1/
#WeBelong, Day 1 of 7
I considered myself one of the ones who knew. Knew what to say and what things weren’t cool.
Yup.
I spoke your pronouns with my whole chest. Bent over backwards to prove that I was one of the good ones. And, for the most part, you seemed appreciative.
#WeBelong, Day 1 of 7
I considered myself one of the ones who knew. Knew what to say and what things weren’t cool.
Yup.
I spoke your pronouns with my whole chest. Bent over backwards to prove that I was one of the good ones. And, for the most part, you seemed appreciative.
2/
I felt like I was affirming you. And modeling all the the things that should be modeled.
Then one day we were talking about a transgender patient on rounds. And, while gender had nothing to do with why she was hospitalized, that aspect kept taking center stage.
Yup.
I felt like I was affirming you. And modeling all the the things that should be modeled.
Then one day we were talking about a transgender patient on rounds. And, while gender had nothing to do with why she was hospitalized, that aspect kept taking center stage.
Yup.
3/
I could feel things getting weird. You shifted on your feet and stared at a spot on the floor. That’s how I knew.
Then someone said something that made you look up.
Them: “Well, this patient is still, you know, transitioning. Like from male to female.”
This patient.
I could feel things getting weird. You shifted on your feet and stared at a spot on the floor. That’s how I knew.
Then someone said something that made you look up.
Them: “Well, this patient is still, you know, transitioning. Like from male to female.”
This patient.
4/
You quietly cleared your throat and spoke.
You: “She isn’t transitioning. She has already made her transition.”
Them: “Oh. No, I meant, like, the patient hasn’t really done anything yet. Like surgery or hormones. That’s what I meant by that.”
The patient.
You quietly cleared your throat and spoke.
You: “She isn’t transitioning. She has already made her transition.”
Them: “Oh. No, I meant, like, the patient hasn’t really done anything yet. Like surgery or hormones. That’s what I meant by that.”
The patient.
5/
You spoke again.
You: “She did something big. She affirmed her gender to us and the world. That was her transition.”
*silence*
You: “The kind of gender-affirming care she chooses is personal.”
I looked at you and listened.
She.
Me: “Thank you.”
You spoke again.
You: “She did something big. She affirmed her gender to us and the world. That was her transition.”
*silence*
You: “The kind of gender-affirming care she chooses is personal.”
I looked at you and listened.
She.
Me: “Thank you.”
6/
Though I hate the word “performative” I realized that I’d been just that. Because, in that moment, I fully saw you. And now that I saw you, I could see her.
Also known as “this patient” and “the patient.”
She. Her.
This trans woman who had already transitioned.
Though I hate the word “performative” I realized that I’d been just that. Because, in that moment, I fully saw you. And now that I saw you, I could see her.
Also known as “this patient” and “the patient.”
She. Her.
This trans woman who had already transitioned.
7/
When we sat down for feedback, I thanked you for extending me grace as your attending. I admitted that I’d never had a trans learner on my team and had wanted you to feel safe—not in a fishbowl.
And you smiled gently and said, “It’s easier if you see me as a learner first.”
When we sat down for feedback, I thanked you for extending me grace as your attending. I admitted that I’d never had a trans learner on my team and had wanted you to feel safe—not in a fishbowl.
And you smiled gently and said, “It’s easier if you see me as a learner first.”
8/
That was years ago. But having you on my team left me forever changed. I am so grateful, too.
And no. I don’t always get it right. But I do listen and try.
Yup.
“Whatever we deny or embrace for worse
or for better—we belong.”
- Pat Benatar
#WeBelong 💛
That was years ago. But having you on my team left me forever changed. I am so grateful, too.
And no. I don’t always get it right. But I do listen and try.
Yup.
“Whatever we deny or embrace for worse
or for better—we belong.”
- Pat Benatar
#WeBelong 💛
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