"OK Gloria, this is an international spy novel so try and look suspenseful. And provocative. And continental. Maybe with a hint of frisson. Just keep it classy."
"OK Deborah, this is a really tense scene in the novel so try and look imperiled. And intriguing. And beguiling. Maybe with a hint of chagrin. Now light me."
"OK Agatha, you're an international hitwoman so try and look dangerous. And possibly Spanish. And equestrian. Give me Spanish horses in your eyes. Be a danger jockey, but a bit teasing. Maybe undo a button."
"OK Penelope we're going for medieval on this one, but sexy. Sexy medieval. Champagne and Charlemagne. The Wife of Bath on a hen night. Give me Joan of Arc, but with a kinky whip."
"OK Amanda, I want stern but sexy. And petrochemical. Sexy inorganic petrochemical. And cleavage. Massive pipelines and big plungers, but classy."
"OK Jill, think Cairo. Pyramids. Sexy pyramids. Amenhotep in expensive perfume. Cleopatra on a promise. Be a Sphinx in Spanx. Maybe with some pouting."
"OK Pamela, I want seduction. And intrigue. And the deep sea fishing industry. Think cod, but sexy. Sexy, intriguing cod. Literally give me fishnets. But with cleavage."
"OK Fiona, this one's in Berlin. I want sexy, but Teutonic. Classy. Think Europe. A braless Brandenburg Gate of beguiling. Menace that map."
"OK Daphne I want British, but sexy. Sophisticated. Maybe with cleavage. And mystery. Mysterious cleavage. Mary Poppins in a string bikini. With a gun. Sexy fish and chips. But classy."
"OK Emily, you're a cobra. A sexy, dangerous cobra. On a plane. You're a snake on a plane. With long legs. Maybe a pout. Give me pouty snakey danger. Hiss a little if it helps."
"Look Claudia, we don't have any budget. Just do your best. Sexy, but with documents. Put your hood up if you're cold. And scene..."
• • •
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Today in pulp I'm looking back at one of the greatest albums of all time.
What are the chances...
By 1976 Jeff Wayne was already a successful composer and musician, as well as a producer for David Essex. His next plan was to compose a concept album.
War Of The Worlds was already a well known story, notorious due to the Orson Wells radio play production. For Wayne it seemed like a great choice for a rock opera.
Today in pulp I'm looking back at a very popular (and collectable) form of art: Micro Leyendas covers!
Micro Leyendas (mini legends) are a Mexican form of fumetto, small graphic novels normally pitting the everyday hero against the weird, the occult and the unfathomable.
The art of Micro Leyendas is bold, macabre and very funny. The books often tell a cautionary tale of revenge or humiliation, much like a modern folk tale.
Today in pulp: what makes a good opening sentence for a pulp novel?
Now this is a tricky one…
The opening sentence has an almost mythical status in writing. Authors agonise for months, even years, about crafting the right one. Often it’s the last thing to be written.
Which is odd, because very few people abandon a book if they don’t like the first sentence. It’s not like the first sip of wine that tells you if the Grand Cru has been corked! Most people at least finish Chapter One.
The Time Machine, Brave New World, 1984: these weren’t the first dystopian novels. There's an interesting history of Victorian and Edwardian literature looking at the impact of modernity on humans and finding it worrying.
Today in pulp I look at some early dystopian books…
Paris in the Twentieth Century, written in 1863, was the second novel penned by Jules Verne. However his publisher Pierre-Jules Hetzel rejected it as too gloomy. The manuscript was only discovered in 1994 when Verne’s grandson hired a locksmith to break into an old family safe.
The novel, set in 1961, warns of the dangers of a utilitarian culture. Paris has street lights, motor cars and the electric chair but no artists or writers any more. Instead industry and commerce dominate and citizens see themselves as cogs in a great economic machine.