Thread by @nthnryn

🧵 Since we're talking about guns and religion, buckle up and let me tell you the absolute most bananas thing that ever happened to me at church camp. It was summer 2002, right after 9/11, and Evangelical religious fervor was hot, hot, hot. 1/

For those that might be unfamiliar with how church camps are structured, they usually go Sun-Fri, Thurs night was always "alter call" night—when the pastor would ask people to "accept Jesus in to their heart." Most did. Every time, multiple times. I did. Just to be safe. 2/

On this alter call night in 2002, the pastor was building towards a point. His point was that "the secular world" was one day going to outlaw Christianity & every Christian was going to have to decide if they wanted "the world or Jesus." Some may have to die for their faith. 3/

He said we were already seeing persecution of Christians happen even then, in 2002, & mostly referenced not being able to pray in school. This is and was pretty standard stuff in Evangelical churches, so that wasn't the thing that was bananas. What happened next, however... 4/

At that point, while he was talking about Christians someday being in a position where may need to die instead of renounce Jesus, the lights went off. When they came back on the pastor was on his knees, flanked by two dudes in ski masks with fake assault rifles 5/

People dressed in all-black, ski-masks, and holding fake assault rifles were also stationed at all the entrances and exits in the chapel (reminder: the set for this is church camp... in a chapel). 6/

I should zoom out here. This was 2002, a few years after Columbine, the summer after 9/11. I was in jr. high, about to turn 14, in Southern CA, where dad was a pastor. Friends had already made plans to join the military when they turned 18, parents already buying them guns. 7/

Anyway, the pastor, on his knees, hands behind his head, says, "Tonight, knowing that someday you might need to make this decision for real, we're going to play a game." (A game?!) "In a second, everybody will run into the woods." 8/

"If you're found by a 'gunman' you need to decide if you believe in Jesus or not. If you say you don't, you get to 'live.' If you say you do, they will 'kill' you and you'll get to come back to the chapel, which is heaven in this game, and reunite with your fellow believers." 9/

I mean, WHAT. This is a room full of 12, 13, 14 year olds. The social pressure here is that, of course, you *want* to get caught, and you *want* to be 'killed' so you end up back in chapel, otherwise your friends might think you don't believe in Jesus. 10/

So we played the game. And I blocked it out of my head for YEARS. I actually had to call somebody a few years ago to ask them if I had made this up in my head but, no, it actually happened. The level of religious and emotional manipulation there is just off the charts. 11/

The message here was obviously "be willing to die for your faith," but the other message was that we, as Christians, were already under siege. That there was a war being waged against us and *we* were already being persecuted. What do you think that does to kids? 12/

I've spent years unpacking my experience growing up as a pastor's kid. My dad's a pastor, grandpa's a pastor, 4-5 of my uncles are pastors. The level of emotional manipulation that occurs in some churches is just mind-blowing to me. 13/

Most church-goers are just going because it's what they do in their community. I still love visiting small town churches in Texas (especially ones a family member helped start), but my heart aches for folks who are trained weekly to live in fear like this. 14/

As I've gotten older, I've come to see that experiences like the one I had in 2002 say more about the people who decided to make these decisions, to subject people to these traumas than they have to say about Christianity. 15/

While I would still call myself a Christian my relationship with it is complicated But I don't believe the Jesus of the Bible wants us to live in fear. I don't believe Jesus wants Christians to use the power of the state or guns to force people to comply with Christian dogma. 15/

That night is seared in my mind because I know this kind of thing is being drilled in to peoples' minds in some churches: that violence is inevitable, that dying for your faith is noble, that persecution of Christians is the end-goal of the U.S. gov't unless they control it. 16/

This idea that the only way to "save" themselves, to save the church, is to gain political power & use the power of the U.S. gov to force others to comply. We're seeing more and more preachers use the pulpit not to preach the gospel of love & service, but of fear & militancy. 17/

It terrifies me that this is where we're at. But we didn't get here overnight. This river runs deep and wide. I'm encouraged by pastors, leaders, and Christians all over the country who are counteracting this with a truly love and service-focused approach to their faith. 18/

A faith built around fear, militancy, and control is not the faith Jesus taught. And it's not one I'll ever be a part of. 19/

Exactly. Thanks for the bookend to this thread, @matthewjdowd.

https://twitter.com/matthewjdowd/status/1530947090205089794