Tips for dealing w/ bereavement No.1.
Saying "I'm having a sh*t time at the moment" elicits genuine kindness without you having to dump full story on a stranger. Whether I've needed waterproof mascara, help with finding a black dress or a quieter table for coffee, it's perfect.
Saying "I'm having a sh*t time at the moment" elicits genuine kindness without you having to dump full story on a stranger. Whether I've needed waterproof mascara, help with finding a black dress or a quieter table for coffee, it's perfect.
All you need is for the person who's gone to have paid their NI contributions. It pays out very quickly and may be the only money coming in for months.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 72
Sometimes you're desperate for time to yourself to process things. Then you get some, but feel the thoughts are going to break you. Change the scene and the mood as soon as possible. I've moved somewhere busy & had an ice cream. It helped.
Sometimes you're desperate for time to yourself to process things. Then you get some, but feel the thoughts are going to break you. Change the scene and the mood as soon as possible. I've moved somewhere busy & had an ice cream. It helped.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 73
Fake it until you make it. While life may feel dark, there will be little things that make you smile, maybe even laugh. Go with it and don't feel disloyal, we do need to learn to live and laugh again. These little steps can help, I think.
Fake it until you make it. While life may feel dark, there will be little things that make you smile, maybe even laugh. Go with it and don't feel disloyal, we do need to learn to live and laugh again. These little steps can help, I think.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 74
A kind friend sent me an interview with Nora McInerny in which she said "You do not have to do anything other than just be a decent person and survive." This is very gratifying to know and great advice for right now.
A kind friend sent me an interview with Nora McInerny in which she said "You do not have to do anything other than just be a decent person and survive." This is very gratifying to know and great advice for right now.
Here's the article if you're interested. Nora mainly hangs out on Instagram as @noraborealis
edition.cnn.com/2022/10/24/hea…
edition.cnn.com/2022/10/24/hea…
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 75
It can feel shallow, even disloyal, to have a nice haircut or buy new clothes (it can feel like that simply to get up and get dressed, tbh) but I look at it objectively as topping up the self-confidence that has been decimated by loss.
It can feel shallow, even disloyal, to have a nice haircut or buy new clothes (it can feel like that simply to get up and get dressed, tbh) but I look at it objectively as topping up the self-confidence that has been decimated by loss.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 76
Clearing out is very tough, whether you do it quickly or slowly, give to friends, charity or sell. That said, to me it's important to get it right, so I'm taking the time and effort to do that, while keeping things moving along as best I can.
Clearing out is very tough, whether you do it quickly or slowly, give to friends, charity or sell. That said, to me it's important to get it right, so I'm taking the time and effort to do that, while keeping things moving along as best I can.
Choose charities your loved one would approve of. I'm going with @SuitedBootedC (female equivalent is @SmartWorksHQ) and @trinityhospice. Their sensitivity and gratitude helps with the gut-wrenching difficulty of the task.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 77
I'm thinking a badge that says "May become tearful or angry with little warning" would be very useful. Kind of like "Baby on board" tube badges or those sunflower lanyards, it would help people to understand if our behaviour is unexpected.
I'm thinking a badge that says "May become tearful or angry with little warning" would be very useful. Kind of like "Baby on board" tube badges or those sunflower lanyards, it would help people to understand if our behaviour is unexpected.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 78
Sometimes I feel so emotionally drained that, since I still have to function in life and work, the only option seems to be to avoid emotional triggers for a few days. Avoid as much as possible, tbh, but one can't always hibernate at will.
Sometimes I feel so emotionally drained that, since I still have to function in life and work, the only option seems to be to avoid emotional triggers for a few days. Avoid as much as possible, tbh, but one can't always hibernate at will.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 79
Some people seem completely unable to cut me any slack or empathise at all. If you can't avoid such people (e.g. at work or family) just roll with it, don't take it personally and build up your strength before seeing them are my best ideas.
Some people seem completely unable to cut me any slack or empathise at all. If you can't avoid such people (e.g. at work or family) just roll with it, don't take it personally and build up your strength before seeing them are my best ideas.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 80
Some people think that because you can dress smartly and put on a show of normality, all is fine. That's OK, tell as much or as little as you wish, but do make sure there are at least a few people you can be really honest with.
