This thread pays homage to every woman by name in the U.S. who got arrested by state police because she installed a period tracking app on her cell phone:

0.

Remember this when somebody tells you to "delete any period tracking apps you use!" #ASCII46
28K retweets for this hysterical advice to delete period tracker apps because state police can now haul women off to menstrual concentration camps
If you followed #hysterical advice to delete your period tracking app--

--you must also leave your phone in the car when you visit the DMV. It doesn't matter which state b/c they all provide "interloping database access" to other states.

Bored in the DMV? A small price to pay!
If you followed #hysterical advice to delete your period tracking app--

--you must also leave your phone in the car when you visit a house of worship. It doesn't matter which one; they're all about controlling "inferior" women's bodies!
If you followed #hysterical advice to delete your period tracking app--

--you must also turn off your phone whenever you drive within 3.154 nautical miles of a high-crime area. Police officers are disproportionately assigned to these areas and may try to arrest your phone's data
If you followed #hysterical advice to delete your period tracking app--

--you must also delete your #antivirus software. AV firms have a notorious relationship with state governments, and their software has "ring 0" kernel access to absolutely everything you do on your phone
If you followed #hysterical advice to delete your period tracking app--

--you must also turn off your phone whenever you drive within 3.154 nautical miles of any truck weigh station. Highway police monitor truckers' phone calls, and you might get caught up in their cyber dragnet
If you followed #hysterical advice to delete your period tracking app--

--you must also delete your menstrual data from "the cloud," wherever it may be! An overturned ruling means laws on the books can be prosecuted "ex post facto," making then-legal abortions now a crime!
If you followed #hysterical advice to delete your period tracking app--

--you must completely disable your phone's ability to operate from wifi. "Wifi hackers" can insert their computers into your phone ports, and they can impregnate your phone with cyber pathogens!

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More from @vmyths

Jun 20
1/17
Many of us have a #cybersecurity horror story about "an employee who got fired as a precaution, only later for the firm to realize their mistake, but HR just wished them thoughts & prayers because they couldn't bear to face up to their hasty firing assumptions."
2/17
We in cybersecurity insist we operate on data, facts, and logic.

But the truth is we love a good #ConspiracyTheory, and right now it's all about BSides Cleveland.

You'll find any number of people, e.g. @MalwareTechBlog, who believe whats-his-name had inside help.
3/17
Hutchins is invested in his theory and has put his money where his mouth is. Me, I'm risking $500 just to prove a point I made in the mid-1980s:

"That we never should have kicked Airman Snuffy out of the Air Force 'as a precaution'!"

I want @robtlee and @RobertMLee to...
Read 19 tweets
Jun 20
Exactly, sir!

Let's talk a "Cybersecurity No Fly List."

Ostensibly, I placed a $500 bet with Marcus Hutchins at 2:1 w/ the payout going to charity because I'm half-confident many of you jumped to the wrong conclusion about BSides Cleveland.

Realistically, though...
...I placed the bet because I worry our industry will create a "Cybersecurity No Fly List" (CNFL).

We'll do it hastily. We won't think it out properly.

And then we'll have the equivalent of a U.S. "No Fly" list.

Our very own #doxx list for cybersecurity can...
...easily expand from a simple .xls of organizers / venues / speakers / attendees who ooze toxicity.

One day you look down and the CNFL says "ban anyone from Russia. Reason: CISA ThreatKB 202209110842 marked LEO-sensitive. Until: further notice."

The next day you...
Read 14 tweets
Feb 27
To all my "OG" readers:

Let's take a step back in time to 1996.

I sit across from Rob T. Lee on the 609th Information Warfare Squadron operations floor. He's my crew commander; I'm his crew chief.

Lee knows I run "the Computer Virus Myths home page," which has grown so...
...popular that it's eating up all my free time. In December of that year the Ziff-Davis publishing empire will crown CVMhp "the world's #1 most useful website."

Trivia: Lee corrected a web page I wrote where I talked about Start Trek spaceship orbits!
Fact: Lee's career path toward AFOSI began when I formulated a plan to "lateral move" him off the ops floor. Trivia: I *almost* finagled DoD to attend the FOR508 class he authored with him on podium!

What I'm saying is, Lee & I have a career-long history:
Read 14 tweets
Feb 21
@taco_x86 @threadreaderapp Not yet.

Let me begin by recognizing that more than one person has yelled at me for RT'ing a debate re: cyber where I feel my followers should see both sides of the issue. Generally speaking: they don't want me to highlight our public conversation. I'm always like "WTFO?"
@taco_x86 "OG" readers like you know I view cyber from a similar perspective as #Doctrine_Man and #Mother_of_Tanks -- just two of many whom I've pissed off for QT'ing their tweets to reveal how insanely out-of-whack our industry's perception of #cyberwar really is.

Yet as a critic...
@taco_x86 ...I'm compelled to QT an abundant crop of tweets on crime & warfare to help us understand how cyber will fit into it.

I dare to ask philosophical questions, or to make what our industry would call a "valid" assumption, that makes no sense whatsoever to the person I'm QT'ing.
Read 6 tweets
Feb 21
@taco_x86 As a matter of fact I do! You're an "OG" CVMhp / Vmyths reader; you'll probably remember the column where I explained my Bacon Number to Roger Ebert is exactly 1:
@taco_x86 I continued conversing w/ Roger Ebert on CompuServe in the '80s & '90s. After his tirade re: "Highlander 2," I emailed him to explain how it broke the timeline for the sword Ramírez wielded. "Another reason to hate the movie," he replied! [paraphrased]
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highlande…
@taco_x86 The original "CVMhp" website followed a ... loose interpretation of what it means to be a critic.

Things changed in 1999 when Denise's career took her to Iowa. "As a consolation, why don't you take CVMhp to a new level? Make it profitable."

As if I needed a consolation prize 😃
Read 10 tweets
Feb 21
It won't surprise me if Inglis an "OG" Vmyths reader. Consider this sentence:

"Cyber-professionals and policymakers are too often motivated more by a fear of risk than by an aspiration to realize cyberspace’s full potential..."
He goes on to say 💯 "A durable [cybersecurity] solution must involve moving away from the tendency to charge isolated individuals, small businesses, and local governments with shouldering absurd levels of risk..."
(I say "he" but it's actually @ncdinglis & @HarryKrejsa)

We talk a lot about China & Russia as adversaries -- but I challenge anyone to find any occurrence where *this* observation came from the tongue or quill of any high-placed U.S. gov't official:
Read 7 tweets

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