Thread by @JennieJHill

I had a few hours off work today so for a coffee with a friend, sitting at a cafe with my very small, very cute dog in tow.

And something happened which reminded me of something else which happened the other day, so I’m going to turn both these stories into a short thread.

A.

B. The other day, I saw a tweep abuse a woman he didn’t know who happened to be walking home from work after dark in front of him.

They’d both got off a train, and as they walked along, she apparently displayed fear of him: kept looking behind her and then crossed the road.

C. He was really angry about this: really really angry. He called her names. He called her a “stupid fucking bitch”. He said he “would never hurt a woman”.

All because she appeared to be afraid that a man walking along behind her quite late at night might be out to hurt her.

D. Anyway, how does this impact what happened with my dog today?

Because it’s an analogy which might make sense to the many men who seem to be affronted that women might be afraid of them when they know themselves to be a “good guy” who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

E. As I was sitting in the cafe today with my sweet pup under the table, I saw two men walking towards me with a huge dog.

I’m well aware aggression in dogs isn’t always associated with breed, but where I’m living at the moment many people have what are called “pig dogs”.

F. They’re obviously bred to hunt wild pigs and although I don’t know what exact breed they are, most appear to be crosses which include things like mastiffs and pit-bulls.

And because they’re bred to be violent towards pigs, I have trouble trusting them around my tiny boy.

G. The dog these two men looked like a pig dog. It was walking behind the men with its lead dragging on the ground.

But when it saw my dog, its ears perked up and it increased its gait, heading fast. towards my table.

Immediately, I grabbed my dog and picked him up.

H. And one of the men with the dog saw me do this, and he had a big go at me.

“He’s harmless” he said, with a sneer suggesting I was a sook for picking up my dog.

“How the hell would I know that?” I responded. “It only takes one mistake on my part for my dog to be killed.”

I. And this is absolutely true. It only takes me to misjudge another person’s dog ONE TIME for my tiny little guy to be in its jaws.

And if that dog happens to be one of those short-nosed ones with the locking jaw, my dog will be very, very dead.

J. Yet since I’ve had my dog, I’ve often had people with big dogs getting upset with me (sometimes VERY upset) when I pick my dog up or move well away when I see them coming (esp. if their dog is off-lead or seems badly controlled).

They always tell me their dog is harmless.

K. To which I say again: how would I know by looking at it?

So this is where I come back to men being upset if/when women are afraid of them.

How the hell are we meant to know which men are harmless and which not?

Men don’t have SAFE and UNSAFE tattooed on their foreheads.

L. So here is what I would like to say to men. The first time I was sexually assaulted it was by a clergyman I knew, and the second time it was by the friend of a close relative.

Both times it was men I trusted and never believed would hurt me.

M. So how do you expect me to automatically trust men who are complete strangers?

Your expecting women to trust you is part of rape culture.

You’re playing into the trope that men who attack women must have a certain look or way of behaving, when this is completely false.

N. And your publicly being frustrated or angry with women who display such fear sends a message to women tells us we are not allowed to own our own feelings and instincts.

In addition: women don’t owe you shit.

We aren’t required to hide our fears so you can feel better.

O. We shouldn’t need to hide that we’re scared of rapists because you don’t like being compared with rapists.

Even if you’re not a rapist, you share a gender with millions of them.

Instead of verbally attacking women for our fears, what are you doing about THAT?

P. A woman only has to drop her guard ONCE to be attacked, by someone she knows or someone she doesn’t.

Just as I only have to drop my guard ONCE for my tiny dog to be killed.

Don’t ask us to moderate our behaviour to suit your feelings.

Instead, ask men not to rape.

Ends.