Some people think that because you can dress smartly and put on a show of normality, all is fine. That's OK, tell as much or as little as you wish, but do make sure there are at least a few people you can be really honest with.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 81
Sometimes I can do big brave things with grace and confidence. Other times, like now, the smallest task makes me feel sick and want to cry. I think I'm just going to chill until I feel better and hope it doesn't take too long.
Sometimes I can do big brave things with grace and confidence. Other times, like now, the smallest task makes me feel sick and want to cry. I think I'm just going to chill until I feel better and hope it doesn't take too long.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 82
Hearing from someone who doesn't know, months after your loved one has gone, is very tough. Telling them is so hard, but hearing a story you didn't know can be heart-warming as well as tear-jerking.
Hearing from someone who doesn't know, months after your loved one has gone, is very tough. Telling them is so hard, but hearing a story you didn't know can be heart-warming as well as tear-jerking.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 83
I'm certainly not advocating doing this often, but taking to your bed for a couple of hours with a box of Ferrero Rocher and a book, a film, or just for a snooze, is absolutely fine. I did this on Saturday and the world didn't end!
I'm certainly not advocating doing this often, but taking to your bed for a couple of hours with a box of Ferrero Rocher and a book, a film, or just for a snooze, is absolutely fine. I did this on Saturday and the world didn't end!
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 84
It's very easy to get flustered, even if you're not a flustered kind of person. Life has to go on and I'm finding that allowing more spare time around journeys and meetings helps a lot. Any spare time can be used to enjoy a relaxing coffee.
It's very easy to get flustered, even if you're not a flustered kind of person. Life has to go on and I'm finding that allowing more spare time around journeys and meetings helps a lot. Any spare time can be used to enjoy a relaxing coffee.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 85
Knowing that there was someone on this planet who cared about you as much as they cared about themselves, maybe more, and that this may never be the case again is very hard to bear. No tip for dealing with that one, I'm afraid. 💔
Knowing that there was someone on this planet who cared about you as much as they cared about themselves, maybe more, and that this may never be the case again is very hard to bear. No tip for dealing with that one, I'm afraid. 💔
@threadreaderapp unroll
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 86
Someone rubbished the sleep pattern I described & said "I could only sleep that much if I were ill". Instinctively I replied "Well I am ill". I hadn't thought of it like that before, but trauma and grief isn't something you get over quickly.
Someone rubbished the sleep pattern I described & said "I could only sleep that much if I were ill". Instinctively I replied "Well I am ill". I hadn't thought of it like that before, but trauma and grief isn't something you get over quickly.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 87
Some of the paperwork you have to deal with is brutal. I felt sad, angry, guilty & more. Procrastinated for ages, which benefits no-one, least of all me. Pulled myself together, blocked out time. Not as bad as feared. Gave me a little reward.
Some of the paperwork you have to deal with is brutal. I felt sad, angry, guilty & more. Procrastinated for ages, which benefits no-one, least of all me. Pulled myself together, blocked out time. Not as bad as feared. Gave me a little reward.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 88
When you're feeling really low, you just might thinking of something really nice you can do for someone else. Think it over, your brain is not at its best. If you're sure, just do it. May make you both cry, but will lift your spirits, too.
When you're feeling really low, you just might thinking of something really nice you can do for someone else. Think it over, your brain is not at its best. If you're sure, just do it. May make you both cry, but will lift your spirits, too.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 89
I try hard not to do anything upsetting late in the day, but got it badly wrong today and ended up sobbing in the evening. A good book, hot milk and quality chocolate is my best idea for distraction. Let's see how it goes...
I try hard not to do anything upsetting late in the day, but got it badly wrong today and ended up sobbing in the evening. A good book, hot milk and quality chocolate is my best idea for distraction. Let's see how it goes...
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 90
It's important not to get overtired / overstressed. People say to look after yourself, which is hard when so much to do, trying to avoid loneliness, etc. If I burn out, though, takes me 4 days of peace to recover, so I'm learning to avoid it.
