Every girl in this place has a crush on the same teen security guard, yes I am at a Target on a strip mall on 95 because I needed WiFi and have a quick turnaround on something I just produced, yes I am monitoring the situation.
He says please and thank you and I’m sorry and yes ma’am, a respectful king, the local teens will not stop saying hi to him and interrupting his labor.
Honestly a wizard, older girls and younger girls keep stopping to talk to him. I sense that he plays lacrosse.
Everybody who works at this Target has friends who also work at this Target, is what I've figured out. This Target rules.
All the actual adults in this Target are sending out great vibes. A woman just gave a man a pep talk about healing right before my very eyes at this Starbucks franchise.
Should I fill out an application
A few of you tweeted at me to take a photo of a TEEN security guard. That is a legal minor, yikes. I don’t put up images with children’s faces unless their parents give permission, please Google “boundaries.”
Also why would I disrupt the sanctity of the Target? This is a happy space for all, dammit.
Just know that this Target is a lovely happy Target that is like a movie version of a Target if Target paid for product placement. Everyone who works here is acting like Barb and Star when they still had their job at Jennifer Convertibles in Nebraska.
I will protect these Target employees with my life.
A girl who works at this Target is trying to take classes at some school and a lady heard her talking about it and told her she happens to work at that school, email her and she will help her enroll in these classes.

I feel Jesus in this Target tonight.
I finished my work like thirty minutes ago, this Target is just a great time.
A girl who makes coffee asked the teen security hero if he wants coffee and he said yes, what kind is the best and she goes "I'll surprise you" OMG I must take my leave of these youths now and float on but I will always love you, random Target off 95.
Earlier he was all, "Hi" and she was all, "What are you doing?" and he was all, "Working at Target," we have a deadpan KING on our hands, I hope they go to prom, okay goodbye.
I miss my Target family.

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More from @SaraJBenincasa

10 Oct
Tonight, for truly no reason at all, I’m going to tell you the story of how a cannoli once saved my life.
As I’m sure you would expect, this story involves the great borough known as Staten Island.
Also there’s implied banging, this story is PG-13, hide your kids.
Read 53 tweets
5 Oct
I might get a spray tan for Halloween and go as the version of myself that moved to Toms River and raised three Catholic kids, please stand by.
It’ll still be hot, just a different kind of hot. The pastabilities are endless.
I would have to get acrylics, which scares me because sometimes it hurts to take them off but Halloween is a time for art and I am an artist.
Read 5 tweets
2 Oct
I’m listening to a biography of Leonardo da Vinci and basically everybody is like “you’re somebody’s bastard son, and also gay, that’s OK, you’re really smart and nice and funny and hot and good at drawing and we all want to fuck you, just keep drawing stuff, here’s money!”
And even his grandfather was like “oh my God I totally love my bastard grandson, he’s so cool, he can grow up here on my land, he’s totally fun to hang out with” like LOL what
Leonardo da Vinci came from a family of notaries, but because he was not an “official” son and his father never officially made him part of the family, he never got pressured to go into business. They were like “this cute bastard needs to learn how to paint, he is so dreamy!”
Read 279 tweets
28 Sep
#neiledit Thanks @NEILMAHONEY. I got your letter opener. If you’re mad about it we can argue in the next lifetime. Everybody contact a friend you really appreciate today and remind them that you love them and that you will take their shit if they do the ultimate Irish goodbye. ❤️
By the end of the night I had a Neil candle, Neil T-shirt & 3 Neil pins, plus a letter opener. (Commemorative cup not pictured.) They were donuts & corn dogs & a video of @LisaLoeb ❤️ covering Steely Dan. @PFTompkins sang. It was awfully wonderful & terribly great. #neiledit
Read 5 tweets
27 Sep
I would like to recommend having a Millennial supervisor, producer, manager or boss who reminds you to not check emails when you’re on vacation and that rest is important. It is shockingly refreshing. (Remember when people got mad at Millennial interns for being too chill LOL)
I HAVE ALSO HAD TWO BOOMER BOSSES WHO WERE THE SAME WAY ABOUT TAKING REST AND TIME. It was wild. It made the teams in those jobs do better work and be more creative. One was an office job, one was food service.
I’ve had negative experiences but it just feels better to celebrate the good bosses/supervisors/editors/showrunners/etc. Maybe the devious reverse psychology of encouraging rest makes us wanna work more?
Read 6 tweets
25 Sep
Once I got Plan B while hungover still on a date with a nice man in NYC, and he insisted on paying for it, and the pharmacist said, "THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE!" and it was honestly the best, yes I will participate in this sponsored hashtag. #ThankYouPharmacists
I tried to pay for it and the man and the pharmacist said NO WAY. Allies, truly.
I think maybe the pharmacist was working out something personal, mostly they don't ever comment on your personal choices, but you know what, good for her, she picked the right audience. And that guy was very thoughtful.
Read 9 tweets

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