Domestic violence helplines are usually tailored for the victims. Now there’s a push to focus on helping the perpetrators to stop their abusive behaviour.
For five days @rosiekinchen has been listening to their calls.
For five days @rosiekinchen has been listening to their calls.
“I am trying to be a man. I don’t talk to anyone. I am so confused," a man sobs down the phone.
For victims of abuse this can be the most dangerous moment — when the abuser has nothing left to lose.
The phone line exists to try and intercept, to prevent further harm.
For victims of abuse this can be the most dangerous moment — when the abuser has nothing left to lose.
The phone line exists to try and intercept, to prevent further harm.
Violence against women has been one of the defining issues of the past two years. Lockdowns intensified violence in the home.
The murder of Sarah Everard set off a tsunami of anger as women across the country expressed fury about the ways in which they are still unsafe.
The murder of Sarah Everard set off a tsunami of anger as women across the country expressed fury about the ways in which they are still unsafe.
It is against this backdrop that a growing number of people are calling for a radically different approach, one that tackles the problem at its source: treating the men doing the damage.
“The way we think and talk about domestic abuse is part of the problem,” says @davinajh, an expert in this field who has advised police forces.
“We are always talking about what the victim is doing or not doing and we leave the perpetrator out of it.”
“We are always talking about what the victim is doing or not doing and we leave the perpetrator out of it.”
The idea of engaging with perpetrators of abuse to stem their violence is not new but many believe it's an underused approach in the UK.
Only 1% go on to have any kind of structured intervention at all. Yet one in four repeat their actions with someone new.
Only 1% go on to have any kind of structured intervention at all. Yet one in four repeat their actions with someone new.
One reason for this is an entrenched view that violent men don’t want to change. Yet Respect’s phone line shows that some will not just accept help but actively seek it.
Just as calls to victim support services shot up during lockdown, so too did the number of people calling the Respect phone line with concerns about their own conduct.
When it comes to the violence, Rosie notices that the men talk about “shoving” or “shouting”, not punches and bruises and broken bones.
Some see themselves as the victims caught in a spiral beyond their control. “I have done nothing to deserve it,” one man says in tears.
Some see themselves as the victims caught in a spiral beyond their control. “I have done nothing to deserve it,” one man says in tears.
Even those who knew that their behaviour was wrong often fell back on tropes — their girlfriends were “pushing buttons” or knew “exactly how to wind me up”.
thetimes.co.uk/article/domest…
thetimes.co.uk/article/domest…
The call handlers, who have all received specialist training, have to tread a fine line. They are not there to excuse the violence in any way, or to sympathise, but to try and make sure the people around the perpetrators are safe.
“You always have a choice and you are always responsible for your behaviour,” the woman on the end of the phone says calmly.
She talks about the various perpetrator programmes around the country. Would he consider going? “Yeah, I would give it a go,” the man replies.
She talks about the various perpetrator programmes around the country. Would he consider going? “Yeah, I would give it a go,” the man replies.
Read the full article here: thetimes.co.uk/article/domest…
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