Thread by @innominace

Why Amber Heard never pooped the bed, a story and 🧵🪡:

The day after Amber's 30th birthday dinner (22nd April 2016) Hilda Vargas, a cleaner and housekeeper for Depp for many years, arrived to clean PH3. Neither Depp nor Heard were present.

She was "horrified and disgusted" to find a pile of 💩 on the bed. She took these pictures:

Heard and Depp owned two teacup Yorkshire terriers named Pistol and Boo (respective to their owners).

Vargas thought the dogs could not have been responsible for the 💩because they were too small to climb on to the bed. She had also seen their mess before, and this was bigger.

Vargas reported this incident to Kevin Murphy, (her line manager and Depp’s estate manager), who gave the photographs to Sean Bett (Depp’s personal security guard), who passed them on to Depp.

According to Amber, she had not seen Depp since he had stormed out on her birthday dinner on 21 April, 2016.

His mother had died on 20 May 2016, and he had been understandably upset since. Amber said she had been in touch with him about this.

At around 7:15 PM, on 21 May 2016,

one month after the 💩 photos were taken, and 1 day after his mom died,

Depp arrived drunk and high to penthouse 3 to collect some of his things.

Amber was alone at the time. Depp was furious about 💩 being left on the bed.

They called Kevin Murphy, who told him Amber said she had pooped on the bed “as a prank”.

Amber angrily denied this to him over the phone, and in subsequent text messages.

"You literally told Johnny, in front of me, that I told you it was a prank! And now you want to explain? How could you? That was a complete lie - and you know it. You can not look me in the eye and tell me we had that conversation. I can't believe you. What did I ever do to you?”

Amber became worried for her safety. Amber called iO Wright, saying Johnny thought they were responsible for the feces. iO found the accusation ridiculous. Johnny overheard iO laughing, came back downstairs, and swore at him over the phone. Then it turned violent.

Amber’s story:

Amber told iO that Johnny had thrown it directly at her face and hit her with it. At that point, iO heard Johnny say. “Oh you think I hit you? What if I pull your hair back?” The phone dropped.

Amber shrieked, and she yelled at iO to please call 911.

iO’s story below:

Johnny left before the police came. Amber did not give the police a statement. iO asked her why not, and Amber said because then they would be obligated to arrest Johnny and it would end up on TMZ.

She conceded TMZ would know Monday anyways.

Amber texts her parents, says she is 1/2 Johnny’s size, didn’t fight, and her lawyer said a TRO was the only option.

She threatened to cut her dad off if he took Johnny’s side. Her mom apologized, saying “I’m so glad you were not fighting back, that will go a long way in court”

Kevin Murphy testified under oath in the UK, that Amber angrily told him in a phone call that the 💩 had been a "harmless prank”. He did not testify in the US trial.

Attorney Wass said this story was “an attempt to make Ms. Heard appear disgusting and absurd in the public eye.”

In the US trial, Starling Jenkins III, an executive limo driver and security personnel who has worked for Johnny since 1993, claimed that Amber told him on the way to Coachella with her friends that she had pooped the bed as a “practical joke gone wrong."

Oddly enough, Starling Jenkins did not think to mention this conversation at all in the UK trial. Below is his entire witness statement.

It stands to reason that Murphy and Jenkins swapped stories.

If you’re wondering why Johnny Depp’s personal staff might be encouraged to lie for him, this is how much he pays:

Heard would testify both in the US and in the UK that she did not 💩 the bed. She called it “disgusting” and was “not in the pranking mood” as her husband had attacked her on her 30th birthday.

She testified that the bed that was pooed in was in penthouse 3, which was her house 90% of the time.

Johnny was not at PH3 when the 💩 happened, and was at a West Hollywood home where he would usually retire to when the couple had arguments.

She said the dogs, particularly his dog, Boo, had bowel issues ever since getting into Johnny's marijuana stash when she was a puppy.

Before leaving for Coachella, Amber and Raquel had put the dogs on the bed so they wouldn’t 💩 on the floor.

Also, Boo had pooed the bed before. On 29th, October 2014, Amber wrote in a text message to Kevin Murphy:

“Last night she [Boo] 💩 on Johnny. While he was sleeping. Like all over him. Not exaggerating.”

