Thread by @NeoYokel

well folks… I stole my poor mother’s Big Boy iPad for a “week…” I am too powerful now.

oh yes, this is DEFINITELY starting to make more sense, now.

what the fuck is a keyboard flick.

I know it’s an extremely basic question but… what do y’all do for the ESC key again?

oh my god the native Mastodon app looks absolutely incredible on this thing.

probably could legit spend the whole week just looking at my Drafts themes.

god this keyboard is annoying though lol.

oh god.

btw, I've decided to explore the "Standing Desk" phenomenon as today's iPad Pro trial thing. I'd post a photograph of me doing so but 1.) I can't stop pacing away from the device entirely long enough to get one and 2.) I am without clothing and letting my light shine only for me.

widescreen is inherently unproductive, I'm afraid I must declare.

you wanna know just how dumb I am?

not only did I somehow only arrive upon this news now, despite having *actively looked for what the fuck was going on with Atom in the interim...

I just now got the "Atom" "Electron" thing...

alright I'm just fuckin doing it.

(I don't think I've ever actually used an iPadOS beta build yet so this could actually really suck lol.)

btw, I really was right about the Absurdly Overpriced Magic Keyboard Hell Stand... more than I wanted to be.

I'm really coming to the conclusion that iPadOS was even a worse idea than I thought...

so many needless divisions, like the keyboarding thing and now (I just discovered) Back Tap missing on iPads. (though apparently it's easy to reimplement if you jailbreak lol.)

and by "needless," I really just mean *failed* divisions, right?

the only reason to fork off iPadOS was to open up the opportunity to finally optimize iOS ... to run on a tablet .. no??

and SO much of that work hasn't been done, or has been done hilariously carelessly!

come to think of it, I can't think of a single difference right now that doesn't just make it worse lol.

...

shoulda known from day 1 I'd end up with literally just *iPhone experience but VERY BIG* on this bajillion dollar tablet.

THIS is HOME.

everything makes so much more sense, this way, but then it would, wouldn't it, on an operating system that I was designed to operate in this orientation 100% of the time.

EXCEPT for Panda...

I am laughing at myself and at God. discussions.apple.com/thread/2535289…

one hundred.

the solutions I've come up with so far.

this the closest I've ever come to a homescreen in this device's layout which I'm at least *comfortable seeing every now and then*.

idk why I'm so bad or why I even waste my time - the rational thing would be to just duplicate whatever homescreens I can find of Federico Viticci's lol.

also, completely separately....

anyone else have any idea if there's an actual reason behind my iPhone asking the "trust this computer" prompt when I plug it into the iPad Pro? lol

okay but ...

WHAT IS 42.

no more screenshots of chat, but you are still beautiful, Town. and apparently in need of a reboot.

no more screenshots of chat, but you are still beautiful, Town. and apparently in need of a reboot.

ngl I ACTUALLY screamed at this... however the fuckit happend.

oh you sincerely wanted to know what my "WWDC" "wants" were???

so, as I have done every year or so, I thought I might return to Apple Podcasts as my primary client for a bit to weigh the general state of the thing. that thought was like 10 minutes ago and I think I'm already done....

I searched for "accessibility" and returned a bunch of mostly dead shows and "The S&M Chronicles: A Kink Podcast," but @AcessibleMedia's DoubleTap Canada *wasn't even on the list*.

@ApplePodcasts you, alone, need to solve this problem. somehow, I suspect it's a fairly new one.

@ApplePodcasts by the way, DoubleTap has very quickly become my number one technology podcast. a gaggle of informed technology enthusiasts with genuine curiousity, affection for one another, and a *living sense of humor.* true radicals. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dou…

clearly, it has nothing to do with any sort of newfound commitment to accessibility... guess who forgot to add descriptive text to that image.

I don't understand how I can be so good at iPhone homescreens and so FUCKING USELESS at getting an iPad's just to a point where I can actually stand looking at it every now and then.

well... I see why the Raindrop app has always felt a bit smushed on my iPhone... I'm pretty sure *this* is the view it was made for.

well... I see why the Raindrop app has always felt a bit smushed on my iPhone... I'm pretty sure *this* is the view it was made for.