It's important not to get overtired / overstressed. People say to look after yourself, which is hard when so much to do, trying to avoid loneliness, etc. If I burn out, though, takes me 4 days of peace to recover, so I'm learning to avoid it.
During those 4 days I can hardly do anything, am in no state to make decisions and have to cancel arrangements. It really isn't worth it. Keep hydrated, do yoga, don't rush around, avoid emotional triggers in the evening or too many triggers in one week, whatever works for you.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 91
When it's hard, really hard, think about your role models. Find people who have been through a similar situation and (more than) survived with qualities you admire. I'm thinking 'grace' and 'fun'. Are those compatible? Do I care?
When it's hard, really hard, think about your role models. Find people who have been through a similar situation and (more than) survived with qualities you admire. I'm thinking 'grace' and 'fun'. Are those compatible? Do I care?
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 92
Notice and be pleased as your strength and energy start to return. I'm taking it slowly, though, as I think it could easily be 3 steps forward and 1 step back if I overdo things and that feels more disruptive than less hurried progress.
Notice and be pleased as your strength and energy start to return. I'm taking it slowly, though, as I think it could easily be 3 steps forward and 1 step back if I overdo things and that feels more disruptive than less hurried progress.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 93
I've paid quite a bit of money to pay for an evening out where I think I might meet some interesting people, but I've been feeling weepy all day. Not sure what the tip is here, but glad I've got dressed up and committed to going. We'll see...
I've paid quite a bit of money to pay for an evening out where I think I might meet some interesting people, but I've been feeling weepy all day. Not sure what the tip is here, but glad I've got dressed up and committed to going. We'll see...
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 94
Did a couple of (very small) things in last couple of days that would disappoint my lost loved one. Managed to fix the first, but not the second, which is still eating away at me. Know that I have to let it go and just do better next time.
Did a couple of (very small) things in last couple of days that would disappoint my lost loved one. Managed to fix the first, but not the second, which is still eating away at me. Know that I have to let it go and just do better next time.
... update to say that the evening wasn't a magic bullet to a whole new life, but it was definitely enjoyable and thought-provoking. A little step to build on, methinks.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 95
I've been accepting and occasionally declining invitations. Ended up feeling pushed from pillar to post and needing to do what I wanted. Then realised I didn't know what that was - what I need is the time and space to work out what I do want.
I've been accepting and occasionally declining invitations. Ended up feeling pushed from pillar to post and needing to do what I wanted. Then realised I didn't know what that was - what I need is the time and space to work out what I do want.
Realising this is perhaps a progression. Initially I didn't want to think at all, maybe I was just too scared of my own thoughts and where they would take me. Now feel ready to start spending a little bit of time in my own head.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 96
A new low today as I have to write a letter of condolence to someone who so recently wrote a beautiful one to me. I'm going to put aside time to give it my full attention which I know will make me cry. Then I'll do something nurturing for me.
A new low today as I have to write a letter of condolence to someone who so recently wrote a beautiful one to me. I'm going to put aside time to give it my full attention which I know will make me cry. Then I'll do something nurturing for me.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 97
Realised I've been putting off doing almost anything for myself until X is done, when in fact X is a big project that I haven't started. Today I've begun to put the first small steps in place. It feels really emotional, but a new beginning.
Realised I've been putting off doing almost anything for myself until X is done, when in fact X is a big project that I haven't started. Today I've begun to put the first small steps in place. It feels really emotional, but a new beginning.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 98
It's not ideal to fall out with people when you need all the friends you can get, but causing a bit of friction when you need to set boundaries? I think that's OK.
It's not ideal to fall out with people when you need all the friends you can get, but causing a bit of friction when you need to set boundaries? I think that's OK.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 99
Dealing with trauma and grief is very tiring, even several months in. I've decided the most important thing is to spot signs of burn-out early and take time out before overwhelm sets in. Losing a few hours early can save losing days later.
Dealing with trauma and grief is very tiring, even several months in. I've decided the most important thing is to spot signs of burn-out early and take time out before overwhelm sets in. Losing a few hours early can save losing days later.
@threadreaderapp unroll
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 100
Be open to invitations and new experiences, but you can be choosy. There are only 2 options, though: decline graciously or show up with a smile. Of course, we all have 'moments', but that's not the same as grumbling or being miserable.
