I want to tell everyone what they took from us, what irreversible really means, and what that reality looks like for us.

No one told me any of what Iโ€™m going to tell you now.

๐Ÿงต
I have no sensation in my crotch region at all.

You could stab me with a knife and I wouldn't know. The entire area is numb, like it's shell shocked and unable to comprehend what happened, even 4 years on.
I tore a sutra 4 days post recovery, they promised to address it, i begged them in emails to fix it, they scorned me instead.

Years later, I have what looks like a chunk of missing flesh next to my neo-vagina, it literally looks like someone hacked at me.

They still wont fix it
No one told me that the base area of your penis is left, it can't be removed - meaning you're left with a literal stump inside that twitches.

When you take Testosterone and your libido returns, you wake up with morning wood, without the tree.

I wish this was a joke
And if you do take testosterone after being post op, you run the risk of internal hair in the neo-vagina. Imagine dealing with internal hair growth after everything?

What a choice... be healthy on Testosterone and a freak, or remain a sexless eunuch.
And thats something that will never come back and one of the reason why i got surgery.

My sex drive died about 6 months on HRT and at the time I was glad to be rid of it, but now 10 years later, Im realising what im missing out on and what I won't get back.
Because even if i had a sex drive, my neo vagina is so narrow and small, i wouldn't even be able to have sex if i wanted too.

And when I do use a small dilator, I have random pockets of sensation that only seem to pick up pain, rather than pleasure.
Any pleasure I do get comes from the Prostate that was moved forward and wrapped in glands from the penis, meaning anal sex isnt possible and can risk further damage.
Then theres the dreams. I dream often, that I have both sets of genitals, in the dream I'm distressed I have both, why both I think? I tell myself to wake up because I know its just a dream.

And I awaken into a living nightmare.
In those moments of amnesia as I would wake, I would reach down to my crotch area expecting something that was there for 3 decades, and it's not.

My heart skips a beat, every single damn time.
Then theres the act of going to the toilet. It takes me about 10 minutes to empty my bladder, it's extremely slow, painful and because it dribbles no matter how much i relax, it will then just go all over that entire area, leaving me soaken.
So after cleaning myself up, I will find moments later that my underwear is wet - no matter how much I wiped, it slowly drips out for the best part of an hour.

I never knew at 35 I ran the risk like smelling like piss everywhere I went.
Now i get to the point where im detransitioned and the realisation that this is permanent is catching up with me.

During transition, I was obsessive and deeply unwell, I cannot believe they were allowed to do this to me, even after all the red flags.
I wasn't even asked if I wanted to freeze sperm or want kids. In my obsessive, deeply unwell state they just nodded along and didnt tell me the realities, what life would be like.
And finally, theres dilation, which is like some sort of demonic ceremony where you impale yourself for 20 agonising minutes to remind you of your own stupidity.
This isn't even the half of it. And this isn't regret either, this is grief and anger.

Fuck everyone who let this happen.
When I lost 1600ml blood during surgery, it took days to get a blood transfusion.

The surgery lasted 3 hours longer.

They joked about the blood loss too. Image
"call me"
I haven't deleted anything btw. Thread got mass reported.
Thank you for archiving kind internet stranger

archive.ph/dA1wn
How dare they/them
@TwitterSupport Can you unhide my thread? Cheers.
@TwitterSupport eyyyyyyyy we're back! Thankie @jk_rowling
Still haven't had an email, notification, or anything as to why this thread has been hidden as have the quote tweets.

@elonmusk Cmon buddy, don't let us down.

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More from @TullipR

May 22
A name is given with love. To change a name is to sever a bond.

Just as someone changes their name and pronouns, they inadverigly change that given connection to their parents.

This is the true meaning of the deadname, the death of the parental connection
I was wondering where all the Trans on twitter went, apparently they went to Spain ๐Ÿ˜‚
I'm strictly referring to the instance when someone takes a trans name.

No one refers to their maiden name or a nickname as a deadname, only trans people do this. Why?

Why the focus on it being dead? Why not previous/given/birth? Why deadname?
Read 5 tweets
Mar 19
Hello world, I wish I could show my face, but the truth is I'm more ashamed of how I look now then ever before.

We place flowers at scenes of heartache and loss, which is my profile picture will be a Tulip or a Rose.

I have immense loss I'd like to share my story.
#detrans
I'm in my later 30's now and I transitioned when i was 25.

I have been on hormones for all that time, and had penile inversion with scrotal graft nearly 5 years ago.

Im mildly incontinent for life now, and though i had a decent result. Its nothing like the real thing.
As a kid, I was highly sensitive and gender non-conforming. I wasn't flamboyant or overtly gay, but I knew deep down from a young age I was gay and deeply terrified of it.
Read 21 tweets

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