Thread by @lilbunmilo

🧵Modern #Hualian AU Threadfic
⚠️Lots of angst/hurt. Basically no comfort. You have been warned.
CW: Memory loss, brain injury

i would like to apologize in advance to anyone who reads this. idek how this cursed idea came to me but it did and i wrote it down and here it is. 🙁

Hua Cheng spends most of his time remembering...

Remembering a time when he would wake up to find Xie Lian in bed with him, his hair messy, his cheek smushed against the pillow.

How his face would light up when they’d go to the Farmer’s Market and he would find the littlest, most undersized fruits and vegetables and insist on purchasing them to use in his next culinary disaster.

How they would snuggle on the couch in the evenings and XL would

practically fold himself in half in an effort to be close to him.

He can still remember the first time they kissed. How soft and warm and sweet it was. How Xie Lian’s mouth tasted like cinnamon from the tea he’d just had.

He can still remember the night those kisses tumbled

into more… how /good/ Xie Lian’s lips felt against his skin. How good their bodies worked together.

Hua Cheng had found his home.

Then came the accident.

***

It had been so unassuming.

Skiing.

They’d gone skiing.

And had a blast.

Neither of them had been before, but they picked it up quickly. They’d raced, fallen in the snow. Hua Cheng had marveled at the way Xie Lian’s eyelashes perfectly captured the snowflakes; how the beautiful granules refracted light through his chestnut hair. He was breathtaking.

They’d stayed out later than they should… the sun had started to set. That was why neither of them saw it as they skated back down the hillside. A rock. Not too small, not too big. Unassuming. Xie Lian had snagged the edge of it and tumbled to the ground, hitting his head.

Hua Cheng had stopped immediately and hurried back, only to find Xie Lian already brushing himself off… more annoyed that he hadn’t seen the rock than anything else.

“You okay?” Hua Cheng breathed, taking his gloves off to carefully inspect Xie Lian’s face, his head.

There wasn’t even any blood.

“I’m fine,” Xie Lian grumbled, shaking his head. “Can’t believe I didn’t see that.”

Hua Cheng had smiled with relief. “It’s those bad eyes of yours. Told you you need glasses.”

“Shut up!” Xie Lian had argued, shoving Hua Cheng playfully.

They made it back down the mountain and everything seemed fine… until Xie Lian got a headache. It started during dinner, and was little more than a nuisance. But by late evening, Xie Lian could barely keep his eyes open from the pain.

They’d gone to the emergency room. Hua Cheng was sure he’d never driven so fast.

They did scans. Found a brain bleed. Which meant emergency surgery.

Hua Cheng helped Xie Lian change into his medical gown… watched as his fingers shook when they gripped the railing on the bed. Hua Cheng stayed with him until the last possible minute… until they wheeled him into the operating space.

He smoothed his fingers over Xie Lian’s forehead, pushing away several stray hairs. “I’ll be right here when you get out. Okay?” he whispered. He could feel Xie Lian shivering.

But still, he managed a smile.

Oh, that smile.

That smile that could topple mountains, wage wars, and make the very sun grow dim in comparison.

“I love you,” he’d whispered.

And Hua Cheng had smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to Xie Lian’s forehead. “I love you too, gege.”

Their eyes held each other.

It was the last time those eyes would recognize him.

***

It wasn’t until several days after surgery that they realized something was wrong.

After all, Xie Lian was recovering from a major operation; it was expected that he’d be out of it.

But then, he started asking for his parents… who’d passed away when he was only a teenager.

It made Hua Cheng uneasy, but he assumed it was simply a side effect of the surgery.

Then, Xie Lian started asking the same things each

day… even when he’d already been told the answer the day before.

Turns out that the trauma from the fall and subsequent surgery had damaged the memory center in Xie Lian’s brain. His brain could no longer form and retain new memories. Not only that… it seemed most

everything that happened in his life after the age of around 17 had been erased.

Long before Hua Cheng ever came into it.

Meaning…

He’d been erased from Xie Lian’s memories.

***

Hua Cheng arranged for Xie Lian to be moved to a very expensive gated community. After all, he

was still capable of caring for himself… he just couldn’t be left to roam for safety reasons.

Xie Lian never questioned the move or seemed particularly bothered by it.

He gets involved with activities that are offered in the community. He paints. He cooks. He participates.

And every day Hua Cheng visits his precious gege. His precious gege who still can’t cook, who spends his days painting and gardening. His precious gege who doesn’t recognize him.

The visits /hurt/.

Every day /hurts/ because each time he arrives, whether bearing coffee, snacks, flowers, or just himself…he holds the tiniest smidgen of hope that today will be the day Xie Lian’s brain rewires itself into remembering him.

But he doesn’t.

And he won’t.

And still Hua Cheng returns every day. To see Xie Lian smile. To hope that one day, he’ll see a flicker of recognition in this honey-golden eyes that he first fell in love with.

He returns every day because, even though Xie Lian doesn’t remember him, he still smiles when Hua

Cheng enters. Because that’s just the kind of person he is. Friendly. Engaging. And seeing that smile, even if it’s not for him, not really, it makes the day worth it.

Sometimes, he brings flowers. And even though Xie Lian doesn’t know why this strange man with

piercings and an eye patch has brought him flowers, he always smiles bashfully and accepts them with the slightest touch of a blush on his cheeks.

Hua Cheng remembers a time when he used to kiss those blushed cheeks. How warm they felt. How safe and right.

He returns every day because it’s always been Xie Lian. They’ll never be anybody else. And, even if Xie Lian doesn’t remember him—even if he isn’t /capable/ of knowing him—Hua Cheng will always be there. Because Xie Lian is his home… and always will be.

...if you made it this far, i would just like to say that i am sorry. 😭😭😭

also just now realizing that this is basically fifty first dates… whoops.