Johnny initially blamed iO for the 💩, who he thought would be the “only one crass enough to commit such an act.”

According to Murphy’s witness statement, Depp was “sullen and disgusted" and wanted to get the poop tested for DNA evidence.

It is unclear why that never happened.

He also has a different version of 21 May 2016.

Murphy told Johnny that Heard said the 💩 was “harmless prank”. Amber called him a “fucking liar”. Johnny told her not to speak to Murphy that way and he wanted a divorce. Amber called iO and started “mocking and goading" him.

Murphy testified Depp only threw a phone on the sofa, never swore, and that a phone never hit Amber.

When he arrived, Amber shouted “don’t hit me Johnny” when Johnny was 20 feet away, and that she and Raquel started fake crying when security entered.

Aka, it was a hoax.

Murphy claimed that Johnny was very upset by the 💩incident.

When asked if Depp had a “slight lavatorial sense of humor”, Murphy said that he “never knew that, no.”

But from as early as 11th, October 2013, Johnny was joking about Boo’s 💩.

“Will you squat in front of the door of the master bedroom and leave a giant coil of dookie so that Amber steps in it and thinks that one of the dogs, primarily Boo, has a major problem. It’ll be funny!!”

Depp also called himself the “Shatter”, a pun on him playing The Mad Hatter in “Alice In Wonderland”. He told his assistant Stephen Deuters that he would “poop on his chest”.

Asked if his boss found “feces and things like that quite funny”, Deuters admitted, “Yes, I suppose so.”

Stephen Deuters is CEO of Johnny Depp's UK and European based film & television production company and has worked with Johnny for over 17 years.

He did not testify in the US trial.

Depp initially thought that the 💩 pictures were “hilarious”. He even made a variety of 💩 puns.

He texted Murphy:
“Poop, that story made my day.”
“My wife left a whopper poop on my bed.”
“I’ve been through a whole lot of shit with her.”
“Amber Turd.”

Depp came up with the term “Amber Turd” himself, just like he had made up the phrase “mega pint”, much to the confusion of the NGN's attorney, Wass.

Q. “We saw you pour a sort of —“
A. “Mega pint.”🍷
Q. “Mega pint, which is not everybody’s choice for breakfast, is it?
A. “No.”

Here’s Johnny Depp in the US trial pretending that he has never heard of the term “mega pint” before.

Finally, Johnny regarded this incident as the reason he wanted a divorce. Not Amber allegedly being verbally and physically abusive, not her chopping off his finger, or refusing to sign prenup, but the fact that she made a 💩 in a bed he wasn’t even sleeping on.

All in all, even if Amber had pooed bed as a ‘prank’, Johnny was the exact kind of guy that would find it funny. And regardless if she did or not, it still lead to her getting beaten for it.

And if you think adult women should not have a lavatorial sense of humor, you have obviously never read 10th dimension boys by Cutbu (woman) which is an absolute masterpiece.

webtoons.com/en/comedy/10th…

To reiterate, these are the kind of jokes the internet has been making for the past few months, all featuring the nickname #AmberTurd

And this is a real person @billmaher who participated in this trend.

Along these people:
@PewDiePie
@Jacksepticeye

And you too.

(you know who you are)

End thread 🧶

EDIT:

According to Josh Drew (Amber's friend) Johnny Depp had said Kevin Murphy did get a DNA test, and that the 💩 had come back positive for human DNA.

However, Josh Drew admits that he wanted as "little to do with any of it as possible", and had the impression Depp had actually rolled over in the 💩, when really he was only shown photographs by his security guard.

Moreover, Murphy's testimony was unreliable for a few reasons:

Finally, this supposed DNA evidence paperwork was never actually presented at the UK or US trials.

Bonus:
Kate Moss — Johnny's former girlfriend and trial witness, who waited 2 decades to debunk a popular rumor about him pushing her down the stairs (and gained many creative projects post-trial) attests that she pulled her first diamond necklace out of his buttcrack at dinner.

Bonus 2:

The UK Judge did not believe Amber 💩 the bed either.

On November 2, 2022: High Court Justice Andrew Nicol decided "it is highly unlikely that Ms Heard or one of her friends was responsible".

That should've have ended the debate there, yet here we still are.