Thread by @vagina_museum

It's the Fourth of July, so obviously we'll do a Founding Fathers thread. In the spirit of democracy, we're putting it to vote. Would you like to hear about Alexander Hamilton's homoerotic love letters to John Laurens, or Benjamin Franklin's exhortation to bang milfs?

You voted (by a margin wider than the popular vote in any US presidential election since 1984) for Benjamin Franklin telling you why you should bang older women. Don't worry, we'll tell you about Hamilton's homoerotic letters another day. Wait for it (wait for it, wait for it).

In 1745, Benjamin Franklin wrote an advice letter to an unnamed younger man which is titled "Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress". He begins his letter by telling his correspondent that the best way of dealing with sexual urges is to get married.

However, Franklin acknowledges that extramarital sex happens (and he himself would know all about that, he had tons of it before his marriage, during his marriage, and after his wife had died). Therefore, he offers his correspondent some wisdom on choosing the right mistress.

"In all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones," Franklin said, and then proceeded to spell out eight reasons why an older mistress was the best decision to make.

The first reason was the chat would be better: "Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable."

Secondly, "Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good." He adds that older women will look after you when you're sick, and "s hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman."

The third reason was that "there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience." Franklin adopted a pragmatic approach on unwanted pregnancy, and in 1758 published instructions for inducing abortion.

https://twitter.com/vagina_museum/status/1541733758851760131

Franklin rated the wisdom that comes with age in his fourth reason, saying that older women were more discreet in their affairs, which would protect both parties' reputations. And if it was rumbled, "considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman".

The fifth reason is perhaps most pertinent to you, dearest followers of a museum of vaginas. Benjamin Franklin's fifth reason is that a vagina is a vagina, no matter the age of the woman it's attached to. Or as he put it...

"Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever...

"So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal...

"and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement." The sex, according to Franklin, with a milf, is usually better.

The sixth reason Franklin offered was that "debauching a virgin" would be more likely to ruin a life than an affair with an older woman, and the seventh, related, was that you might feel guilty about that, while with an older woman you're just "making an old Woman happy."

Franklin concludes his list of reasons to bang a milf with "8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!" (punctuation, including the exclamation marks, his).

When Franklin's papers were published in the nineteenth century, this letter was, for *some* reason, omitted. Along with some other pieces of Franklin's writing such as a joyous essay about farting and bits of his autobiography about his sex life.

The hornier elements of Benjamin Franklin's writing were censored in law under the 1873 anti-obscenity Comstock laws, and later frequently cited in attempts to overturn obscenity laws.

We are pleased to be able to share, without fear of breaking US law, what Benjamin Franklin thought about shagging older women.