Thread by @selwynhinds

A lil #screenwriting thread, guys. Today I feel like talking about failure, or “failure”

Our business has failure in its DNA. Whether that be studios or networks, with creative choices influenced by fear of failure in the market. Or folks like you and I, who learn to survive in a world where “no” is far more common than “yes”

What does failure mean to you? How will you condition yourself to survive it? I’ll answer those questions with regard to myself by sharing a bit of my own experience, because I’ve been no stranger to failure. Two in particular stand out.

Mucho years ago I signed to my first agency as a screenwriter, a giant agency at that. I was so damn excited. And word to the wise, celebrate every win, yeah, but don’t confuse getting an agent with the end of the game. There is sooo much more agony to come. (Sorry)

Anyway, giant agency rocked with me for a few years but that breakthrough wasn’t coming, I wasn’t booking any studio jobs. So I got the “it’s not you it’s us” letter. Dear John. Lol. I couldn’t really blame ‘em. But still, I’d just gotten fired by my agent and it stung.

I put on a brave face to my managers (thank God I still had them). But in truth I was gutted. What did this mean about me and my chances as a screenwriter? Would I ever make it? I was terrified that I’d come this far and failed.

Took all I had to keep going. I’m in my 40s. Living on a couch. 10 cents in my pocket and anxiety keeping me up at night wondering how I would justify all the sacrifices to my daughter if I didn’t make it.

Friends helped. Family, too. And I put all that angst into my work and kept grinding. Six months later I landed my first studio job. A feature rewrite.

Now for big “failure” #2. Several years ago I get the dream assignment at the dream network. And it’s my first big piece of TV development. So it’s all backflips, joy screams and “mama I made it.” : )

But I didn’t know enough to make it work. Creatively. Spiritually. Politically. Frankly, I was too much of a feature writer. Used to life at the bottom rung of the ladder where everyone pushes you around. I hadn’t yet grasped the benevolent dictator power of a TV showrunner. Lol.

Anyway, jokes aside, it all went to crap eventually. Producers said I was fired. Then the network said no I wasn’t fired..until they circled back to say wait, yeah, actually you are fired. All very nice of course, full of gentle regrets, cuz that’s our business : )

Took me two days to stop crying. Every time I had a phone call during this psychological roller coaster my partner would put one hand on my back and one on my chest to keep my hammering heart from exploding from my body

I’d uprooted my entire life for this dream. Moved
across the country, thousands of miles from my beloved daughter. Then I’d landed this incredible assignment at this network, & achieved an extraordinary milestone. We’re on our way! The sacrifice was worth i! And now I’d blown it.

I hadn’t blown it. Today I’m at another giant agency, with a basketball team of agents. Got a Hulu series every talent rep in town is pushing their clients for. Got a big movie I’m writing for MGM after a huge bidding war and sale, & that’s only the stuff I can talk about now.

At times I wanna go back in time and tell myself not to cry. But that man needed to. He needed to know failure wouldn’t kill him. He needed to realize that sometimes it’s the universe closing one path to open another. He needed to have faith in doing the work. The rest will come.

One of my favorite songs is by Donnie McClurkin: “We fall down but we get up.” We “fail.” We fall. We get up. In life, & in this madcap often inhuman business we’ve chosen. So protect your heart, no matter how many crushing hits you take. Breathe, beloveds. Get up, keep walking