Thread by @austintylerro

It Might Be Time to Retire 'Monopoly'
The end of a cultural icon?
By Austin Rogers for The Pacific

Think pieces about 'Monopoly' must begin with "Go" because that's a part of the game I just mentioned.
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It's also a thimble truth that former top players - once in 1988 both my brothers consecutively landed on Boardwalk with a hotel - WITH A HOTEL! - to say that we love the game. Some of us have loved it since 'The Landlord Game'.
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We've seen cats and irons, dreadnoughts and old-timey racecars.

But 'Monopoly' has lost the spirit that made it a capitalist institution. I am definitely the first to notice - did I mention the Boardwalk thing? - that the onslaught of professional 'Monopoly' players...
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...has forever tainted what was once a boring pursuit. Did you know that if someone doesn't buy a property it goes to auction on that turn? Bet you didn't know that. I do though. I was once, seven decades ago, a 'Monopoly' champion. Boardwalk had a HOTEL! Can you imagine?
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Anywho, back in my day there was no landing on Free Parking and collecting all the fees in a lottery thing. I mean, that's not even in the rules. I won a 'Monopoly' game in 1948 when 'Monopoly' meant something: circle the board until your dad quits.
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But now, in this day of internet and research and Ariana Grandes and keeping stats, all things that didn't exist before 1776 when 'Monopoly' was first invented, a new breed of 'Monopoly' players have emerged, "learning" and "getting good" through "practice" and "common sense".
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Here's an example of how the game should be played: one time in 1991 one of my brothers got Oriental Avenue - a name which I think is perfectly OK because I'm a 'Monopoly' legend not like these new kids out there with their "winning money" and "leading fulfilling lives".
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So my brother got Oriental Avenue. And you know what I did? MARVIN FUCKING GARDENS SON! Now I'm a 5-time 'Monopoly' champion. Back when I played, you could only play 5 times because then your mom would ground you for yelling.
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But as a 5-time champion, the way God, George Washington, & Robert E. Lee, who was a great general BTW no matter what those 'Me Too' people say - I can tell you that Marven Gardins is worth WAY more than Oriental Avenue.
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Anyway I got one of the yellow properties - we 5-time Monops (that's what you can call yourself when you won 5 times in 1994) and then since I was the banker I slipped myself an extra $100 every time I paid someone else's Community Chest payout.
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But now we've got 'Monopoly' players like Steverson Kremachulan who only goes for the greenies - "greenies" is what you call the green properties if you won Monopoly before the fall of the Berlin Wall which I was at - and the greenies (also the nickname of the pills I'm on)
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Where was I? Oh yeah things suck when people are good at it. I liked baseball when bats were 7 lbs and there was only one ball and did you know that there's a thing called SLAM DUNK where it's not a hook shot? Are you on my lawn? I WENT TO HARVARD HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT?
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I thought I’d make today’s griping about Jeopardy I MEAN MONOPOLY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MONOPOLY a free edition of the newsletter, but if you haven’t yet subscribed to Peacefield, here’s what you’ve missed in the past few weeks.
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Sorry it turns out I teach at Harvard. Anyway, have you heard of it? REAGAN4EVER!
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CORRECTION: An earlier tweet in this thread referred to "Ariana Grandes". Per the style guide, it should be corrected to read "Arianas Grande".