Thread by @LaurynIpsum

New Years is fast approaching, & so it’s time for a new round of unholy Victorian era holiday cards—New Years edition! 🎉

We start as always with the least logical.

This dandy root man, and a half man, half robin—cursed with human arms leaving him unable to fly.

Buckle up.

As Christmas time wrapped up, the previously discussed sentient snow men became less violent and more melancholy. They knew their time would be up soon.

These two snow parents didn’t have the heart to tell their poor doomed snow child of their impending fate.

But they knew.

Santa would leave town and venture back to his hidden shack, deep in the woods. He knew that if he stayed around past Christmas Day, he ran the risk of being attacked by greedy children wanting more gifts.

This eventually led to him moving to the North Pole for year round safety

Many of the Christmas dinners come to life still roamed around the towns. They did their best to elude humans, knowing that if they could make it uneaten to New Year’s Day, they would be given a new lease on life. They would be freed.

Ham being one of the most popular dishes for Christmas dinner meant there were pigs roaming EVERYWHERE.

Desperate not to be slaughtered a second time, the pigs would carry clovers for good luck, and as much gold with them as possible to bribe humans not to cook them again.

The pigs that made it past midnight celebrated their good luck with music and drink.

(Counting down to the new year originally comes from counting down to see if the reanimated dinners would make it to the new year or not)

Their joy was contagious, and soon New Year’s Eve became a time of joy and celebration. Even animals that had no fear of being eaten joined in on the joyous occasion. (Frogs particularly know how to party)

Bugs, being notoriously horrible at holding their liquor, we’re relegated to playing music for the evening.

Because Santa had to leave town so quickly after Christmas, his elves were finally free to let loose and party in the days between Christmas and New Years. (There are rumors that the elves actually paid children to drive Santa out of town early, but that’s unconfirmed)

Everyone was drinking. Even the drinks were drinking!

Child labor laws weren’t the only thing lacking in the late 1800’s. With no regulations on drinking ages, infants and small children were free to party as they pleased, and party they would!

The motor car had only just been invented in 1886, and and access was out of a child’s reach. How did they get to New Years parties?

They would recruit all sorts of creatures; bats, chicks, pigs, butterflies, and so on. Their creativity knew no bounds.

Not everyone handled their alcohol that well though. Some adults fared about as well as the insects. That said, having opposable thumbs and size on their side, they couldn’t be easily kept away.

While Christmas was a time of horror and chaos, New Years was a time not just of joy, but also possibilities! Dogs dancing to the polka, insect proposals, odd rooster men playing some sort of ball game, sailing through the sky via pig balloon!

Anything was possible!

As with Christmas, there are many questions that remain unanswered.

Why was that baby pledging his fealty to that bird? What were they planning? How DID that frog get his medical license? And who was that beetle spying on?

Where does the moon get its cigarettes from? Does the moon still smoke? If so, do we here on earth suffer from its second hand smoke?

We should actually probably get astronomers on that one…

Happy New Years everyone.

May the next year be filled with slightly less chaos than six people going down a hill on one set of skies while drinking alcohol and waving sausage and pretzels in the air.

Given the past year, it’s a high bar, I know.