Thread by @sarahmcdugal

A short primer 🧵 on things men really must stop doing, because it's #deadsexy and we women can't possibly be expected to control themselves:

-wearing any sort of well-tailored suit
-working out at the gym or taking a run
-splitting wood and stacking that woodpile
#dearbrian

-mowing the yard w/ no shirt
-doing dishes w/o being asked
-smiling w/ a flash of dimples
-handling money well/being fiscally responsible
-shoveling snow
-fixing anything that’s broken
-going to the beach (except in a loose-fitting wetsuit)
- starting a fire in the fireplace

-playing guitar where those little muscles in your forearm ripple
-wrestling w/ the kids in the floor & your biceps show
-laugh lines around your eyes when we tell a joke
-rolling the sleeves on your uniform
-wearing dark jeans + white shirt
-wearing dark jeans + black tee

-any curl that falls on your forehead
-masculine deodorant we might whiff as you pass
-walking with confidence
-standing up for the underdog or defending someone who's getting bullied
-playing kindly w/ children
- cooking a meal, and definitely wearing an apron

-reading thought-provoking books
-talking about the interesting things you read
-wiping your chin after taking a drink from the water fountain
-folding laundry voluntarily
-coming in after a long day's labor with dirty but honest working-man's hands

Men, when you dress, walk, act, talk, carry yourself like this - we can't help but get carried away.

Our inability to control our attraction is the direct result of you sucking air on this planet, so we're gonna need you to just stop... being.

Mkay?

Ladies, what'd I miss? Brethren need a comprehensive list of allthethings they must stop doing in order to not be stumbling blocks to women and girls!

P.S. For the perennially concrete among us... This is #satire.

#dearbrian
#sexystuffmenshouldstopdoing
#thinkofthesisters