Be open to invitations and new experiences, but you can be choosy. There are only 2 options, though: decline graciously or show up with a smile. Of course, we all have 'moments', but that's not the same as grumbling or being miserable.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 101
Sharing someone else's words: "Sunlight, 8 hours of sleep, nutrient dense meals, and a safe relationship are underestimated mental health interventions." says Dr Nicole LePera. Completely agree, esp. if I change it to 'safe relationships'.
Sharing someone else's words: "Sunlight, 8 hours of sleep, nutrient dense meals, and a safe relationship are underestimated mental health interventions." says Dr Nicole LePera. Completely agree, esp. if I change it to 'safe relationships'.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 102
On those days when circumstances bring gifts and messages, take it slowly. Savour the love and thoughtfulness behind each and every one and maybe the pain they trigger, too.
On those days when circumstances bring gifts and messages, take it slowly. Savour the love and thoughtfulness behind each and every one and maybe the pain they trigger, too.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 103
A whole night's unbroken sleep is a rare pleasure for me, even after several months. So good in itself and the optimism it brings to start this day; I also think of it as a welcome sign that my body is healing a little more.
A whole night's unbroken sleep is a rare pleasure for me, even after several months. So good in itself and the optimism it brings to start this day; I also think of it as a welcome sign that my body is healing a little more.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 104
How much to keep in contact with those in your lost one's world? I've reached out very widely and been a bit saddened by those who haven't reciprocated, but that's their choice. I've done my best and can move on with those who want to come.
How much to keep in contact with those in your lost one's world? I've reached out very widely and been a bit saddened by those who haven't reciprocated, but that's their choice. I've done my best and can move on with those who want to come.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 105
After saying how sad I was that some people don't want to come with me on this next journey, I had a note so warm and generous from someone I hadn't expected much of that I cried. You really do win some and lose some.
After saying how sad I was that some people don't want to come with me on this next journey, I had a note so warm and generous from someone I hadn't expected much of that I cried. You really do win some and lose some.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 106
I'm finding that mixing with people of all ages is even more important than ever - older people with more life experience and younger people who can support me and who I can support in different ways, as well as those my own age.
I'm finding that mixing with people of all ages is even more important than ever - older people with more life experience and younger people who can support me and who I can support in different ways, as well as those my own age.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 107
Make good use of the days you feel strong. Whether progressing jobs or engaging with people, I find that having achieved things on days when I'm feeling up to it makes it easier to relax on the days I'm simply too tired or sad to do much.
Make good use of the days you feel strong. Whether progressing jobs or engaging with people, I find that having achieved things on days when I'm feeling up to it makes it easier to relax on the days I'm simply too tired or sad to do much.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 108
Some things change and some things stay the same. I channelled some grief into a home decorating project. Love the result, hate that they can't see it, fear it's not the same as they left it, know they'd have loved it, too.
Some things change and some things stay the same. I channelled some grief into a home decorating project. Love the result, hate that they can't see it, fear it's not the same as they left it, know they'd have loved it, too.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 109
When it all gets too much, I find a change of scene can help change perspective. Not that the geographical place or people you are with are 'bad', but changing those things in that moment helps to move my thoughts on, too.
When it all gets too much, I find a change of scene can help change perspective. Not that the geographical place or people you are with are 'bad', but changing those things in that moment helps to move my thoughts on, too.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 110
Putting myself in a situation where I have no obligations and nothing I HAVE to get done gives me the headspace to contemplate what I would actually LIKE to do. Obviously, I can't always do this, but even a brief time gives respite.
Putting myself in a situation where I have no obligations and nothing I HAVE to get done gives me the headspace to contemplate what I would actually LIKE to do. Obviously, I can't always do this, but even a brief time gives respite.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 111
Let every brave thing you survive bring you strength. I can't be brave all the time, but it's almost always worth it when I can.
Let every brave thing you survive bring you strength. I can't be brave all the time, but it's almost always worth it when I can.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 112
If you make a mistake or don't do something as well as you normally would, apologise if you need to, take it as a sign that you probably need more rest, use it as a learning experience and move on. Do not beat yourself up about it!
