Thread by @ned_potter

OBIT 🧵

Daisy Boo Biscuit Potter today departed for the great litter tray in the sky, aged 18.

Daisy was voted ‘objectively worst cat in the world’ 3 years running, and her hobbies included vomiting and ignoring us.

Daisy was adopted with her ‘sister’ Wellie from the RSPCA.

The two of them slept in the shelter curled round oneanother to trick potential buyers into thinking they were adorable.

Once home they never interacted with each other again. 👌

Wellie and Daisy had one shared aim: to annihilate our soft furnishings.

Daisy’s weapon of choice was vom, whilst Wellie chose the feacal route, constantly urinating on our sofa; on special occasions she’d also sneak a dump on there too.

In desperation we took her to the vet

The vet prescribed Feliway, a sort of cat marijuana, to relax Wellie.

This certainly worked a treat.

Rather than furtive soiling, Wellie would now jump down from the sofa, stroll casually to the corner of the room, flick us a peace sign, and shit confidently on the floor. 😎

Daisy would eat incredibly quickly, always, and was sick at least once a day. Sometimes several times.

Once again we went to the vet. Was she ill? Was her stomach working? What could we do?

The vet described her condition as - verbatim quote here - ‘a lifestyle choice.’

👍

Happy in the knowledge that vomming was now sanctioned by a professional, Daisy set about expanding her repertoire.

She developed ‘the waterfall sick’ where she’d perch at the top of a soft furnishing, and cascade vom down every possible surface of it. 🤮🛋

The sofa, which had been replaced literally the day after Wellie (who was much older) died, started to be defined by the copious voms Daisy covered it with, as did our carpets.

Daisy become famous at my place of work for her vomming. Has she vommed today, colleagues would ask?

Of *course* she has, I’d reply.

I’d meet @mkhokhar to discuss marketing the library and our 1-to-1s would start with Masud asking: “how is the vom-cat?” 😄

Meanwhile the vet prescribed incredibly expensive wet food which made Daisy’s breath smell like a woodland creature had died and lain undiscovered, in a tin of tuna, for 3 years, then been eaten, digested, and passed, and the resulting effluence used by Daisy as mouthwash.

Aged around 13, Daisy decided she couldn’t be arsed to go outside in winter any more.

Even though that was where her litter tray was.

Very much holding all the cards in this scenario, Daisy was delighted to find her litter tray brought inside - to our bathroom.

A year or so later, Daisy no longer felt troubled by the need to cover up anything she did in the litter tray, instead spending a long time meticulously scraping the plastic above the litter line, for no reason at all.

At least we couldn’t smell the vom as much now.

Daisy loved nothing more than waiting till someone was having a bath, coming into the bathroom, shitting, leaving the shit uncovered and sauntering off whilst the smell of death lingered and the bather frantically tried to escape the bath, the room, ideally the house entirely.

Aged about 16, Diasy decided to add ‘waking us up’ to her box of tricks. Pretty much every night, she’d wait till around 1am and then wonder round meowing loudly.

She’d come into each of our rooms, and really give it the beans, meow-wise.

Sometimes we’d go downstairs and fetch her. Here we are, we’d say. Oh phew, she’d say. I’ll go back downstairs then.

Then she’d meow loudly again for ages.

It was great times. None of us wanted to be well rested anyway.

Having been kitten-like her whole life, Daisy suddenly got very old very quickly. Her final days were spent on the sofa, being stroked and adored.

If there is an afterlife, it will start smelling considerably worse right about… now. 😽

So long, Daise.

ADDENDUM: I forgot this, she waited till we got covid and lost our sense of smell then vommed INTO THE RADIATOR behind the sofa.

We only realised later when our sense of smell came back and the wave of radiator-warmed months-old vom struck us.

Truly, special times.

https://twitter.com/mairi_claire_k/status/1557817127817682946

Have to say it’s been joyous reading all the replies and QTs from people who’ve had similar awful pets that they’ve loved anyway, thanks all!

oh good GOD I can't believe I didn't include this, Daisy had this trait big time.

In particular she would weave as you walked down the stairs as if killing you and making it look like an accident was something she'd been training for for years.

https://twitter.com/PatblakeBlake/status/1558112663724589057