DayOne was such a wonderful and elegant piece of software until somebody started making the poor thing INTERRUPT new note creation with a prompt like "WHAT CALLS YOU?"

uh, MY FUCKING BOSS, DayOne. telling me to write something down quickly!

please get out of the waaay.

the overwhelming thing I've learned from the iPad Pro is that basically all services nowadays are vastly better in the web browser than in *their own* "native" applications.

Twitter, GitHub, Tumblr, Medium, Facebook, all Google services, on and on and on.

if we're making this a general rule, we absolutely have to append the exception...

if a THIRD-PARTY developer has come across a given service and noodled an iOS client for it, they're ALWAYS worth giving a shot, imo.

TWEETBOT, Fig, Apollo, Speedium(?)

and yeah, I'm gonna say it...

and then there's Mastodon, for which there are an unbelievable many genuinely ORIGINAL and DIVERSE experiences in any form you can think of - including big fat Electron desktop apps if that's your thing!

actually... I don't think there's a CLI atm

NOW RESCINDING THAT LAST BIT. github.com/search?o=desc&…

I know I've said it before but... it really is finally time to relieve my dearest Jorts of the iOS beta burden with a full rest and a promise of a *vastly* less stupidly-high-demand phone life.

cw: big ole scratches, FILTH

waw. lotta folks in here I guess. reddit.com/r/iPadPro/comm…

lmao...

it's probably not going to be immediately obvious what you're looking at, but...

on the left is the root of the local filesystem of this iPad Pro

on the right is the public root of my tildetown site via Blink.

you're imagining drag and drop... u have no idea.

and - come to think of it - my iOS setup as it stood was already by far the easiest means of local, cloud, and remote file management I'd ever manifested. (how the fuck did the IPHONE FILES APP surpass basically any available file manager on Windows *in every respect* ???)

anywho, it's still Dumb Stupid how much this (frankly hateful, imo) implementation of windowing streamlines, still.

damn bro okay.

gonna give my mom back her iPad Pro tomorrow which is just as well, honestly. my shit's still mostly a mess lol.

it has been genuinely fun(?) using this operating system on limitless hardware, though.

some handy BS I inevitably noodled into being: you could argue that this is as close as computers will ever get to Divine Form, given that the only physical media God ever delivered to man was in tablet format

I will ABSOLUTELY miss being able to refresh all of my Working Copy repos in like half a second lmao.

I am a narcoleptic and this is the track I have chosen to play upon triggering my EMERGENCY REVITALIZATION CONTROL. not only do I always wake up... I always end up drenched in sweat from flailing around so hard.

come to think of it, for some reason it's never occurred to me to write a "How to Wake the Fuck up, no Matter What" guide. the key is pretty simple, really: you need a VERY LOUD NOISE and - ideally - some sort of obstacle which prevents you from ceasing that noise immediately.

setting this up should not require you purchase anything, btw. the alarm I had set up in high school - with a $20 set of computer speakers, my iPhone, and an audio file that was just clipping - was so loud that my body quickly trained itself to wake up EARLY out of fear lmao.

I will absolutely miss the screen. I guess posting a screenshot of it is pointless but this view is SO gorgeous on this display that I involuntarily... in futility... hit the capture key every time I log into town out of a very powerful desire to share what I'm seeing.

thought you all might enjoy the redundant notification sounds I added to the mock up shortcut I made just for the iPad.

also, genuinely astonishing that Twitch managed to create a widget with live-updated thumbnails!

almost 10 GB holy god.

btw, as you might imagine, posting to Snapchat from this abajillion-core CPU, 16GB RAM-equipped computer is very very fast, though uh... yeah.

