Thread by @AnjHanda

May is #SouthAsianHeritageMonth, established to mark South Asian history and culture within its 8 countries. Here's a bit about my heritage, a British 2nd generation Indian from Yorkshire, with parents who were children during the violence of Partition.🧵
inspiringwomenchangemakers.co.uk/2017/08/15/par…

In @browngirllikeme @behindthenetra writes about epigenetics and the trauma carried on through generations due to Partition. I was familiar with this and had already started to explore 'entanglements' but I know I've only scratched the surface.

I'm fortunate to have parents, uncles and aunts in their 80s and 90s who have started in recent years to share their stories. I've been writing them down. This second-hand trauma, carried by on through family lines, is not discussed enough. Family of their generation are stoic.

Stoicism was probably their way of dealing with it. They have a close bond from being displaced during Partition, and then unsettled once more when they moved to the Newcastle in the 50s, and later to Leeds. Their stories of overcoming and success shouldn't be glorified.

Because the mental health implications matter too. Although none masked with addictions such as alcohol, drugs or gambling (unless you count my dad's love of cake). But they didn't talk about what happened.

Those young men, teenagers during the bloodshed, having witnessed murder and experiencing homelessness somehow worked and saved enough to get to England where they yet again fended for themselves. Brotherhood kept them going. They cooked for each other and perfected their English

It meant that when they got married some years later, they didn't need or expect a woman to look after them. They were used to doing that. In our household, mum managed the fashion shop chain, dad did the school run and made dinner. He was and is a great cook and generous host.

The matriarchy lovingly rules in my extended family. Growing up with an educated mum who my dad adores, and four older sisters who taught me about what to expect from periods as a girl (and now, as an adult, from menopause), I consider myself very fortunate.

It was dad who bought me sanitary pads when I got my first period in India. We were there without mum - they took long trips in turn so one could run the fashion shops. It was also dad at Janamashtami who told me to ignore the rule that menstruating women shouldn't enter temples.

So there are many stories I can't relate to as a result of my family context. With such role models shining in their own way and as one of the younger cousins, I've generally felt supported in my decisions. Single, I'm the only one who is child-free.

There's a lot of judgement in wider society about not marrying or having children. For various reasons, it didn't happen and now in my late 40s I'm very content with my life. Intergenerational trauma ends with me (although I do my best with my nieces and nephews).

Jaspreet calls for a revolution which includes awkward dinner table conversations. They need to happen. Thanks for reading if you've got this far. And South Asian fam - do get talking 🙏🏽

@threadreaderapp unroll please.