and stability in an unsafe and unstable world is a rescue mission.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to seek and keep real safety and authentic stability while you process the trauma.

Eventually, you will reintegrate into a purposeful life.
6. Abuse steals agency, voice, and choice — recovery will restore these.

This takes years of hard work.

Be warned.

The years pass regardless of whether or not you do the work.

Be encouraged.

Resources are required but your response is the one thing you can control.
7. Abuse was not your choice or responsibility, no matter how "____" you were when it happened.

Recovery, however, is.

The former was disempowering, the latter is empowering.

Seek to empower yourself.

I am CHEERING for you (quietly) from Canada.


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More from @LoriAnneThomps2

15 Aug
As a survivor of severe and protracted childhood trauma you grew into adulthood without the life skills required to be a grown up.

Everything you were meant to learn, you did not. Most of what you did learn, you have to unlearn.

This is reality.

A Thread.
The more severe the childhood trauma, the less likely you will have much in the way of skill to navigate adulthood.

There is an increased risk that you you will have mental and physical health issues.

Because trauma most often happens in the family, you have lost roots too.
You may have huge gaps in your development, simply because you were trying to survive. Things like fiscal responsibly, education, personal hygiene, interpersonal relationships, identity, personal preferences, and personhood will probably be under developed.
Read 9 tweets
26 Jul
There are a few lessons that have been burned on my lips by abusers, that I would like to share.

Although these realities are raw, they are not rare.

A Thread.

1. No one is born a predator — they become. There is evidence to suggest a correlation to a combination of factors.
2. Early breaches in attachment, deformation of personality, environmental factors, adverse childhood experiences, mental illness, disposition, all contribute to the development of deviancy.

3. Strangely, what factors fashion a potential predator, also creates potential prey.
4. Hunters by nature, predators are often intuitive to human vulnerability in potential prey.

5. Potential prey may be aware of their vulnerabilities (insert any human need here).

6. Predators promote themselves as the answer to these human needs.
Read 8 tweets
24 Jul
There are so many reasons why predators are drawn to faith based communities.

1. They find safe harbour in naïveté.

2. They are often charming, articulate, manipulators who use human hunger for hope, connection, and redemption, in nefarious ways.
There are so many reasons why predators are drawn to faith based communities:

3. They use your willingness to look at yourself to deflect accountability for themselves.

4. They abuse holy writ and use it to traumatically sexualize the sacred.
There are so many reasons why predators are drawn to faith based communities:

5. Predators only hunt where there is a pool of possible prey: kids, adults, elderly... essentially any flock will have wolves around it, often within it.

Any real shepherd knows this.

Most do not.
Read 8 tweets
24 Feb
1. No one is born a sexual predator, they become one.

2. There are different sorts of predators with specific paraphilias but usually more than one sort.

3. A combination of attachment issues, personality disorder, cognitive distortions, and moral disengagement is at play.
4. Sexual predators start early and stay late. Early intervention can help. Most sex offender self report to lifetime offences.

5. They offend in their heads when they can’t offend with their bodies.

6. Recividism rates reflect getting caught, not actual offences.
7. Sex offenders should be treated — they should never be trusted.

8. The issue of redemption is a tricky one that I have wrestled with deeply.

9. Great evil requires a great remedy — those who commit the former, rarely want the latter.
Read 4 tweets
24 Feb
One thing that concerns me is discussion around sin and sexual abuse. To be sure, sex offenders sin against, others — but they do much more than the run of the mill sinfulness.

They hunt humans.
Sex offenders engage in various forms of sexual deviancy (paraphilias) and utilize in extensive cognitive distortions along with moral disengagement that the average human can’t comprehend.

It never even occurs to us.

Because we are not sex offenders.
Well meaning folks apply their own moral code to sex offenders.

This is a grave mistake.

You’d feel terrible if you hurt someone. You’d be wracked with guilt. You’d confess, repent, and never to it again.

You probably wouldn’t sexually abuse someone either.
Read 4 tweets
22 Feb
I wish I didn't know what it feels like to blame the victim, be the victim, love the offender, and wish with all my wisher that the allegations of abuse weren't true — but I do and they are.

What I can tell you is this — the only way through is truth as savage as what it seems.
I was ten when the first offender I knew blamed the victim.

I believed him.


Because I loved him.

Then I became the victim.

Then I loved her.
I left behind a brother who also believed him and blamed me.


Because he loved him.

Then he became the victim.

Then he loved me.
Read 4 tweets

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