As well as English, I teach Politics and History. I've just had a class with an extremely sharp 15-year-old Politics student. This week, we looked at the current shenanigans in Downing Street.
I started by checking he was up to date with the news, which he is. He's appalled.
Then I asked him: "What does it say about Britain that Boris Johnson managed to become Prime Minister?"
His answer: "It says that Britain has no self-respect".
I went on to explore Johnson's rise. And why he's been so wildly popular with so many.
I showed him the 'wiff-waff' speech from the Beijing 2008 closing ceremony. Which was laugh-a-minute. Afterwards, my student said:
"Well, I can understand why he's been so popular, but I cannot understand how someone like that is Prime Minister".
Then I showed him Eddie Mair's famous interview with Johnson, which he was staggered by. And then we discussed Brexit, and Theresa May's huge problems, and him becoming PM.
At length, we turned to this week. Prime Minister's Questions, to be exact. His takes as follows:
On watching the 'apology' at the beginning: "My God! He hasn't even taken responsibility for this!"
After watching the back and forth with Starmer: "He didn't answer a single question! About any of it!"
He was left rather bamboozled. Naturally so.
It's always a shock to those looking on when they realise just how corrupt and screwed up Britain truly is.
Of course, I never tell students that. I just let them figure it out for themselves. Which apparently, is well beyond a very large proportion of Britons.
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With Labour unquestionably at least back in contention now, here's a brief rundown of my three golden rules in British electoral politics.
1. Far and away the most important polling measure is always "which party do you trust more on the economy?"
Black/White Wednesday put Labour in the lead on that essential issue in 1992.
Blair pledging to maintain Tory spending plans for the first term was all part of reassuring the public; Kinnock lost the 1992 election mostly through John Smith's Shadow Budget.
Because that reopened fears around the Winter of Discontent. Never has the power of the British media been greater than that.
On the morning of the 1992 election, my Mum - who'd voted SDP in the 80s - and her fellow dogwalkers were ALL terrified of Labour winning.
1. If you are a boss, and want to cultivate a warm, friendly atmosphere in your organisation, NEVER invite employees to your home. This is a power imbalance! Employees may feel under pressure to attend or agree with your opinions!
Compare the absolute contempt so many Tory MPs have for their constituents now with what Hugh Dykes and John Wilkinson wrote to me when I was 18 and looking for work in Parliament.
Both handwritten. Both hugely encouraging and engaging. Dykes' note was especially lovely.
Wilkinson, incidentally, was one of the rebel Tories under John Major. Yet he was dignified, humane, decent basically - including when I interrogated him Paxman-style when he came to speak at my school.
Dykes, meanwhile, was a Heseltine-style VERY pro-European Tory.
Both good constituency MPs. Both gentlemen. Even if their politics were very different from mine.
People always insist that PR would 'break the constituency link'. Folks: it's ALREADY been broken. MPs like in the OP couldn't give a toss. Ditto most Tories and some Labour too.
The downfall of British Prime Ministers: a potted history.
- Chamberlain: appeasement plus "peace for our time" plus Norway = bye bye
- Churchill: 'Socialist Gestapo' plus Tory (but not his) appeasement plus desire for a genuine welfare state = Labour landslide
- Attlee: too much austerity for too long, including rationing still going on at a time people started wanting things. We'd won the war. Had we lost the peace?
- Eden: d'oh! The third worst foreign policy blunder in postwar British history. Invited to... take early retirement.
- Macmillan: Profumo affair plus Night of Long Knives plus that stench of Tory decadence which would become oh so familiar
- Wilson: 'The pound in your pocket' plus England 2-3 West Germany plus the postwar settlement beginning to fail
FAO Allegra Stratton: if you lay down with dogs, you get fleas.
You sold your soul for fame and glory. But the devil you made that pact with does not forget.
I'm reminded somewhat of Richard Keys and Andy Gray. Who reacted with shock when Murdoch and Sky hung them out to dry!
"It's a media circus!", wailed Dicky. About SKY TV for God's sake.
You had your choices Allegra. You made absolutely appalling ones. Now you can repent at your leisure, after being a disgusting, criminal PM (who you wanted to work for!) and vile government's little scapegoat.
It's fascinating when the actual, vulnerable human being is exposed.
As it was when Thatcher and May resigned - in both cases, having displayed zero empathy whatsoever for their countless victims.
Politics ISN'T a game. The kind of people Stratton was surrounded by think it is