Malignant narcissist ex turned me into his greatest defender. His biggest ally and advocate. That is how cunning the manipulation was. He never showed me the behavior he showed to his victims, until I became his next victim.

But right up until that point in time, I was love
bombed, charmed, doted on, manipulated, and kept in the dark so the only truth I knew was that he was a good man who cared about me and would never treat a woman the way these other women had described.

I defended him openly and willingly against horrifying allegations. Against
Other women who would otherwise have been friends. I fell for it.

I’m not a stupid woman. These tactics are studied and written about in textbooks because these tactics work. They work on smart people. They work on folks who are willing to see the good in others. They work on
people who have never come across anyone as cunning, manipulative, or evil as a malignant narcissist.

I was made into a fool. I carry that embarrassment with me. And when I was finally made into the next victim, he had so much leverage on me and had debased me to such a degree
that he was ASSURED I would never speak out. Because to tell the truth about who he was and what he had done would also be to out myself as a bad person too.

It wasn’t until I held myself accountable, years later, tracked down his other victims and apologized sincerely for my
role and offered to make any and all amends to them that I finally reclaimed and reprocessed my shame. We ended up as friends and allies because we all fell for it. And we could share that experience as survivors.

Why am I disclosing my biggest regret? Because hiding empowered
him and reclaiming my voice ended his reign of terror. Speaking openly empowered me more than just about anything else.

There are MANY of you who are shocked and embarrassed to know that you’ve followed and engaged with predators. I will say this clearly one more time... their
behavior is their own responsibility. Nobody is immune to the manipulation. Their tactics are cunning. If you fell for it, you are normal. The very best, strongest, smartest, and most good-hearted people fall for their deception. It can happen to anyone. Anyone who tries to see
the good in others first. That is why they keep you around. Because they know that you will defend them when it’s time. And that is not on you, that is on them.

Please don’t beat yourself up. Let them carry their own shame. Let them carry accountability for their own choices.

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More from @kari_jerge

11 Oct
There are well known and widely established predators within MedTwitter. Everything from textbook sexual harassment to grooming of vulnerable women, etc etc.

I’ve been discussing this for a long time. And wouldn’t you know, I pop back in from a Twitter break and a handful are
getting called out.

Now under normal circumstances, I would consider myself much too big a person to ever say “I told you so.” But these dudes had it coming.

So here is me, with my big girl pants on...

Read 5 tweets
8 Oct
Medical peeps:

There are a TON of indications for surgery.

As surgeons, our job is to know them, by heart, forwards and backwards, in the middle of the night, and on holidays and weekends.

Our job is to sit down with patients and carefully weigh the risks, benefits, and
alternatives to the best of our ability and to the best abilities of the patient and their surrogates and family.

The list of reasons to not do surgery is even longer. I would love to do a thread on that but the list is so long that y’all would get bored.

Not everyone needs
a new scar, yall. We are not mechanics, so operating because another doctor told you to isn’t an indication for surgery either.

The list is long and distinguished. Those are all the things we don’t teach very well in surgical residency. Those are the lessons the Gods of Surgery
Read 4 tweets
7 Oct
Grab on to your people. Take every possible opportunity to tell them that you love them. Unconditionally.

Even if you think they know. Say it anyway.

Then prove it.
Had a heart to heart with a guy who means the world to me. He needed to know that he was always going to have my love and respect, no matter what. Whether he weighs 400 lbs or 180. Whether he flunks out or not. Whether he does his own dishes or not. He is loved just for who he
is, not what he does.

It still takes my breath away that kids these days are allowed to live a single day without being given these messages.

I have no clue how to parent. I claim no insight and zero righteousness. But one thing I know is this:

Every kiddo needs
Read 6 tweets
6 Oct
Abuse runs in families.

It is a generational disease. I count myself lucky to know several cycle breakers. The folks who say “come hell or high water, this stops with me.”

Sometimes it means fighting like hell to get healthy and to survive and thrive. Sometimes it means not
having your own children. Cycle breakers take a lot of forms. But every single one is brave, determined, and incredibly strong. They are willing to make hard choices to make sure the abuse dies with them.

If you think about it, that is about as brave as it gets. Nobody should
have to be that brave. And the reason it is so rare is because breaking the cycle is incredibly difficult to do.

For every victim and survivor who feels stuck -doomed to repeat history- I honor your struggle and send you my love.

For every victim and survivor who is still
Read 6 tweets

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