if you’re grappling with rejection or feelings of inferiority bc they chose someone over you or moved on, i got some thoughts for you. i’m sorry to hear that you were led on to believe one thing was true & then you were quickly shown another thing that didn’t match their words.
but truthfully, let’s say they prefer qualities in their new person compared to yours, it doesn’t mean their new person is better than you in any way. all this means, literally ALL this means is you and them were simply not compatible.
there’s someone out there that prefers your qualities to their new persons and so on and so forth. i know it hurts and our self esteems are constantly wavering, so it’s easy to blame ourselves and think something is wrong with us. but no, nothing has to be wrong.
sometimes things just are what they are. you have many great qualities and things about you, don’t let a silly boy or persons actions ever make you question or doubt that about yourself. who is he. who are THEY to have so much power over your own perception of your value?
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picture this. girl is extremely considerate of others emotions bc she was raised by narcissistic parents who verbally & emotionally abused her weekly. treats ppl how she wants to be treated. makes a mental note to be kind. is used to putting other peoples feelings before her own.
her trauma made her this way. she meets boy who is charming, funny & at first very kind to her as well. mirrors her well, shows her signs of his consideration. sometimes inconsistently. then once he’s comfortable, his acts of consideration dwindle. more inconsistencies appear.
she then finds out due to his trauma & upbringing, he was never held accountable for his actions. parents let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. life has always ran on his own time. so here you have an extremely considerate person…
i’ve been reflecting on the importance of holding space. i know we can possibly dictate the health of our relationships by how safe we feel being ourselves in their presence or expressing ourselves freely but another element i find so necessary is the action of holding space.
what does it mean to hold space for a person. it means showing up for them. it means giving them the space, silence or support in whatever they need it in. it’s being completely selfless in that moment. it’s physically, mentally & emotionally showing up for their benefit only.
holding space is a love language i appreciate so much. in that moment you are showing me that my feelings and mental or emotional health matter so much to you that you want to be there for me while i vent or process out loud.
i reflected on my people pleasing tendencies. i wondered why i am so good at sugar coating things. why i'm so deeply terrified of unintentionally hurting someone's feelings. why i'm only good at being honest and direct with people close to me. then i realized...
i grew up seeing my parents fight like cats and dogs EVERYDAY. conflict management was not a thing. only verbal and emotional violence. god forbid they were both having a bad day. it was taken out on me. but yeah that's what i learned growing up.
some people could've lived this same reality and they're over aggressive and unnecessarily confrontational but for me... i became the opposite. avoidant and just traumatized by the reality of conversations going wrong or my words being taken out of context.
when i get really upset to the point where i'm crying uncontrollably and it feels suffocating like there's absolutely no way out... i let myself finish ofc then i think. i think a lot. i ask myself how i'm feeling then i ask myself what's causing those feelings. then...
i think about the likelihood of me feeling these things again due to unchanging circumstances that are currently out of my control. if the answer is yes, i'll most likely feel this again. i start to brainstorm about what my goal is. besides not feeling this badly anymore...
what am i genuinely trying to accomplish? what am i sought after? is it respect from a certain individual. is it trying to get said individual to treat me how i deeply desire to be treated. is it overnight success in something? what are my goals. how realistic are these goals?
i’ve been thinking deeply about the question “how do you know if you are truly happy or just making the best out of a situation”. this question is haunting bc we know a lot of us struggle to validate our own emotions as adults. we learned very young that suppressing how we feel…
is how we survive in this world. so fast forward to adulthood. relationships, friendships and jobs. when these things contribute to our unhappiness or dissatisfaction, it actually takes us a long time to realize it. because we were conditioned to make the most out of a situation.
that is why we’re so confused. that is why we keep finding distractions everyday. to avoid facing the truth. number one, we’re extremely uncertain. number two, we don’t want to lose that comfortability that comes with the thing or person that we think we feel dissatisfied in.
whatever responsibilities you have been juggling will become too much to handle but it will be for the best. it seems you have to limit the amount of things you are giving your energy to. it seems that for quite some time you have been…
lying to yourself in terms of what you could handle. it appears your mental was not in the right place for all of the burdens you had been putting on yourself. this results in a lot of loose ends and unfinished projects or endeavors.
the lack of completion in your life up until this point has left you feeling depleted, low energy and like a failure which isn’t true. just because you failed, does not mean you are a failure. you were taking on a lot of responsibility because of societal pressures and it seems..