Judge: Do you know how stupid that is?
Me: No *stares*
Judge: REALLY incredibly stupid.
Me: *stares in explain tho*

Only 11am and already made it to name calling.

I already know I’m def gonna head I stink. 🤣Y’all didn’t know Court is just elementary shit in fancy clothes.

Yall this smell is offensive as hell, I can barely stand smelling myself. Giving myself a headache and gagging a little. My stench is basically warfare at this point 🤣 and I don’t hate that for me.
Continuously getting closer while person casually tries to keep a distance is a fun dance I never knew I needed in my life.
No one is addressing the elephant in the room. Just failing to look casual while attempting to avoid being too close to me. Eventually you gotta say something right?
Sitting here with the door open, my head hanging out the car. Haven’t even been able to make it *inside* the car yet.

I’m owed damages.
I swear if a single one of you come in my mentions at a time like this with “well actually”

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More from @fodderyfodder

13 Oct
Makin moves over here fam, got provisions at Walgreens. Nair is on my legs cookin and now we are driving to the courthouse. This is gonna work out exactly as it did in my head, I’m sure of it
Omg this is not going well 🤣🤣
I didn’t remember this smell… it might have gotten worse cause I feel like I’d remember the unique smell of deep fried asshole. Twitter needs a scratch and sniff feature, this needs to be smelled to believed. Also for all those obviously thinking—
Read 7 tweets
13 Oct
When pros arguments against defense motions are so illogical, so irrelevant, and so not pertaining to even the most basic facts of the case…that you realize…they have *NOT* read their own case file…
THIS IS NOT A DRILL— Nobody move a muscle just to make sure this is *real*

My face saying, can’t refute all the very knowing things you’ve just said. Take your flowers and your W while I inconspicuously give thanks to anti-carceral Jesus
Me, to me- “look at you activating sleath mode and carpe’ing your fucking diem.”
Read 4 tweets
19 Sep
“I wish to remain silent and would like to speak to my attorney” say nothing else, repeat as many times as necessary until encounter is ended by police. You are a parrot, a broken record, you only know that sentence. Repeat it. Wear it out.
Now this Q keeps coming up— how to go about getting an attorney once arrested so this is my advice with the caveat that you don’t qualify for a public defender— if you do qualify you invoke silence+Attny and will be appointed a PD
I’m sharing what I have arranged in the event I get arrested—
Read 21 tweets
19 Sep
Defense attorneys* rarely speak to media for ethical reasons but also because it rarely benefits our client. Police and the DAs office often use the media to manipulate the public perception prior to even making an arrest.

*skilled defense attorneys
That no arrest has been made means THEY DONT HAVE ENOUGH TO EVEN MAKE AN ARREST. But they will start demonizing a potential suspect in the media, build negative public perception, convict someone in the court of public opinion, all without even enough evidence to arrest someone
They do this on purpose— it increases the pressure to make that person talk to them, it is scary for someone so their behavior becomes erratic (as we all do in the scariest of times) working against themselves in public opinion, and it also taints a jury pool.
Read 7 tweets
18 Sep
“Lawyering up” is the smart thing to do when you are the suspect of a crime and in no way is indicative of guilt. You seek out experts/professionals in every other facet of your life for every other problem— plumbing issue? You call a plumber. Health issue? You see a doctor.
For every single problem, we ask for help navigating and solving that problem but somehow when it comes to your actual freedom or your life, asking a lawyer for assistance is spun as guilt. Y’all sure have some dumb takes for knowing better.
You know who doesn’t want you to hire an expert to assist you navigating the complex and coercive criminal system? Police. You know whose propaganda you are buying into when you demonize people who acknowledge they need a lawyer? Police.
Read 8 tweets
18 Sep
As a lawyer and a criminal lawyer, I would not speak to the police. Not even if they said I wasn’t a suspect of the crime. Sure as hell not if they said I am. Not after arrest. Not even after my lawyer is present. Not to my cellie. Not to anyone in jail. I’m mute now.
That’s to say if I, a criminal lawyer, am acknowledging I’m susceptible to the coercive pressures used by police to lure me into a false confession. You, a lay person, stop thinking it’s in any way reasonable to think you can convince police you’re innocent.
Police are trained to get the confession, they spend a lot of time learning the methods to confuse you, twist your words, ask confusing questions, wear you down, break through your defenses that *any* person, any person at all is vulnerable to making a false confession
Read 8 tweets

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