The amazing thing about fiction written by people who haven't been in hospitals is-

Look, my experience isn't universal but the scariest thing to ME in hospitals is how much people DON'T treat you special even though you're seriously ill or dying.
[Medical Trauma] I've been in situations where I, or a loved one, or even just the person in the next room over was *screaming* in agony, and nurses don't even quicken their step. For you, you're dying. For them, it's just another Tuesday. They're in no hurry.
[Medical Trauma] In some ways, that kind of discipline might be a good thing! You don't want people rushing around, falling over, making mistakes.

But it's inherently scary when you're screaming and thrashing and crying, and the experts in the room are treating it like nothing.
[Medical Trauma] I've been discharged while I was in agony. Kissmate has been discharged while he was in agony. ERs will straight up send you home because "we don't know what's wrong with you, but you're not dying. The ER is for stabilizing dying people, not for diagnosis."
(If they don't know what's wrong with you, how can they be so sure you're not dying??? They won't say. You leave, because you can't force them to treat you.)
[Medical Trauma] Even once you're admitted with a Serious Condition, nurses and technicians will talk over you like you aren't there. They'll talk about you. They'll take things away from you, sometimes out of your own hands! They do things to you and don't care if you protest.
[Medical Trauma] Not all nurses, of course. But a lot of them. Way too many of them. So I have to laugh at sentiments about how people treat you differently when you're sick and dying. They DO treat you differently, but not how you'd think. You become an object, not a person.
[Medical Trauma] The literal last time I went to the ER--with a bursting gallbladder, though we didn't know it--I sat in a chair and moaned, wept, shook, and occasionally just straight up passed out, while a very bored nurse silently took my vitals and said NOTHING.
[Medical Trauma] Not a word of gentleness, not a simple "well, don't worry, we're going to get you fixed up". I passed out in the chair at one point from the pain and Kissmate had to steady me from slumping forward and nobody else cared. It's hugely dehumanizing.
[Medical Trauma] One of the worst traumas I've ever had was spending the night in ICU after a spinal fusion. The pain meds weren't working on me, so I was at full post-surgical pain. Two techs came in to put xray sheets under me for a measurement.
[Medical Trauma] They were talking to each other when they came in. I was weeping and begged them to get help because I was hurting so much. I told them I didn't want them to move me for the xray. I said no.

They ignored me the whole time and kept on with their convo.
[Medical Trauma] Just hauled me around like a sack of potatoes, ignoring me saying "no" and "stop". Just kept talking about their conversation, like I was inaudible. A ghost, an object.

Good times in the ICU.
[Medical Trauma] We've got a really messed up healthcare system and everything about it has been highly politicized, but I don't blame anyone who is more willing to suck down horse meds than go to a hospital. They're WRONG, and they're getting people KILLED, but I get it.
[Medical Trauma] Like, please do NOT take horse meds, please go to the hospital. But!! TAKE AN ADVOCATE WITH YOU. Take someone who isn't sick and who can say "wait, no, stop, what are you doing, cut that out."

Because they don't listen to sick people when we say it.
[Medical Trauma] Kissmate and I have taken turns being sick--and remember that he passes as male but people think I'm female--and it's FASCINATING how the doctors and nurses will often listen to the "well" partner and ignore the "sick" partner in the ER.
[Medical Trauma] If I'm the well one and Kissmate is sick, they'll defer to me as the "wife" and answer my questions and (mostly) do as I say. If I'm the sick one and Kissmate is sick, they'll talk to the "husband" and let him call the shots. We went to several ERs this year.
[Medical Trauma] I think we went to the ER 4 times and across 2...or 3 ERs total. And 2 Urgent Care centers. And it was the same every time except once, when the doctor on-call spoke to Kissmate (the sick one) like his opinion was the one that mattered (it was!).
[Medical Trauma] Anyway, I don't have a point here. Just venting about the gap between what hospitals are vs. what abled people think they are. Doctor-shows on television are their own kind of copaganda.

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More from @AnaMardoll

14 Oct
If you have known for 6+ months that you're trans, can I ask you a question about your name?

"W/ similarities" would be like...from Alexandra to Alex, or Brianna to Brian, or Courtney to Curt, or Allen to Lena, or Leah to Elliott (El-leah-t).
Cis people, please retweet! You get +5 ally points, redeemable at any Queerty store near you! 😉
Clarity: this is about what name you use for yourself, not whether you've gone through the legal hoops to change it.

I'm curious about how we name ourselves.
Read 4 tweets
14 Oct
People have criticized Dorland for pushing the Boston Book Festival not to print the story, but it was about to go out to a *whole city*. Dorland's cause is kidney donations, and the story presents them in a negative (and inaccurate) light.
I conjecture that there is a version of the narrative here where Dorland isn't so thoughtlessly driven by revenge that she cruelly threatens an innocent festival, and that it is possible to see her as worried that a life-saving cause was about to get undeserved bad press.
As The New Yorker review pointed out, the story presents living donors as attention-seeking and unlikable, and the recipient regrets the donation because "receiving a kidney robbed her of the social status granted to the terminally ill."…
Read 8 tweets
14 Oct
So the entire "we weren't friends" framing to make this seem like a stalker with a parasocial crush is seeming more like "I acted like her friend to her face but secretly hated her" and that's........not the same thing.
I knew people who thought it was exceedingly inappropriate for Dorland to even email Larson, but the communications coming out show that they regularly talked casually over multiple forms of media! That's not a stranger emailing out of the blue!
They were meeting each other in-person, exchanging personal gifts, and attending funerals for each other's family members! That's not parasocial! That's a friendship! We don't really have another word for it!
Read 6 tweets
13 Oct
I *think* this means that we need to accept the earth has limits (and stop polluting) and likewise accept that the human body has limits (and stop transitioning).

But this is the weakness of metaphor: sounds good, but says who? Why? How come?
What if I agree the human body has limits but the issue isn't transition care, it's trying to strap rocket boosters onto my feet. The powerful rocket booster foot lobby must be opposed! Etc.
Metaphors are very pretty, but they aren't really logical arguments.
Read 4 tweets
13 Oct
Are TERFs trying to take dinosaurs now, because absolutely the fuck not.
All their usernames have dinosaur emoji in them today, and I refuse.
Every TERF responding to this has dinos in their usernames now. Dinosaurs are ours, goddammit.
Read 4 tweets
12 Oct
I can't sleep because of a pain flare, so I'm going to talk about electronic organization because I can~
1) I am not going to tell you to close your 67 tabs.

I will say it's a good idea to occasionally mark them down in a text document so that if everything crashes you won't lose the tabs you left open to jog your memory.
2) Emails from reputable retailers have to include an "unsubscribe" link at the bottom. This will cut your spam mail down tremendously.

Also, before deleting, do an email search for all emails from that sender. Then you can delete all their spam at once.
Read 7 tweets

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