when the chazzan decides to sing all of the long hallel tunes
when the rabbi’s dvar torah is longer than all of davening
yitzchak, when avraham is crying and hesitating before sacrificing him:
MOSHE: ok but plague 9 is a doozy just wait and see!


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More from @TheTonightSho

19 Oct
looking at photos of myself from high school ImageImage
a meme template? Image
Read 5 tweets
11 Oct
ive just been informed it's coming out day. there are so many days now.


identifying as anything outside of the cisheteronormative frameworks that govern jewish communities can be really fucking hard and super isolating. i've been there. sometimes i'm still there (1/6)
i dont think we ever fully leave the struggle behind. but we choose our derech, we live our lives and we love ourselves as best we can.
and if you're at a place where you can't do that yet because you feel unsafe or unsure or like you couldn't possibly be LGBT+ and jewish: (2/6)
i was closeted for a long time and i always had guilt about it: i should've been out and showing other young jewish kids that you can be gay and frum at the same time.

at the time, i wasn't ready. i chose myself over my community. but i like to think i'm that person now. (3/6)
Read 6 tweets
26 Sep
i bloody love that the last chapter (or in the very least the last 3 pesukim) of the torah reveals that it's actually just a really long love letter to moshe.

bereishit is basically just a prequel -- 'look at the great people who got us to this point' (1/5)
and then bam, shemot hits and all of a sudden it's about this new dude moshe. he puts up with a lot. but God loves him and he loves God and despite their faults he leads bnei yisrael through thick and thin (2/5)
we watch him evolve as a leader and shape the nation. we watch him make mistakes and repent. we have a front row seat into the life of this man whose entire being was dedicated to God's nation and Godself. (3/5)
Read 6 tweets
12 Sep
a thread:

i often debate whether or not to post more serious personal things, but decided to throw caution to the wind for this one.

i don't like going to selichot anymore. there was a while there i enjoyed it, but for the past few years i just cant bring myself to go (1/12)
it's not that i dont have things to repent for. i have a long bloody list of things i should be atoning for, of things i know i should speak to god about, but instead without fail i will stand in that room and the only thing i will think about is the fact i'm gay. (2/12)
look. i joke a lot about how i think having a bit of internalised homophobia is a good thing because it keeps us humble but this goes beyond that. let me state outright that i do not hate myself. no self-hatred here. (3/12)
Read 12 tweets
16 Aug
im sick of antisemitism in medical shows so here is how i think a medical show with frum jews should be handled:

Doctor approaches the patient, who is clearly an Orthodox Jew. The Jew, surprisingly, is not praying. Instead, he flicks through the TV channels.
DR: Listen to me. You need this surgery otherwise you'll die.
JEW: okay, schedule it.
DR: what?
JEW: schedule it, what's the issue?
DR: i thought you'd fight me on this
JEW: the fighting comes when i get my bill in the mail.

if youre gonna make it antisemitic, at least get it right!
Read 4 tweets
21 Nov 19
phenomenal jewish pickup lines we should all be using: a thread
wanna get a drink sometime? i was thinking a glass of wine, i know this really great chuppah we can hang out under.
come over to my place on motzei shabbes, we can netflix and cholent
Read 17 tweets

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