Thread by @tonnie_moremi

Story Za Tonnie : "Hello, Uko Wapi?"

I think it's common knowledge that when your friend calls you on a Friday asking, "uko wapi wewee?" then, some sh!t is about to go down! That's exactly how my boyz and I were tricked into a "sherehe" without even planning. Skiza story...

Friday evening, tumechill kwa beshte yangu Dave, tunawatch Rick and Morty. Siku haina dosari, haina bugdha, haina ngwere, yaani as simple boy would put it, mambo ilikua shega. Kidogo simu ya Dave ikapigwa, the name calling, "Ted".

Ted on a Friday is bad news, so Dave was a little hesitant to pick, but then he did. "Uko wapi bro?", Dave akamshow ako kejani na maboyz, Ted akasema anakam. Turns out jamaa ni kama alikua tu hapo nje juu vile hio call ili-end tu, jamaa alikua ashaingia.

Mans akadai alikua anataka favor, ati he had a few friends over na ni kama caretaker wao alikua anawasumbua juu ya ngoma, so alitaka akam nao hapo kwa Dave wapige drinks hapo na sisi. Dave is very accommodating, so he agreed, besides hatukua na fom, plus he said a few friends.

So after kupewa greenlight, Ted went to get the friends. Si tumebaki tumetulia, kidogo tunaskia commotion kwa stairs. Aiih, hao hawaezi kua "few friends", hio inasound ka mbogi bana. Before we knew it, keja ilikua na watu wengi kushinda mafans wote wa Man City, namna gani?

Pale ilikua ukisongesha mguu, unakanyaga mtu, kidogo nidhani tuko Roysambu bana. Jamaa ni kama alikua na Bash, akaihamisha yote. Uzuri ni kwamba walikuja na vinywaji na Vipussa aina zote. Ungeingia pale ungedhani tumeanza poultry farming vile kulikua kumejaa ma-chics...

Problem was, kila mtu aliingia pale alikua mlevi tayari, so we were playing catch up, you know how that is. There was nothing we could do, tayari wako ndani. Ilibaki tumepiga mashots zikufuatana back to back kama message ya Mpesa na ya Fuliza, ndio at least tukue the same level.

I did my quick analysis, the drinks were seemingly enough, and the number of ladies was okay, nobody was going to lack, but the quality of what you get was entirely dependent on you. In such a scenario, you have to act fast, quick reactions kama Mbappe.

There was a girl I had seen a couple of times in Juja, and she looked fine. Alikua amevaa pallasso pants and I have to say pal, ass so fine! It might have been the shots I took, but huyo nilikua nishabook. I said hi and asked her name, she was Winnie, so I was sure angenijenga.

I proceeded to tell her that nimekua nikimcheki around but never had a chance to talk to her. I said "Mi si namba saba wa Arsenali, but kuna vile nimekua nikikuSAKA". I'm not even sure she understood what I said, but she played nice and we got along.

I could see my hommie Joe struggling as usual. Shida ya Joe ni timing, jamaa anajaribu kuchukua dem tayari ako paired up. He really wanted that chic, he tried every single trick in the book and even some that he wrote himself, but it wasn't to be.

He thought he was the favorite kama United ligi ikianza, mwishowe alijipata anacheza huko conference league. Mans ali-end up na msupa mrefu kama Kevin Durant, akijaribu kumshika milkmakers ilikua inakaa ni kama anapiga layup. 🤭

So eventually everyone was settled. Ile keja ungedhani ni ya carpenter juu kitu ilikua inacheza tu ni drill. Kidogo jamaa fulani akanotice kulikua na PS, big mistake. Tuliskia "Ted unasemanga unaeza nipiga FIFA? Ndio hii hapa PS".

Walevi ni wajinga, you can't control them. Tulijaribu kuwaambia wata-game baadae lakini wapi. Within no time, PS iko on, na washashika pad, there was no stopping them. Ati "game moja tu, nimshow hajui game alafu tuzime". Haha, 1 game became 2, and 2 became 4..

Eventually kila jamaa alikua anataka kuonyesha his skills, so ikageuka gaming night. The ladies didn't like it, but there was nothing they could do. Ilibaki kila dem amecheer for her ninja, it became so competitive that everyone was glued to the screen, FIFA is interesting tbh.

There was a problem though, PS ni moja na wasee ni wengi, you have to wait for a long time to play.Ikabidi tumetafuta solution, tukapigia beshte yetu fulani ako na shop ya PS alete console ingine na screen. We had two gaming stations in the house, Smackdown na Monday Night Raw!

The deal was, ukipigwa kwa "Monday Night Raw" unakua relegated to Smackdown until you prove yourself. It was inevitable that egos were going to be bruised. By that time, it was around 10pm. Pale ilikua ni either umeshikilia pad, ama umeshikilia baddie. 😂

All this time mi nilikua nimeshikilia my newly acquired baddie, nilikua nimegame mchana so sikua na pupa. One of the ninjas decided to call me out as a coward, ati staki kugame ndio nisifinywe. I had been watching him play na nilikua sure haezani na mimi.

Mans alikua so gassed up kidogo ata aite press conference, he was desperate to impress. Ile game ilipata attention kama UCL final, ilibidi ata game imepause kwa hio console ingine, kila mtu alitaka kuwitness greatness. Atmosphere ilikua ile keja, ungedhani tuko Anfield.

Nikamshow haezani na my skills, nitamfinya saba mi sina chills, ninja akajifanya mzii na mwisho nilijua atatii, ilibidi ni-unleash my skills na nilianza na heel to heel, alitry kupress hio pitch nikamtoka na ma-rainbow flicks. By the time nafunga my fifth, mans akaanza kubitch😂

My ninjas were losing their shit, banter inatupwa jamaa kidogo alie. Winnie naye zake zimeshika anainsist anikalie nikigame, iko nini, ata niko mbele 5 nil. First attempt kunikalia kwa lap ilibidi asimame akidhani amekalia broomstick, pombe hunifanyia ile kitu. 🤭

Although it was inconvenient for gaming, I enjoyed it. Shawty was porpoising on my lap like Leclerc's Ferrari, that sh!t almost had me shooting from deep like Steph Curry. By the time that game ended systems zilikua zinaleak kama emails za Hillary Clinton.

Ilibidi nime-abondon hio game nikaconcentrate on more pressing issues. I had fun with that girl that night, all I can say is ako na head(ing) kama Benzema. Yaani mtoto anablow ata kushinda Boko Haram. 🤭

The next morning niliamka saa tano nikiwa confused kama wengine wenu saa hii. Napata kuna mtu ameniwekelea socks chafu kwa uso, kwa mfuko niko na fegi na ata sivutangi fegi... Chaos!