since we're officially off to the races with the holiday season, a few quick reminders for everyone who likes to steal things from stores--
1. you might not be as good at it as you think you are.

maybe you've stolen lobster tails from sam's club 5 times without incident-

maybe you've lifted family sized bags of peanut m&ms from wegman,s and walked straight out the front door 7 times.
stores will watch you steal for MONTHS and not say anything. they will stockpile video, alert their LPOs, and just sit in complete silence as you 5-finger discount your life away until they get good and ready...

cops HATE that they do this...but they do this...
so just so you know, you MIGHT be good....

but you might also be a sitting duck.
when you're ultimately caught, an LPO is gonna try to show you a bunch of videos of you....well...stealing shit.

don't say anything.
don't admit anything.
you don't even know who dude in frame wearing the exact same one of a kind, hand-painted sk8 hi vans as you is.
so it should go without saying that when that SAME LPO asks if you want to write a LETTER OF APOLOGY to MR. COSTCO or MR. WEGMAN'S or MR. SPORT'S AUTHORITY the answer is "hell no."
The LPO is going to call a cop, and the cop is going to serve you a bunch of ppwk (if you haven't stolen so much that he just wants to arrest you). The cop is going to ask you questions, and maybe even replay the video.
You don't know anything.
This is just a big misunderstanding.
You are sure your lawyer will sort it out for you.
What's that?
You can't afford a lawyer?
Never been in trouble before?
Can you scrounge up 50-80 bucks?

google "theft diversion program" wherever you are and consider doing one before your court date. It's good mitigation in most places, and courts will refer you to one anyways.
we're living in a weird time.
a lot of ppl are down bad.

i get it.
i do.

just be careful.
play your cards wrong and you'll quickly find yourself out thousands of dollars behind a 10 buck item.
anyway, i broke my "don't give twitter legal advice" rule to tell you all this b/c i have a bunch of bs sitting in my office that doesn't need to be sitting in my office.

do with it what you will.

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