Thread by @gradydoctor

1/
At the bedside with a Grady elder, 2018.

Him: "Is that a tattoo on your wrist?"
Me: "Yes, sir."
Him: *scowls with disapproval* "You a doctor with a tattoo on your wrist?"
Me: *chuckle* "Yup."
Him: *squinting* "Is it real? Like. . . permanent?"

He leaned a little closer.

2/
Him: "What do it even say?"
Me: "It says 'sister.'"
Him: "'What you go and do that for? Was ya scared you was gon' forget you somebody sister or what?"

*laughter*

Me: "No, sir. I actually had a sister pass away in 2012."
Him: *eyes widening* "Really? Aww, sugar. I'm sorry."

3/
Me: "Yeah. Definitely not a club I wanted to be in."
Him: "I hear you. Lord knows I know 'bout that. But I'm older than you. You seem kinda young for that."
Me: *shrugs* "I guess. But from what I hear, it's no good no matter how old you are."
Him: "That sholl is the truth."

4/
Him: "Y'all got along good? You and your sister?"
Me: "Oh yeah. We were real close."
Him: "That's good. And y'all talked a lot?"
Me: "Yep. I used to see her almost every day 'cause she helped with my kids."
Him: "She ain't have no kids?"
Me: "I was her kid."

*laughter*

5/
Him: "It's good y'all wasn't at no odds. My sister wasn't in a good place with my baby brother when he died out the blue."
Me: *listening*
Him: "He got in some trouble and she was so mad with him she wouldn't even look at him or speak to him."

He shook his head and sighed.

6/
Him: "He tried and tried to get back on her good side. We tried to help, too. But she wasn't having it. See, she had damn near raised him. So they was a different kind of close."

*silence*

Him: "It was so sad."
Me: "Mmm. So. . .like what happened. . . to make her so mad?"

7/
I squeezed my eyes closed and covered my mouth.

Me: "Uggh. I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that."
Him: *waves hand* "Naw. It's okay. He got locked up for something dumb. But he had a stronghold, so yeah, really he was sick."

Stronghold.

I knew that word well.

8/
I remember my great aunt using that word years ago to describe a family member who was managing a crack addiction.

"Yeah. He got a stronghold," she said.

And that was it. It said plenty.

So I just nodded in acknowledgment of the complexity of strongholds.

Me: "Damn."

9/
Him: "Yeah. 'Damn' is right."
Me: *listening*
Him: "I mean, I ain't gon' lie. It was bad. But 'ventually he got some help. He broke out that stronghold and got off that stuff. She just ain't never find it in her spirit to forgive him. Nope."

He closed his eyes and sighed.

10/
Him: "Ain't nobody seen it coming when he up and died. Just outta nowhere he was gone." *snaps fingers*
Me: *listening*
Him: "My sister was beside herself when he died. And you know? She ain't been right since."

*silence*

Him: "What was your last words to her?"

11/
Me: "To who? My sister?"
Him: "Yeah. The one who got you inking up your body."

*laughter*

Me: *holding his gaze* "I love you, sissy. I'll see you tomorrow."
Him: *eyes softening* "That's a good memory to hold."

His mouth turned upward on one side in a half smile."

12/
Him: "I used to tell my kids that holdin' grudges don't do nothing but hold you hostage. Somebody tell you sorry, you better find it in your heart to 'cept they apology. You ain't got to loan 'em no money, but find you some peace so you ain't left with no regrets."

*silence*

13/
Me: "But. . . .what if the awful is just too awful to move past?"
Him: "Some awful is. You right about that. But a whole lot ain't, you know? It's just wrapped up in pride is all."
Me: "Hmm. A pride stronghold, huh?"
Him: *chuckles* "Yeah. I reckon so."

14/
Me: "She would have been 50 this year."
Him: "Well, I hope that don't mean you 'bout to get 50 more tattoos!"

*laughter*

Him: "I ain't no fan of tattoos. Not at all. But I think I like yours since I know what's behind it."
Me: *smiling* "I'm glad."

*standing up to leave*

15/
Me: "Alright then, sir. I'm gonna go see a few more people."
Him: "Okay then. Thanks for checking on me, hear?"
Me: "Light on or off?"
Him: "You can shut it off."

I nodded and flipped the switch downward.

16/
Him: "Hey, and listen--I'm sorry to hear 'bout your sister, hear?"
Me: "Thank you. And sir. . . I'm sorry to hear about yours, too."
Him: *sighs* "You know what, boo? I am, too."

And that was it.

Yup.

17/
I learned so much from him during his hospital stay. But his words on striving to live free of pride strongholds never left me.

Nope.

If you want to learn medicine? Go to the bedside. And if you want to learn life? Go back again.

Yeah.💛

#humanismalways
#gotothebedside