If you make a mistake or don't do something as well as you normally would, apologise if you need to, take it as a sign that you probably need more rest, use it as a learning experience and move on. Do not beat yourself up about it!
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 113
Some days reading sad poetry and hearing the stories of other bereaved people is comforting. At other times, I just can't bear it. You know what? I think that's OK. The key is knowing how one feels and adapting.
Some days reading sad poetry and hearing the stories of other bereaved people is comforting. At other times, I just can't bear it. You know what? I think that's OK. The key is knowing how one feels and adapting.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 114
Mostly I'm doing well and being positive, with just patches of overwhelm here and there, but sometimes the crushing loneliness hits and it's hard to crawl out from under it. All I can think of is to move - position, headspace, whatever.
Mostly I'm doing well and being positive, with just patches of overwhelm here and there, but sometimes the crushing loneliness hits and it's hard to crawl out from under it. All I can think of is to move - position, headspace, whatever.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 115
Sometimes I'm quiet because I'm busy, sometimes I'm exhausted under a duvet, sometimes I'm just living gently and possibly feeling lonely. How can you tell? You can't, but a little message is always welcome even if I don't reply at once.
Sometimes I'm quiet because I'm busy, sometimes I'm exhausted under a duvet, sometimes I'm just living gently and possibly feeling lonely. How can you tell? You can't, but a little message is always welcome even if I don't reply at once.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 116
I think calmness is my most useful attribute at the moment. When things go wrong, I am so close to flipping out, but if I stay calm, I can usually fix it. Every time this happens, I get a little stronger.
I think calmness is my most useful attribute at the moment. When things go wrong, I am so close to flipping out, but if I stay calm, I can usually fix it. Every time this happens, I get a little stronger.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 117
Seeing something I would have shared with my love, that's of no relevance to anyone else, is so painful. Need to take the happiness from the previously shared moments over the sadness of this missed one, but it's hard, very hard.
Seeing something I would have shared with my love, that's of no relevance to anyone else, is so painful. Need to take the happiness from the previously shared moments over the sadness of this missed one, but it's hard, very hard.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 118
While I wouldn't compare loss with paralysis, trauma is trauma and two comments from @Hanifkureishi ring true - "It's terrible, but there are pleasures and laughter to be found" & "It's illuminating as well as terrible".
While I wouldn't compare loss with paralysis, trauma is trauma and two comments from @Hanifkureishi ring true - "It's terrible, but there are pleasures and laughter to be found" & "It's illuminating as well as terrible".
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 119
Today a good friend made me laugh out loud and it felt so good. I'm not going to feel guilty. There have been many tears and there will be many more.
Today a good friend made me laugh out loud and it felt so good. I'm not going to feel guilty. There have been many tears and there will be many more.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 120
Counsellor asked how I felt about going somewhere that meant a lot to us both. I said "I can be there, but I hate leaving". She said "Why don't you book another visit before you leave?" So simple and it worked!
Counsellor asked how I felt about going somewhere that meant a lot to us both. I said "I can be there, but I hate leaving". She said "Why don't you book another visit before you leave?" So simple and it worked!
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 121
Went out this evening wearing a beautiful top I've barely worn in the decade or so since I bought it, because it's 'too nice'. Had a really lovely evening and, do you know what? Life is too short not to enjoy the good things, it really is.
Went out this evening wearing a beautiful top I've barely worn in the decade or so since I bought it, because it's 'too nice'. Had a really lovely evening and, do you know what? Life is too short not to enjoy the good things, it really is.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 122
I'm finding that I need to have things in the diary, while others are largely unwilling to commit as far in advance. Maybe it's because my future can no longer be taken for granted. No obvious answer, other than to appreciate both views.
I'm finding that I need to have things in the diary, while others are largely unwilling to commit as far in advance. Maybe it's because my future can no longer be taken for granted. No obvious answer, other than to appreciate both views.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 123
I met someone 4 years further down this path. She's beautiful, feisty, succeeding, coping, confident, still missing her loved one, doing her best, occasionally insecure, sometimes lonely. I can see that it both gets better and it doesn't.
