There are people in this world living right now who know the truth about what happened in my workplace.
The harassment, the torture, the sneakiness, & the resistance.
They know how hateful the people were who have publicly gotten awards for being great.
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I know with every fiber of my being there are people who want this experience to fade away into history, a space were people who know the truth have retired, resigned, or moved on to their next promotion.
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You know what though?
People who go to work daily and have been betrayed and undermined by an oppressive system don’t forget easily.
The history of this time and place with forever be etched in documents meant to harm and condemn.
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Real stories emerge long after living people have tried to close the books on that time.
History has a long memory even when people want to forget how awful a situation truly was.
A lot of academics need therapy.
Tenure is a chronic hazing. It's a breaking process to make people conform. That's why it's hard to emerge from tenure bolder. Who you are as an academic is shaped during the tenure process. You must make a conscious choice to break the mold. 1/
Groupthink is expected for minorities. There's little room for learning if the knowledge isn't already in the room. Academics aren't known for their humility, so good luck trying to transform what already exists.
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Academic rules with a deficit mentality. Ironically, the people teaching students to be bold and innovative are rewarded for being fearful. It's a paradox you can't make up.
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The people who worked in my dept with me experienced second-hand trauma from my work experience.
Let me explain.
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They saw the resistance to my leadership. They heard people undermining me and lying on me. Because the system was so punitive and hierarchical, they watched me get lynched every day. They were expected to do their jobs as their supervisor was attacked and abused daily.
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Many of them couldn’t help me bc they didn’t have the power to help me. Like me, I believe people were trying to process what was happening.
How were such behaviors allowed in the workplace?
Was someone, anyone going to address it directly so it could stop?
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On the 246th celebration of the birth of the United States of America, allow me, a woman who in 1776 would have been considered 3/5ths property and a bedwarmer for men, to share merch to celebrate this day.
Justice extends to the workplace so take this mug to the diversity committee meeting that’s probably led by someone from a diverse group. Add the content to your agenda.
The older I get, the more I realize I don’t like groups.
Working in groups.
Sitting in groups.
Socializing in groups.
Groups need norms to function and ways to engage and communicate. Most groups are too loose.
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People make assumptions about who leaders are in groups.
Folks often default to people by age, gender, or race.
It’s annoying to have to insert yourself in a convo or establish a rule or way of working when people have no preparation or desire to be led by a Black woman.
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Many people in groups are awkward. They don’t use group time to get group work done.
They’re too busy making excuses, not listening, or talking over others.
It’s possible to leave groups with nothing being done and no real convos occurring.
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When you push against a system and it is an unjust system, you must prepare yourself mentally for the isolation and resistance that comes with that.
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Activism and whistleblowing looks sexy on TV, but it’s hard on your mind and wellbeing.
You experience the rawness of humanity when you challenge oppression systems, and it’s often not pretty.
You see the core of people, not the facade of professionalism.
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When you call out an unjust system, the attacks and responses become personal. Who you are and what you represent is scrutinized. You must brace yourself for how brutal the response against your core will be.
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Next week I am stepping foot in the building where I was dept chair for the first time since I left that position in 2020.
I am connecting to the postdocs in the program I direct. Seeing them will bring me such joy after the darkness & hurt of that environment. 1/
I have avoided physically being around people who caused harm for as long as I could.
Next week is the week to confront this.
To look in the eyes of people who did nothing.
I may even see an oppressor or two.
I am preparing myself for this moment. It is so real.
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I think about how I will experience these moments.
Will I be sad? Angry? Will a smell or sound trigger me?
Will I see a picture that reminds me of the past?
I don’t know, friends.
That place was my life for so long.
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