I have no idea why the cursor encircles elements like this but it's very cute.

my goodness has Anchor come along way since Extratone's days headlining the music channel lol

all the stuff that barely worked works incredibly well now, which is very cool.

given the improvments, would I suggest *actually using these features to record or edit* over literally anything else??? hell no. lol

a long lost, interrupted segment that I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO recollection of.

please enjoy "DOG EMERGENCT" in full thanks to our sponsor this week, ䷙̴͙̟͓̠̖̙̺̗̼͔̳̬̪͖̜̻̐̄͐̈́ͫ́̀̚͜͠⇡̴̧͑ͬ̓̏̅̓ͥ̑͐̌̆̊́҉̡̞͉͕̞.

whoops! looks like the audio didn't quite make the trip!!

I wonder why?>??? lol

luckily, it is IRRESPONSIBLY fast to publish audio from Anchor so here ya go lmao. anchor.fm/davidblue/epis…

I can't believe it! I actually found a method of retrieving something from the system dictionary! lol.

somehow managed to unexpectedly open this and it scared the hell out of me lmao.

@JordanHipwell's UniChar continues to get more and more beautiful with time.

the funny thing is, there are A TON of apps that do this, now - literally dozens - but none of the others seem to be designed to actually be used? lol. bilge.world/unichar-for-io…

okay, this is the last one... I promise. tiktok.com/t/ZTdK7FYjH

and no, don't get on me about 'there's no need to "force" close apps on the top of the line Big Boy Pad' because I know this goddamned operating system well enough to know when it is struggling with resource management, dude. and yes, I *am* that powerful.

what am I actually doing on the device when I somehow manage to run hit its unbelievably high wall? literally just *composing text*. but I am a PROFESSIONAL with PROFESSIONAL REQUIREMENTS. I am SOAKED and SQUISHY and ALL WATER WEIGHT.

are y'all gon shame me for using the huge icons.

this represents more UI work than I've seen from the Twitter iOS team in like... at least one full cell replacement cycle... and I'd be intrigued to hear from anyone who doesn't find it 100% redundant.

meanwhile... telegram.org/blog/700-milli…

oh my fucking god. how are American *actually* this ignorant about Telegram??? toss me in that group if you'd like, but I want a goddamned answer.

nice lol.

so I been rollin with Reduce Motion OFF in iPadOS and it's a lot less ridiculous feeling than it is on iPhone. cute, even? user-images.githubusercontent.com/43663476/17493…

okay I have two whole homescreens now.

see pretty pics. davidblue.wtf/drafts/3862CF0…

I've come to genuinely like Quick Note but I really wish it would stop bothering me every time I return to the spot where I created one? is there a way to disable this?

you have my permission to envy me.

don't be embarrassed if you're foaming at the mouth a little thinking about what I have to say about the iPad Pro. totally normal.

wait... is this USB-C or not?

thanks to a tildetown friend it has been confirmed... this is, indeed, USB-C.

somehow, Gladys is the first app I've yet come across that includes a split view button in its own UI.

so iPadOS is just missing the Calculator app still? lol.

still don't know about this widget thing, man...

undoubtedly could have saved myself a lot of time in the past... I can't cite a specific case but I've definitely wanted to turn a bunch of links into a md archive.

:)

alrighty.

how do I get *this* iPad.

looks like Chrome is rolling that specific link target feature out on iPadOS/iOS. here's an example. I thought these were cross-browser-supported but I can only get it to work back in Chrome.

lmao damn they went hard on this one.

seriously - I've played around with it for all of 10 minutes and immediately *every single goddamned Adobe application on this operating system* that I am *paying for* has already been completely outclassed. Adobers Dumb af lmao.

Remote Desktop in slideover just to say yes to Windows Security prompts lmao.

LOL. tiktok.com/t/ZTdoG8xT2/?k…

even my spoken commands are bespoke as FUCK, okay?

also, look at this shit! flexibits.com/cardhop-ios/he…

oh shit I'm bleeding on the drastically overpriced keyboard mounting contraption!!!

never thought I'd say this but I am DEFINITELY going to miss Split View.

