Thread by @pulangGtech

Short AU #plotja with one-sided #joongdok and implied #spod

eng-filo

"Between the four of them who did you love the most?" Sun Wukong asked.

Kim Dokja remained silent.

He looked at the sea in front of them, listening to the sounds of the waves crashing on the shoreline

the night air was salty and humid. His skin felt sticky and Kim Dokja knew that as soon as this moment of vulnerability was over he'd regret it.

Just like everything else in his life.

"Plotter" Kim Dokja answered.

"And who hurt you the most?"

"Plotter."

They both fell silent

Kim Dokja smiled a wretched smile.

It was the sort of smile that carried fondness and regret. A smile that made anyone who looked at him fall in love with him and made them want to protect him.

It was a smile that made Kim Dokja look like a fragile glass about to break.

Kim Dokja, himself, knew it.

Secretive Plotter was the one who told him about his smile, his unlucky smile that made him fall in love with him in a heart beat.

It had been five years since Secretive Plotter had left his life but even so Kim Dokja could still see his phantoms

in his life.

Indelible traces left by a man that promised him forever only to give it to someone else.

Kim Dokja no longer had any tears left, even if he could turn back time and change everything to make Secretive Plotter stay he knew that it was futile.

He, himself, no longer wanted to see the same scenery with him in the future.

Instead he just wanted the scenery of the past where he could still love Secretive Plotter confidently the next day and where Secretive Plotter's love for him didn't diminish as the time passed.

"Will you..."Kim Dokja tucked his legs closer to his chest, head resting on his knees and asked,"listen to my story?"

Sun Wukong nodded.

"Of the four people I loved, three of them were brothers."

This was the unfortunate truth of Kim Dokja's love history.

His first love

was Lee Jihye-noona.

His second love was 41.

His third and greatest love was Secretive Plotter.

"I used to believe that he was the one for me, and that I was the one meant for him" The words felt heavy as it left his mouth, it was a truth that Kim Dokja used to believe in.

Reality, like always, proved him wrong.

"I thought that we could have been each other's happy ending" Kim Dokja confessed, "Akala ko...siya na yung taong magiging tahanan ko, yung silong ko, yung taong uuwian ko kapag napagod ako sa mundo. I thought Secretive Plotter—"

Kim Dokja tried to stop his shaky voice.

It had been a long time after all. But even so, it was still painful.

"I thought—"

He exhaled, "I thought that unlike everyone else, he would have stayed. That he was mine in the same way I was his."

Kim Dokja closed his eyes.

Sun Wukong wanted to reach out and wipe his maknae's tears away but he knew that this was one of those times when Kim Dokja preferred to be strong.

So he stayed his hand and waited. He sat there and listened because sometimes people just needed someone to listen to their story.

"Para sa kanya willing ako iwan lahat, and alam ko na ganun din siya pero nakakatawa lang na sa oras na kung kelan naman kailangan gawin yung desisyon na yun dun pa kami pumalpak"

This was Kim Dokja's greatest regret.

"Hindi kami kinulang, sadyang di lang—"

Kim Dokja swallowed, as he felt his body shake from the pain of letting his bottled up tears fall.

"di kami pinagbigyan" he whispered in pain, clutching his chest as he heaved.

Tears continued to drop from his eyes.

They could have been together, five years ago they could have

been spending the rest of their lives with each other in Prague.

but they missed their chance, Kim Dokja arrived late and Secretive Plotter left without looking back.

"It was just one more minute" He whispered between sobs.

"Isang minuto lang pero hindi pa binigay sa amin"

He was late by a minute and lost the man he had love with his entire being. Who changed him in ways he didn't expect and left indelible marks in his life.

Kim Dokja could no longer return to his past self before falling for Secretive Plotter. He was the story that Kim Dokja

would always want to re-read even when he knew the words by heart.

But he was no longer the Reader that was meant to read Secretive Plotter's story. He was not the one meant for Secretive Plotter.

They were just two ships meeting at night. He was Secretive Plotter's harbor

even if Secretive Plotter was his.

and even though Kim Dokja had made his peace with that he still couldn't help the pain in his heart.

"I loved him."

"And even now...I know that even if I fall in love with someone else, he would always be in my heart."

"What about Yoo Joonghyuk?" Sun Wukong asked with a worried look on his face.

"I love him but he would never be my Secretive Plotter."

and that was the disappointing truth.

No matter how much Kim Dokja wished for it, Yoo Joonghyuk would never be Secretive Plotter.

When the sun rises, the person who'd shelter him from the rain wouldn't be a man with a scar on his face and golden heterochromatic eyes.

He wouldn't go home to a man whose body was littered with scars.

When the sun rises, Kim Dokja would finally leave the past behind.

When the sun rises, Kim Dokja would spend the rest of his life with Yoo Joonghyuk.

When the sun rises, Yoo Joonghyuk will be his fourth and last love.

-end-