I met someone 4 years further down this path. She's beautiful, feisty, succeeding, coping, confident, still missing her loved one, doing her best, occasionally insecure, sometimes lonely. I can see that it both gets better and it doesn't.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 124
Mostly, I work hard to going along a difficult path: walking, talking, eating, working, socialising... Then something disturbs my equilibrium so much that I realise it's not a path, it's a tightrope.
Mostly, I work hard to going along a difficult path: walking, talking, eating, working, socialising... Then something disturbs my equilibrium so much that I realise it's not a path, it's a tightrope.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 125
Wise words from @anntreneman in @thetimes: "The newly bereaved are always walking a fine line between wanting to feel close to the person who has died but not too close, as that can be painful." So true and important to recognise.
Wise words from @anntreneman in @thetimes: "The newly bereaved are always walking a fine line between wanting to feel close to the person who has died but not too close, as that can be painful." So true and important to recognise.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 126
I've been doing a lot of behaving 'normally' - socialising, smiling, etc. I do think it's important to 'fake it until you make it', but it's also incredibly draining mentally and physically and now I need to take some quiet time for me.
I've been doing a lot of behaving 'normally' - socialising, smiling, etc. I do think it's important to 'fake it until you make it', but it's also incredibly draining mentally and physically and now I need to take some quiet time for me.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 127
There are things that have sadly gone, new things I've found and am yet to find. I'm also realising that there are things I need to let go of to continue my journey through life. Things are changing, but it's not getting better just yet.
There are things that have sadly gone, new things I've found and am yet to find. I'm also realising that there are things I need to let go of to continue my journey through life. Things are changing, but it's not getting better just yet.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 128
I've always been extremely self-motivated and wondered why I don't seem to be right now, but then realised that almost all of my motivation goes into simply getting up in the morning and functioning, there simply isn't much left for more.
I've always been extremely self-motivated and wondered why I don't seem to be right now, but then realised that almost all of my motivation goes into simply getting up in the morning and functioning, there simply isn't much left for more.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 129
Balancing my goal-oriented inclination with lack of strength has been hard. Best I've found is to have a focus for the month and to use that to prioritise. A month of decorating worked well, a month 'for me' less so, but I will keep trying!
Balancing my goal-oriented inclination with lack of strength has been hard. Best I've found is to have a focus for the month and to use that to prioritise. A month of decorating worked well, a month 'for me' less so, but I will keep trying!
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 130
Joining the gym doesn't make you healthy! Still trying to look after myself and joined a gym with a lovely pool. Trying to go as much as possible, very conscious that I need to keep prioritising a swim (and therefore me) until it's a habit.
Joining the gym doesn't make you healthy! Still trying to look after myself and joined a gym with a lovely pool. Trying to go as much as possible, very conscious that I need to keep prioritising a swim (and therefore me) until it's a habit.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 131
I smile and mostly function pretty well. Everyone says "you're doing great" but few understand that my life feels like it's had a hole ripped through it and my future as I knew it has been thrown in the bin. I don't know how to tell them.
I smile and mostly function pretty well. Everyone says "you're doing great" but few understand that my life feels like it's had a hole ripped through it and my future as I knew it has been thrown in the bin. I don't know how to tell them.
⬆️ Sorry, as tips go, that one was a bit rubbish!
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 132
I used to post updates on Facebook so that people who cared
would know I'm OK. Then I realised I was craving the interaction and sad when it didn't come, so I stopped. Those who really care, keep in touch directly and the others fell away.
I used to post updates on Facebook so that people who cared
would know I'm OK. Then I realised I was craving the interaction and sad when it didn't come, so I stopped. Those who really care, keep in touch directly and the others fell away.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 133
Watching a TV programme where a couple create and move into their new home and talk about how happy it's made them has left me with tears running down my cheeks at what we'll never have. I need to think about something else quickly.
Watching a TV programme where a couple create and move into their new home and talk about how happy it's made them has left me with tears running down my cheeks at what we'll never have. I need to think about something else quickly.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 134
I've decided to unfollow / unsubscribe / ignore anything giving advice on how to be more 'successful'. Right now, 'surviving' is a success, 'mostly coping' is a huge success.
