Thread by @paned_neis_o_de

I’m slightly nervous about posting this but here goes. My first thread:

As a teenager I lost my mother to the hands of a violent coward who, in the final few years of their marriage, mercilessly beat her and threw her down the stairs. 1

She was hospitalised twice, once with a punctured lung and broken ribs. He beat her to the floor, stood above her head and dragged her by her nostrils. He then proceeded to kick and stamp her shins so hard it left permanent bruising. 2

She was an attractive woman and often received unsolicited attention from other men which made him insanely jealous. To combat this, he ground her spirit down to the point she felt ugly and worthless and suffered from depression and anxiety. 3

Once, during an alcohol fuelled row, she managed to get him out of the house, but he kicked the door in while we both escaped out of the back door. 4

She drove us, while heavily under the influence and despite the risks, to safety, as she was terrified of what he would do to us and I was terrified of what he would do to her. Alas, she always went back to him, so strong was the hold he had on her. 5

Her death hit me hard. I lost the most precious person in my life. The one person who made me make sense of who I am. The one who was there for me and raised me and made sure I was safe. Then she was gone. I blamed myself for not trying hard enough to save her. 6

Nothing came of the investigation by Gwent Police. They and the coroner knew who was guilty but ‘not enough evidence’. He got away scot free. The only mention of her in the news was a tiny article in the South Wales Argus titled ‘Woman Found Dead’. Nameless and insignificant. 7

I, however, was left with a hole in my heart that I can never fill. I can never be whole again.

I had PTSD for a few years after I lost her. I had recurring nightmares that it was I that was inflicting the injuries on her. 8

I used to wake up crying and yelling into the night that I was sorry. I became reckless and indulged too much in alcohol. I developed a mistrust of men and would self-sabotage my relationships or any prospects of having one. 9

I saw the b*****d, in a pub a few years back. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me. I looked squarely at him with a cold ‘if looks could kill’ face. He couldn’t look me in the eye. It confirmed everything I knew about him. A vicious, manipulative coward, guilty as sin. 10

I don’t have the words to express how angry I am with Gwent Police rn. The arrest and subsequent awful treatment of a sister raising awareness of male violence against women by stickering, stickering FFS, is a new low and a grim reflection of what the police think of women. 11

Gwent Police failed my mother 23 years ago, they failed me and they’re still failing women. But we will never stop speaking out.

#womenwontwheesht

Thank you all so much for your kind words. This was hard to write. Most days I’m ok, but scratch the surface and it’s all right there, raw, as if it was yesterday. This is why I speak out. This is why women need single sex services. Much love ❤️