I think we need to eventually have a discussion about how maternal abuse and TERF entitlement to trans bodies overlaps, and how many of them use the language of motherhood and "protection of children" as a way to cloak their abusive behavior, and how society gives both a pass.
For example, the Harry Potter special going on. There's been a few notable TERFs casting JKR in a "betrayed mother" sort of role, as if these cast members are expected to have this dynamic with her. The imposition of motherhood onto them without their input is creepy.
"We know best", "we're older and wiser", "we're just protecting the children", "you owe us/her/women", these are all phrases used to obfuscate abusive behavior under the shroud of "I'm just being maternal and looking out for you". Treating older women as inherently unthreatening.
The reality is, this is the language of grooming and abuse. That you're owed a connection, support, respect, obedience, a voice, anything because of your motherhood. Caretakers of any gender abuse this, but mothers are generally given a pass others aren't. We presume goodness.
In reality, it's a huge boundary violation to insist anyone - a stranger, a friend, or even your child - MUST agree with you and respect your views and treat you as a maternal figure. The inherently unthreatening image we have of motherhood enables too much of this.
No, the HP cast did not "betray their mother". They refused to associate with someone whose deeply held beliefs clashed with their own. JKR was not owed respect for her views. She was not entitled to their agreement in any capacity.
It worries me how many TERFs feel comfortable trying to impose this power on people. Be it them condemning the cast for rejecting JKR, or they themselves trying to pull a "mother knows best" on trans people and cis women who disagree. It's concerning at best.
Trying to impose yourself into a maternalistic role over trans people - as a group or individuals - is not helping them. It's using the tools of an abuser to steer them away from a decision YOU personally think is bad for them, without truly knowing if it is, or knowing them.
There's a reason cis women are the forefront of recruiting for so many right wing movements, from religious ones to political ones. White supremacy and conversion therapy both utilize cis women in a maternal role as a symbol of protective nurturing and vulnerability/shelter.
We are taught to instinctively trust this, and because of that, it's easy to weaponize. We're taught that cis women are inherently non-threatening, and mothers, especially so. That can lead to some very dangerous broad generalizations.
I've seen GC men admit they handed their children off to random cis women to take them into the bathroom, because they were convinced it would be safer for a stranger to take their child to a closed off place, out of sight, rather than for them to go in with their child.
They like to bleat about safeguarding, but that is a HUGE breach of any attempts to safeguard children. It's the same breach that allows cis women to assault people, and get it laughed off as not serious, because 'women can't be that dangerous'.
All of this to say, there is a serious issue with weaponizing motherhood, and an even more serious issue with imposing yourself (or someone else) onto people as their maternal figure, especially when they did not consent to it.
"I did it to help them" is a line we would absolutely skin a cis man for, but if a cis woman says it, chances are it's getting brushed off by the same movement that purports to protect women. In reality, they seem to me like they're protecting cis women from consequences.
It doesn't strike me that their goal is to empower all cis women and crush the patriarchy, but rather to create a space where there is a rigid gender role around cis womanhood, and it is inherently Good and Harmless and should not ever be questioned or challenged.
How they treat dissent in their ranks and other cis women who don't agree with them both indicate to me that this isn't about uplifting cis women as a whole, or any genuine concerns, but that it's about giving them more power in the pecking order, to punch down.
At the end of the day, it doesn't seem like it's about deconstructing anything, but just about changing who has the power. They don't want to fix these glaring holes that enable abuse. They just wanna be doing the metaphorical punching instead of getting punched.

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More from @RohanTheMajesty

30 Dec 21
My psychologist: "I think you have obsessive tendencies."
Me, who just spent ten minutes detailing why I can't have coffee before food without having a panic attack: "IDK sounds fake to me"
Me: "I think I have to do things in this order and if I don't, IDK what'll happen but I have this massive sense of dread and panic and I'll be stressed out all day-"
Her: "That's a compulsion, Fox."
Me:
Me: "Also I put my meds in my retainer case so I HAVE to take them in the morning-"
Her: "You can't just pick them up and put them aside and take the case downstairs?"
Me, looking at her like she's grown two heads: "NO."
Her: "... talk about this in therapy, please."
Read 10 tweets
20 Dec 21
TERFs not understanding what a social construct is will always be the funniest thing to me. Like yes, Jane, your body exists, no one said it didn't, but nature didn't give it a name. You did. Nature didn't give it a role in society. You did. That's it. That's all it is.
"Oh we're talking biology not identity-" no you're not. You're talking about who you think should be called a woman. If you were talking about biology, you wouldn't have the same reductive "genitals and gametes" lines to whip out from fifth grade. You mean the social role.
"We're talking biology not identity-" then why are you so goshdarn mad when we say "trans woman"? We're distinguishing from you, a cis woman. You're mad because you think this is some stolen valor, like nature herself gifted you this word to describe yourself.
Read 15 tweets
18 Dec 21
Once again, I am reminded of my issues with this kind of logic. The fact that this is a joke taken way too seriously aside, the idea that the core of being trans should be an identity of pain and suffering is harmful to us as a community, and costs lives.
Life sucks, and being trans sucks extra hard, but it's important to resist the urge to turn transness into a borderline death cult. If you want to define your transness by your misery with your AGAB, you're entitled to that, but to try and oust other trans people over it? Nah.
That's the thing in this discussion - one side is trying to claim they are more legitimately trans and deserve a special label because of their feelings about their AGAB and transness. They're going "you're not trans" to the trans people saying "we're all trans, just different."
Read 5 tweets
17 Dec 21
Unpopular opinion; Trans bodies are treated as "public property" that we're expected to change or transform for cis comfort. Lots of folks feel entitled to know intimate details of our bodies and to demand we undergo surgeries to fit their vision of what a trans person should be.
The fact that the entire discussion around what spaces we should use and where we should be allowed to go depends on what's between our legs and how well we conform to cis gender norms/the gender binary is one of many reasons I'm not pro-assimilation.
Likewise, expecting trans people to just be comfortable with this level of intrusion because "you should be accustomed to people having questions" while being treated like a novelty is garbage. I'm entitled to privacy like anyone else, and you're not entitled to answers.
Read 6 tweets
17 Dec 21
"Can we please focus on actual rapists and rape survivors and not on your latest culture war" is not a conversation I like being a part of, as a survivor. But it is a necessary one, and I hate it.
Just... every time I see the stats on rape in our countries, I think of the massive amount of money GCs have thrown into failed cases, trying to prevent trans women from peeing in the ladies room.

Fuckin grim.
I'm so goddamn tired of talking about my rape. I'm so tired of talking about my assaults. And yet every day it becomes more and more necessary to do it, as a group of bigots push to dominate the conversation for their own transphobic ends.
Read 4 tweets
17 Dec 21
I agree SO MUCH. From the transmasc side, any sign of femininity on my part is evidence I'm "not really a man". What counts as femininity? Cleaning the house, cooking the meals, etc. Actually helpfully participating in my household is seen as proof I'm not a real man.
Because of the way society structures itself around the idea that femininity is weakness - and the fluid nature of what counts as feminine - "just being a feminine man" will get you anything from mockery to claims you're a creepy predator, to violence.
Toxic masculinity and "western masculinity" (eugh) in general are specifically constructed around this idea that femininity in any form is a THREAT, and must be dealt with before it weakens the idea of masculinity as a whole. It's not passive towards feminine men, but aggressive.
Read 7 tweets

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