Thread by @shindoverse

WWJD? A couple of things Jesus would say about jobs. 🧵

Consider this is an ex-tradesman (according to tradition, a carpenter in the family business) who for much of the Gospels narrative held no job but had at least one sugar daddy (Nicodemus) & perhaps a couple of sugar mamas.

It sounds like he’d condemn holding more than one job or say you shouldn’t have a side hustle.

And his overall point is you shouldn’t focus on your money, think about your survival, but focus on God.

But what if you’re a slave who wants to buy your own manumission?

The whole sermon talking point seems to be more rooted in the banal institution of Roman slavery, so it’s no second jobs or businesses or side hustles for slaves. Because you can’t have two masters (loyalty issues) which then gets spiritualized as God vs money.

But what modern people who have no love or loyalty to any of their employers, let alone one? In most cases, multiple jobs and side hustles aren’t about the love of money. There might be love for the side hustle, but Jesus isn’t on board with that.

So are we all greedy, Jesus?

What would he say about the MLMs. The whole pitch is about money, serving MAMMON.

Funny enough, this is the most churchy thing in modern times. Even if the parishioners don’t do MLMs, something about evangelism is so much like it.

What about rich people?

He tells one guy to sell everything to follow him. I’m surprised he doesn’t say “Be my sugar daddy (insert whatever number applies).

He also tells a sermon about a rich man going to hell, so that seems encouraging…

And speaking of encouraging things… he saves a sex worker from getting stoned to death.

The catch… he tells her to sin no more, which we might interpret as no more sex work. So what is she supposed to do, Jesus?

Clearly, marrying her to give her status and stability isn’t an option for Jesus. Some people assume she’s Mary Magdalene, but I’m not sure about that. I think Mary was actually one of his sugar mamas along with her sister.

As for someone else he know, he told Peter and his brother to leave their nets and “become fishers of men.” So he tells people to quit their jobs, become financially unstable. After all, being tradesmen fishers is about money.

So how many people are Jesus’s extended set of sugar parents subsidizing?

So if you want to be like Jesus, get more than one sugar parent.

If you want to be like post-crucifixion Christians, be communists and God will kill people for being selfish with the money.

Damn, if God would only do that now.

And then Saint Paul, who didn’t know Jesus and barely knew the rest of the gang, says f—k both approaches and get your asses to work. It’s his best advice.

Damn, Kim Kardashian plagiarized the Apostle Paul.

Paul also said buy your freedom if you can, but in the high likelihood you can’t, be the best slave you can be.

He also doesn’t approve people coming to the holy communion dinner party to eat for free. Get your asses to work or don’t even come to the party.

Consider this is a guy who can’t make someone’s lunch of bread and fish feed thousands and go to a party and turn amphorae of water into wine.

Jesus said “Give us this day our daily bread.” Paul said get your asses off to work for it.

Paul is more likely to not care if someone has the second job or the side hustle as long as the money is offered. As for the holy communion party, he doesn’t even seem to say pitch in, just don’t freeload.

Just no sex work. Paul doesn’t seem to like sex workers, especially male ones. Arguably this is blown up into homosexuality is wrong. Even so, the homophobia is there, even without the vocabulary to describe it.

What does Jesus do in regards to the slave who may had various responsibilities including what some argued to include sex with the centurion? Heals him, doesn’t tell him to quit his job. Among many things Jesus may have done financially, freeing someone’s slave…

May not have been something his extended group of sugar parents would readily say yes to. Financing the cult. Yes. Feed Jesus and the freeloading gang of 12. Yes. Tell a Roman citizen what to do with his slave? No.

But tell the freelance sex worker what to do with her job? Yes. Tell someone stinking of fish what to do with his job. Yes. Tell working class people or slaves they can’t have side hustles. Yes. The last part the Kardashians seemed on board for.

So Kim Kardashian told people to get off their asses to work. She also channeled Jesus in telling those who work for her no side hustles. So the darkness of Jesus and Paul is in Kim Kardashians re: telling people what to do with jobs.

If any evangelicals/fundamentalists claim what I’ve said in this thread isn’t in the Bible…

Bitches, I have Bible verses for all this stuff. This is your Bible Study for today. #exvangelical