D:

I did get A LOT of screenshots. davidblue.wtf/drafts/3862CF0…

🅐 🅤 🅓 🅘 🅞   🅘 🅝 🅣 🅔 🅡 🅡 🅤 🅟 🅣 🅢

"Dwell Control" is a terrifying name for a feature.

refreshing my MusicHarbor releases list made even the Big Boy Pad heat up earlier.

okay, I know it's old news, but I do not understand the point of Voice Memo's skip silence feature if it doesn't apply to final renders (exports) from the app. am I missing something?

also, reminder that Audacity's out-of-the-box *Truncate Silence* function is infinitely better at this.

okay... this time I REALLY HAVE found the absolute QUICKEST HACK for closing applications on #iPadOS. last one...

I have embarrassingly wasted like 45 minutes on this wild bs lol.

okay a new one this time!

5G vs LTE, *tethered*.

doing something I swore I'd never do again...

beautiful.

yo if you're like me and you actually fucking LOVE cookies (web,) it's cool that there's a tool like Super Agent. apps.apple.com/us/app/super-a…

i be eating Web Sites.

for the sake of the iPad Pro test, I am sending at least one Tweet from the dog park.

me, Tweeting. here you go, fuckers.

I don't know why people do this. as if there isn't anything else to do in a park full of dogs.

still can't believe there was ever a point in my life when I refused to acknowledge the beauty of this place.

now fucking moshing to the Tildeverse so I can IRC from the dog park.

paywall busting in the wild got this pad SIZZLING bro.

YES. THIS IS WORTH $2000.

well folks, I gave Apple Mail the good college try. it IS absolutely incredible and unique in a few very specific strengths
- marking a shitload of messages as read at once
- uh with Tot you can make message links that work real nice
- keyboard shortcuts even tho they bizarre af

HATE.

alright ngl this is pretty fuckin handy.

imo, Split View/Slideover/Whatever is really most useful only to address situations in which iOS would otherwise be killing background processes. stuff you would not have to worry about on a PC. like uploading files of any size anywhere, for instance.

what a cooky guy!

Trying to Take A Goddamned Photograph

another idea I fucking hate about iPadOS being one's only/primary OS: having to use GarageBand as my primary DAW. (if I were capable of "porting" Audacity to iOS/iPadOS I absolutely would.)

BRO NOBODY EVER MENTIONED YOU COULD DO THIS IN SHORTCUTS WITH SPLIT VIEW WTF.

very happy I nailed down this shortlink. bit.ly/bigboypad

I've got a Saturday Night Music Video you're absolutely going to love!

would you like to know how I've spent my evening??

somehow I appear to be the first person to have published proper documentation of iPadOS' 🌐 keyboard shortcuts. github.com/ExtraKeys/globe

legit think using the Notion app at all fucks up keyboarding for the whole operating system lmao.

omg look how incredible @PixelFed Collections have gotten. pixelfed.social/c/443781082795…

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[e-mail]

[e-mail]

obviously, I'm going to survive, and obviously, these wallpapers for macOS Ventura are ... dare I say... almost genuinely cute?

but they're fucking not and definitely not good wallpapers and there's absolutely no reason for it. ty.

this is precisely my experience but instead of a children's television show, it's enthusiasm for Apple, Incorporated.

https://twitter.com/FattyGuapo/status/1547989335391121410

alright motherfuckers... I guess I am just going to dive in and update this new primary device of mine to iPadOS 16 despite the fact that every time I even *look* at the goddamned update I get queasy.

...

lmao bro immediately just pissed off. bless.

uhhhh. anybody have any idea if there's a fix for this keyboard display bug (disconnecting and reconnecting the hardware keyboard works but not through a page reload.)

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astonishingly, I was able to download the ENTIRETY of my Netflix activity in JSON format *on a gosh darned iPad* thanks to a single Safari Extension with a userscript. davidblue.wtf/netflix

you should be excited if

1.) you'd enjoy "baking" me to death
2.) you'd like to do it for yourself!

wwaaaaaw.

I do genuinely find it remarkable how good this public/"published" version looks in "Chrome," though. icloud.com/pages/061usudp…

i love how it still has to offer me to read USA Today posts even though I "blocked" them.

I assume y'all already know but lol.