Thread by @MikeStuchbery_

This afternoon, I saw an acquiantance having achieved something I've long dreamed of, but never managed to achieve.

The bubbling emotions made me think about the grief and resentment that can follow an ADD diagnosis. (🧵)

After the initial relief that most of us who have been diagnosed have experienced, there's quite often a period of tremendous grief that follows.

Considering that most diagnosed - both women & men - are so in their 30s/40s, this can be incredibly disruptive.

In my case, it put into sharp relief the signposts by which we chart the course of a 'successful' adulthood - career, a partner, children, a financial safety net.

To be in your late thirties, and become acutely aware of just how 'behind you're lagging' can feel devastating.

There's also the notion that one's future is insecure. There just isn't the preparation for the future that many peers have.

Between the grief for what could have been, and a fear of what will be, it can be quite paralyzing, even if there is the clarity provided by treatment.

One thing that has provided comfort to me in this regard, is the notion that much of this grief and fear is part of the survival mechanisms we developed

Our deep guilt drives us to 'catch up'.
Our constant catastrophizing drives us to prepare for the worst.

I wouldn't say that becoming aware and examining these 'survival mechanisms' makes it all better, not by any means, but the acknowledgement that the way I'm feeling is my brain's attempt to protect me has helped navigate the dark depths of fear, guilt and depression.

It's the same with bursts of resentment at the success of others.

Yes, part of it is real and reasonable, but it can also be exacerbated by that same drive to overcome the ADD brain's deficiencies that it becomes unreasonable (even comical).

Rather, what I try to do is celebrate the positive survival mechanisms ADD has inadvertantly given me.

I adore my ability to hyperfocus on those things I'm passionate about.

I appreciate being able to talk my way into, and out of things.

I am grateful for my wide knowledge.

This isn't supposed to be a panacea for those moments of rage, guilt and fear, but appreciation of my ADD brain has kept me sane while I figure out the direction of my life.

At the heart of things, I have to tell myself that this 🧠 isn't wholely awful - it's got me here!

Now that I know my brain's shortcomings and account for them, I CAN navigate a future amthats not yet written.

There could be a long career, a family, a book - who knows! 🤣 That all depends on me knowing myself and taking things as they come.

Thanks for listening, but moreover, I hope that helps those who struggling to understand what to do with their life from here.

It ain't easy, but it also ain't the dark, tragic place that your brain can convince you it is.

Stand back, deep breath and cut yourself a break. /FIN

PS. I will write a book one day. 💪