Thread by @ErinInTheMorn

When they say kids will stop being trans with no affirmation, I get so upset.

I was one of those kids.

It was impossible to be affirmed in 1999 rural Louisiana.

I got to 18 with no hope left and decided transition was a fantasy. I suffered.

Thank god I finally did it at 30.

“Desistance” doesn’t mean you convinced someone to not be trans.

It means you made the atmosphere hostile to the core of their being and they will carry that trauma with them for life.

Desistance to me meant 12 years of horrifying anxiety and panic attacks

It meant substance abuse and self hate.

It meant not being able to see myself in the mirror. Ever.

It meant a life of living according to scripts that I didn’t even believe but felt I had no choice.

Desistance isn’t a victory, it’s a condemnation.

And every year that I desisted was another set of procedures, surgeries, and therapy visits that were added to a box that one day the time would come due to open.

And thank fucking god I made it to 30 to open that box because I very easily might not have.

And many don’t.

Suicide studies show that trans people unaffirmed are at some of the highest rates of suicide if ANY population.

So next time you see them parading young detransitioners and desisters to make their point, know that I was once one of those 18 year olds who “was no longer trans” and remember my story when you want to know where that road leads.