Thread by @OceanVenti

Please make no mistake, I do want to draw, but man, it’s hard shutting the brainworm up in my mind that “others can do it and do it better, so what’s the point” and “no one wants to see what you create and no one cares”

Even if both couldn’t be further from the truth

https://twitter.com/ayumi_chan46/status/1475019927329423363

Which is something that is related to my RSD. Even with my comic about RSD, I had to wait till the last week before the deadline to start because that was the only way to stop myself from overthinking it, from letting the brainworms get the best of me

This of course does show in how good the comic looks, but in reality, it had been a year since I consistently drew when I worked on this year’s comic. So despite it all, I can say I’m happy I was able to complete it even if it’s not my hundred acre best, or the standard I wanted

Because getting the message out was more important than perfect anatomy or shading everything.

I just wish that my brain wasn’t impermanent to that.

That it wasn’t so stuck on the fact that I’ve had my thoughts and ideas invalidated in the past or wanted to hear more

It fed into the mindset of “well if they don’t want to hear, why would they want to hear my voice anyways? Why does it matter what I say if it falls on deaf ears?” And as much as ppl would say “just say things” it feels so deafening

And I don’t mean to be so down on this post, but Yknow, I’m also tired of hiding my struggles and feeling alone. I’m tired of just having to suck it up. I’m tired of my voice having been stolen, holding myself back. I’m tired of feeling like I have to apologize for being myself

But make no mistake, it’s still scary to admit this. It’s still scary to be like “I want to try to be more open again, and willing to make mistakes and get messy.”