I agree SO MUCH. From the transmasc side, any sign of femininity on my part is evidence I'm "not really a man". What counts as femininity? Cleaning the house, cooking the meals, etc. Actually helpfully participating in my household is seen as proof I'm not a real man.
Because of the way society structures itself around the idea that femininity is weakness - and the fluid nature of what counts as feminine - "just being a feminine man" will get you anything from mockery to claims you're a creepy predator, to violence.
Toxic masculinity and "western masculinity" (eugh) in general are specifically constructed around this idea that femininity in any form is a THREAT, and must be dealt with before it weakens the idea of masculinity as a whole. It's not passive towards feminine men, but aggressive.
To top it off, there's often another stigma. If you're a straight cis man who presents feminine, you're called a pervert. My ex boyfriend had long hair and a slender frame. CONSTANTLY had insinuations made that he just wanted to pretend to be a girl to be a creep and spy.
I've had those insinuations made towards me by people who think I'm cis - that I do these seemingly feminine things just to earn women's trust and sleep with them. Because the only reason I could be comfortable being "feminine" is for sexual gratification, not a sense of self.
Femininity in men - cis or trans - is demonized. To say trans women could be feminine men is wrong on two counts. One, trans women aren't men, and closeting themselves isn't a solution. But two, the presumption that it's okay to be a feminine man. It's not. The stigma is strong.
As a slight tangent, I've seen some GC butches criticize trans women for "not having the courage to break gender norms like we have" by pretending to be feminine men instead, and I gotta say, the difference between being a masc woman and feminine man is huge. And y'all know it.

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More from @RohanTheMajesty

20 Dec
TERFs not understanding what a social construct is will always be the funniest thing to me. Like yes, Jane, your body exists, no one said it didn't, but nature didn't give it a name. You did. Nature didn't give it a role in society. You did. That's it. That's all it is.
"Oh we're talking biology not identity-" no you're not. You're talking about who you think should be called a woman. If you were talking about biology, you wouldn't have the same reductive "genitals and gametes" lines to whip out from fifth grade. You mean the social role.
"We're talking biology not identity-" then why are you so goshdarn mad when we say "trans woman"? We're distinguishing from you, a cis woman. You're mad because you think this is some stolen valor, like nature herself gifted you this word to describe yourself.
Read 14 tweets
18 Dec
Once again, I am reminded of my issues with this kind of logic. The fact that this is a joke taken way too seriously aside, the idea that the core of being trans should be an identity of pain and suffering is harmful to us as a community, and costs lives.
Life sucks, and being trans sucks extra hard, but it's important to resist the urge to turn transness into a borderline death cult. If you want to define your transness by your misery with your AGAB, you're entitled to that, but to try and oust other trans people over it? Nah.
That's the thing in this discussion - one side is trying to claim they are more legitimately trans and deserve a special label because of their feelings about their AGAB and transness. They're going "you're not trans" to the trans people saying "we're all trans, just different."
Read 5 tweets
17 Dec
Unpopular opinion; Trans bodies are treated as "public property" that we're expected to change or transform for cis comfort. Lots of folks feel entitled to know intimate details of our bodies and to demand we undergo surgeries to fit their vision of what a trans person should be.
The fact that the entire discussion around what spaces we should use and where we should be allowed to go depends on what's between our legs and how well we conform to cis gender norms/the gender binary is one of many reasons I'm not pro-assimilation.
Likewise, expecting trans people to just be comfortable with this level of intrusion because "you should be accustomed to people having questions" while being treated like a novelty is garbage. I'm entitled to privacy like anyone else, and you're not entitled to answers.
Read 6 tweets
17 Dec
"Can we please focus on actual rapists and rape survivors and not on your latest culture war" is not a conversation I like being a part of, as a survivor. But it is a necessary one, and I hate it.
Just... every time I see the stats on rape in our countries, I think of the massive amount of money GCs have thrown into failed cases, trying to prevent trans women from peeing in the ladies room.

Fuckin grim.
I'm so goddamn tired of talking about my rape. I'm so tired of talking about my assaults. And yet every day it becomes more and more necessary to do it, as a group of bigots push to dominate the conversation for their own transphobic ends.
Read 4 tweets
2 Dec
This argument of "just adopt" pisses me off, as an adoptee, and here's why. In thread form. Because I'm going to yell. About random things as they come to my mind. Let's go.
Let me preface this by saying I'm a VERY privileged adoptee, as far as the system goes. My adoptive parents had money and empathy, enough that I've been in therapy since I was five, and had the best care that could be provided.

It wasn't enough. Here's why.
The first thing to know about adoptions is that legality and laws are more of a question than a rule. Are there laws in place to prevent bad things from happening? Yes. Are they always followed? No. Are they always enforced? No. Is profit more important? Yes.
Read 58 tweets
30 Nov
On a real note tho, no one tells you how jarring it can be to actually own things like furniture and electronics when you've been both poor and itinerant for many years. It genuinely feels like wasted money to me.
I'm also not used to purchasing long term solutions rather than short term stopgaps - new clothing rather than worn down stuff from the thrift store, a phone that costs more than 50 bucks and actually lasts, durable socks, pillows, blankets...
Being poor is expensive and I'm used to constantly sinking my pay into whatever immediate needs I have that can't be ignored anymore, and not being able to plan ahead. It really freaks me out. I'm worried about wasting money when I could get a cheaper option basically
Read 4 tweets

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