Thread by @ejames_c

1/ There’s an element of mentorship that I don’t see discussed a lot.

(Yes, finding a mentor is a whole other story, and much advice focuses on that).

But the key to a good mentor relationship is that you *actually take action* on the advice you’ve been given.

2/ As an old boss puts it, “you must be someone that’s helpable.” Which is a corollary to “only help others who can be helped.”

The trick isn’t that you MUST put everything the mentor tells you to action.

The trick is that you find SOME aspect of the advice and apply that.

3/ Why is this important?

Or rather, why do mentors give their time and energy to help “only those who can be helped?”

The answer is what the mentor gets out of the relationship, right?

A mentor doesn’t want to feel like they’re wasting their time.

4/ Taking action on a mentor’s advice shows that you’re taking the mentor seriously.

And you give them the pleasure of watching their advice making a difference in your life.

5/ The heuristic I use is actually simple: I ask myself that the next time we (the mentor and I) meet, am I able to say something of the form of ‘you told me X, and I applied it, and here’s what happened …”

If yes, great! If no, wait till you can before meeting again …

6/ Obvious corollaries: if you can’t find even SOME aspect of the mentor’s advice to put to practice, stop asking advice from that person.

Believability probably helps as a filter here: commoncog.com/blog/believabi…

7/ Another corollary: some people curry favour from mentor-like figures by PRETENDING that they’ve put advice to practice — even if they have to stretch a little (e.g. you told me X which made me think of X’ and I think you’re right …)

Take of that what you will.

8/ Final corollary: if you consistently do this, you’ll find that it becomes remarkably easier to find (and keep!) mentors.

Mentors are, after all, simply ‘people who give you advice repeatedly’: staysaasy.com/career/2021/10…

9/ So how that actually looks like is:

- You meet someone. They give you advice.
- You take that advice seriously and put some aspect of it to practice.
- You make a note of it with regard to the person.
- The next time you meet them, you bring it up …

10/ cont …

- That person feels happy that a) you remembered what the advice was (they’ve probably forgotten), b) you took it seriously and thus made them feel good, so
- You get to ask more question in the future, and they’re inclined to answer.

Rinse and repeat.

11/ If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy this thread on how people actually learn from doing (and why some can reach mastery with it, and others cannot):

https://twitter.com/ejames_c/status/1425748877987229696?s=20

12/ Or follow for more threads like this; I’m probably going to turn this one into an essay soon. (It’s surprisingly necessary for finding mentors amongst, say, ‘traditional, uneducated’ businessmen, the kind who might not understand mentorship but who populate South East Asia.)