Thread by @tom_wilks

Bohemian rhapsody for postdocs:

Is this a real job?
Or more like a PhD?
Caught in short contracts
No chance of stability

Open your eyes
Look up to PIs and see
I'm just a postdoc
I get no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
Stress is high
Pay is low

Anywhere the grants go, I don't really matter, not me, not me

[Dum-dum dum-dum dum dum
Dum-dum dum-dum dum dum]

Momma, just made a plan
Got some ideas in my head
Gonna work in higher ed

Momma, thought it would be fun
Working stupid hours for low pay

Mama, ooooh
Will I make it to PI?
Everyone just looks at me with sorrow
(But I) Carry on, carry on, as if my work really matters

Too late, my contract's done,
Thought it would all be fine, but now I'm running out of time
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and make a move
Mama, oooh
I need a new PI
Ideally one who's had a Swedish call

I see a little PhD grad with a plan
It's no use, that's the truth, you must pack yours bags and go!

Manuscripts I'm writing, (with) deadlines that are frightening me
Nature said 'no', why'd they say no?
Science said 'no', 'course they said no!
Every journal has said 'no' - what do they kno-o-o-o-w?

I'm just a postdoc nobody loves me
He's just a postdoc with a poor pedigree
Wasting his life at this university
Easy come, easy go. Make me a fellow?
Reviewer: No, you won't be a fellow!
(A fellow!) Reviewer: you can't be a fellow
(A fellow!) Reviewer: you shan't be a fellow

(A fellow) You won't be a fellow
(A fellow)(Never) Never a fellow
(A fellow) (Never) a fellow (a fellow) Nah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh dear professor, dear professor, will you make me a fellow?
I need a job, but I can't find one in industry, dustry, dustryyyyy

So you think you can stop me from making PI
So you think I'll just sit here and break down and cry
Well, lately, I've been thinking that maybe
I just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

I don't really matter, anyone can see,
I don't really matter,
I don't really matter, not me
Anywhere the grants go...