I've decided to unfollow / unsubscribe / ignore anything giving advice on how to be more 'successful'. Right now, 'surviving' is a success, 'mostly coping' is a huge success.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 135
My counsellor told me that when I'm tired, I will grieve more and feel more lonely. Although I try to look after myself, overdoing it is sometimes inevitable, but knowing to take it easy as soon as possible, helps a lot.
My counsellor told me that when I'm tired, I will grieve more and feel more lonely. Although I try to look after myself, overdoing it is sometimes inevitable, but knowing to take it easy as soon as possible, helps a lot.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 136
A well-chosen holiday can build mental and physical strength and even let you feel 'normal' for a little while, but it's not a panacea. I've found the first few days back can be agonisingly hard.
A well-chosen holiday can build mental and physical strength and even let you feel 'normal' for a little while, but it's not a panacea. I've found the first few days back can be agonisingly hard.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 137
Someone asking for your help or advice can make you feel valued and reduce the feeling of being defined by your loss. People will be hesitant to ask, so welcome any such request if it helps you.
Someone asking for your help or advice can make you feel valued and reduce the feeling of being defined by your loss. People will be hesitant to ask, so welcome any such request if it helps you.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 138
People invite me to stay with them, intending to be kind, but it's not always what I need. After much thought, the question I want people to ask is ''Would you like some company?" and if I say yes, we work out how best to make that happen.
People invite me to stay with them, intending to be kind, but it's not always what I need. After much thought, the question I want people to ask is ''Would you like some company?" and if I say yes, we work out how best to make that happen.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 139
In a crisis, there are people you thought would be there, who simply aren't. Others of whom you had no expectations are wonderful. So hard to tell who will be which, except that people who've been through the same are unfailingly fantastic.
In a crisis, there are people you thought would be there, who simply aren't. Others of whom you had no expectations are wonderful. So hard to tell who will be which, except that people who've been through the same are unfailingly fantastic.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 140
Throwing away that jar of gherkins with just one left in it (that they loved and you can't stand) doesn't mean you loved them any less. Of course we all know that, but it's still hard.
Throwing away that jar of gherkins with just one left in it (that they loved and you can't stand) doesn't mean you loved them any less. Of course we all know that, but it's still hard.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 141
"I'm trying to continue some of his life for him, but doing it in my own way".
I can so relate to this from Katie Carr who is continuing her late brother Toby's mission to kayak all of the shipping forecast areas. Read more @KayakForecast.
"I'm trying to continue some of his life for him, but doing it in my own way".
I can so relate to this from Katie Carr who is continuing her late brother Toby's mission to kayak all of the shipping forecast areas. Read more @KayakForecast.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 142
If you're feeling strong, take the moment to batch cook healthy food. It's so easy to resort to poor eating habits when you're miserable, tired, etc. so having something good and easy to hand helps a lot.
If you're feeling strong, take the moment to batch cook healthy food. It's so easy to resort to poor eating habits when you're miserable, tired, etc. so having something good and easy to hand helps a lot.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 143
Sometimes it takes a long while to get around to things and I feel bad about that, but there are only so many times a day, or even times in a week, that I can cry and hit those depths of emotion if I'm to get through all of this.
Sometimes it takes a long while to get around to things and I feel bad about that, but there are only so many times a day, or even times in a week, that I can cry and hit those depths of emotion if I'm to get through all of this.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 144
Three or four things going wrong in succession crushes me. I need to work harder to let 3 or 4 things going right lift me back up, but I think it's important to do so.
Three or four things going wrong in succession crushes me. I need to work harder to let 3 or 4 things going right lift me back up, but I think it's important to do so.
Thinking some more, although things going well doesn't make me happy, it does give me energy to keep going and that has to be a good thing.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 145
Losing someone can cause you to lose your love of an activity. I think it's important to allow that love to return, or not. If it doesn't come back, fill the space with something else. Don't keep looking in the hole that's left.
Losing someone can cause you to lose your love of an activity. I think it's important to allow that love to return, or not. If it doesn't come back, fill the space with something else. Don't keep looking in the hole that's left.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 146
About to lose patience with an organisation's inefficiency, I decided to let it go. I only have the energy for the fights that really matter and you know what? They don't all matter. That realisation is a weight lifted from my shoulders.
About to lose patience with an organisation's inefficiency, I decided to let it go. I only have the energy for the fights that really matter and you know what? They don't all matter. That realisation is a weight lifted from my shoulders.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 147
A nice-looking stranger just smiled at me... twice. They know nothing of my story, so it's very comforting to know that I can pass for a normal member of society on occasion, even if I don't yet feel that I am fully that again.
A nice-looking stranger just smiled at me... twice. They know nothing of my story, so it's very comforting to know that I can pass for a normal member of society on occasion, even if I don't yet feel that I am fully that again.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 148
I told some of my story to another stranger (for I am on holiday and almost everyone is a stranger). She said she could see that I am creative and resilient. Tears came to my eyes and I had to take my leave, but I treasure those two words.
I told some of my story to another stranger (for I am on holiday and almost everyone is a stranger). She said she could see that I am creative and resilient. Tears came to my eyes and I had to take my leave, but I treasure those two words.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 149
The pictures drawn and cards made by children to cheer one up are simultaneously the most heartbreaking and heart-warming.
The pictures drawn and cards made by children to cheer one up are simultaneously the most heartbreaking and heart-warming.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 150
Expect to suffer minor physical ailments, but know they will pass. I've had terrible indigestion, fingernails splitting, a swollen eyelid and an unpleasant itchy rash. Be patient and manage stress as best you can.
Expect to suffer minor physical ailments, but know they will pass. I've had terrible indigestion, fingernails splitting, a swollen eyelid and an unpleasant itchy rash. Be patient and manage stress as best you can.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 151
You can't be sentimental about every single thing if you're to survive and thrive. It took me a year to get rid of a mass-produced desk just because they'd sat at it. Even they would find that ridiculous and the freed space is glorious.
You can't be sentimental about every single thing if you're to survive and thrive. It took me a year to get rid of a mass-produced desk just because they'd sat at it. Even they would find that ridiculous and the freed space is glorious.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 152
It can feel fatuous, even disrespectful to care about how I look. However, I believe that if one is trying to build a new life, then dressing nicely & even more importantly, a smile, is essential to building those important new connections.
It can feel fatuous, even disrespectful to care about how I look. However, I believe that if one is trying to build a new life, then dressing nicely & even more importantly, a smile, is essential to building those important new connections.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 153
People talk about dreaming of someone you've lost, I expected dreams of happy times. Unexpected to dream of them being abducted, lured away or just leaving and fighting to get them back. I wake stressed and with reality an improvement.
People talk about dreaming of someone you've lost, I expected dreams of happy times. Unexpected to dream of them being abducted, lured away or just leaving and fighting to get them back. I wake stressed and with reality an improvement.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 154
I've created a little routine to start a weekend when I have nothing planned. It's enough to get me up and out, by which time I'm usually doing OK. Mine is Swim > Farmers' Market > Coffee with friends. Find one that works for you.
I've created a little routine to start a weekend when I have nothing planned. It's enough to get me up and out, by which time I'm usually doing OK. Mine is Swim > Farmers' Market > Coffee with friends. Find one that works for you.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 155
Spending an afternoon in bed (with chocolate, newspapers, etc) because I can feels a big step forward than an afternoon in bed because I can't face the world. Both equally valid when you've lost someone close, though.
Spending an afternoon in bed (with chocolate, newspapers, etc) because I can feels a big step forward than an afternoon in bed because I can't face the world. Both equally valid when you've lost someone close, though.
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 156
Dealing with grief, remembering your loved one and perhaps doing good in their memory are different from being defined by that grief. Not always obvious, but you and others need to understand the difference.
Dealing with grief, remembering your loved one and perhaps doing good in their memory are different from being defined by that grief. Not always obvious, but you and others need to understand the difference.
@threadreaderapp unroll
@threadreaderapp unroll
Tips for dealing w/bereavement No. 159
The fact that one day life is normal, then you never again see someone you gave your heart to absolutely, is unimaginable. Even once it's happened. Especially once it's happened.
The fact that one day life is normal, then you never again see someone you gave your heart to absolutely, is unimaginable. Even once it's happened. Especially once it's happened.
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
