akivamcohen.bsky.social Profile picture
Sep 9, 2022 59 tweets 26 min read Read on X
Hey, #LitigationDisasterTourists in some shocking news.

And yeah, the court has what to say. Gotta finish off some client work before I dive into this later today.

But while you wait, here's the link to the thread from when this was filed. Image
Folks, you probably don't even need me to break this one down for you, because judge Middlebrooks wrote most of it for a lay audience (most likely because he realized that included Trump's "lawyers"). Let's hit the highlights!
Here's the judge's summary of what specific nonsense Trump tried to argue ImageImage
Brutality.

I mean, not just the "I agree" line, though that's an evisceration. But ... if the judge is gonna take some time to not just bounce you out of court, but to read you the riot act for what an organizational mess your complaint is as a legal document, you done fucked up Image
Ouch. Image
This is basically begging the Defendants to file a sanctions motion, and I have to wonder if they sent Rule 11 letters when they got the complaint. I certainly would have. Image
Alina. Habba. Does. Not. Know. Law.

And it's inexcusable. This isn't esoteric stuff buried in an obscure precedent somewhere. It's the first thing you'd find if you were competent and started your research by looking at the legal elements of your claims. Unreal ImageImage
1) I may or may not have mentioned that exact thing.

2) YOUCH Image
I would retire to a monastery somewhere if a judge ever said this about me.

BTW, what are the odds that conservative lolyers will stop confusing "pleading" with "briefing" after this? ImageImage
FLEE THE COUNTRY Image
I'm going to skip the section on shotgun pleading and how to properly name Doe defendants. Basically, unlike every other circuit, the 11th circuit dramatically disfavors "we incorporate by reference every prior allegation", and Habba, being from NJ, didn't know that.
To be fair, that's exactly the type of thing I'd expect my local counsel to warn me about, so that's not really on her - except to the extent that she was involved in picking local clownsel instead of someone competent
Here, Habba managed to get Trump's claims tossed by not remembering the Westfall Act, which Trump tried to use as a defense in E. Jean Carroll's suit against him (defamation for saying she lied about Trump raping her).

Trump's lawyer in that suit is now Alina Habba, btw. ImageImageImageImage
More on why Trump's claims here Westfell on their face, including "you buffoons incorporated by reference the IG Report, meaning the judge can consider its conclusions when deciding whether to dismiss your complaint" Image
Those claims get dismissed without prejudice, meaning that if Trump wants to he can go to the House and FBI and ask them to pay him for his "damages" and THEN sue the defendants again ... except for the rest of the dismissal order saying it's meritless
Next we have the "what the fuck do I have to do with Florida" defendants.

Trump tried to argue "I can sue anywhere for RICO" which is true, but only if you, you know, have a valid RICO claim, which he doesn't. Otherwise, they need to have something to do with FL ... ImageImage
which he didn't really bother to do.

Like what the hell even is this: you gave information to someone who passed it to someone else who used it in a way that impacted Florida? Or "you hurt the country as a whole"? How high were they when they floated this? Image
"they knew that Florida is a state in the United States which was an important one" MIGH GUD Image
1) Hooray, he cited linear time!

2) I can't believe that a real life federal judge needed to explain the part in red ImageImage
Now for the substance. You have to work to plead yourself into dismissal on the statute of limitations, and oh boy did they ever manage it. How did they not oppose a request for judicial notice?? ImageImageImageImage
Oh, right, they were focused on the "no statutes of limitations apply to me because I was President" argument (which was dumb). You can't argue "it was impossible to sue because I was prez" when you were suing left and right as President Image
"Toll because I was waiting on the government's criminal RICO claims" doesn't work because, oops, there weren't any of those Image
Last, we've got "fraudulent concealment" - i.e. these bad people did things that prevented me from learning I had claims.

But MY DUDE. You have been banging this drum for years. Stop it. ImageImage
Next we have "but I didn't really know I was injured until later" ... except you pled that you had expenses (which aren't an injury, but what you claimed as your injury) beginning in 2017. So ... no. Image
Trade secret not gonna save you either. Bye Image
Now in most cases, the court would stop there. The claims are time-barred. Why bother addressing whether they state a claim?

Middlebrooks doesn't - he eviscerates the substance as well. The normal reason to do this is to appeal-proof an opinion. But here, there's probably also a
"because fuck if I'm going to let him argue that he lost on a technicality" aspect to it, too
YEEEEP
Do you know how hard it is to file a RICO claim that doesn't satisfy ANY of the RICO elements? Not because RICO elements are easy to show. But because if you can't satisfy ANY, why the fuck did you think it was RICO in the first place? Image
All the
Wrong things
You did
This pleading
I'll take
One rip
At your
Stupid shit ImageImageImageImage
Sorry it ain't so
This isn't how it goes
Turn the lights off
Wheelbarrow Trump home
Keep his head still
He's mentally ill
Turn the lights off
Carry him home

BTW, that red highlight? "MY. BOXES." cc @SonnyBunch ImageImageImageImage
Anyway, thus ends the "trade secret" idiocy Image
Last (on predicate acts) wire fraud, which Trump tossed in at the desperate last moment. And I'm sure this is as much a surprise to you as it is to me, incompetently ImageImageImage
Having not managed to identify a single predicate act, Trump obviously also failed to prove a pattern of predicate acts. But also, as I mentioned the first time around, he hasn't pled "continuity" (read that thread for a fuller explanation) ImageImageImage
What about the enterprise requirement? He at least proved a RICO conspiracy, right?

Uh ... no. ImageImageImage
How about injury?
Shocking ImageImage
OK, moving on from RICO to "we can't plead defamation, so why don't we just call it 'injurious falsehood'"
Linear time strikes again.

And also, no, criticizing you isn't "injurious falsehood" you authoritarian garbage fire ImageImageImage
"You hurt my reputation" isn't injurious falsehood; it has to be a loss of *business*. So Trump claimed to be disclaiming reputational damages. But he can't shoehorn this into the injurious falsehood bin; he has no property rights in a political career - and he WON in 2016 ImageImageImage
Plus, again, he missed ALL the elements. No injury, no falsity, etc. - and, oh, right, the First Amendment clearly protects people offering opinions on Trump's conduct in office.

Fuck off, Donny ImageImage
Next, malicious prosecution, which fails to even get up off the couch since there *was no prosecution*

Plus - and thank you, Judge Middlebrooks, for reinforcing this - the Mueller Report *didn't* exonerate Trump. It expressly said as much. So it wasn't a "favorable termination" ImageImageImage
Next we have the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act claim based on the DNS data, and yeah, we already know how that ends. ImageImageImageImage
Not only didn't Trump bother pleading any unauthorized access to the DNS data, he didn't plead any resulting financial loss ImageImage
On theft of trade secrets: again, lolno. But also, loltoolate Image
On to the Stored Communications Act in Judge Middlebrooks' disaster tour, and again, what the hell were you waiting for? Image
But also, he didn't really plead an SCA claim to begin with; Trump isn't an ISP or an email provider ImageImageImageImage
Last (IIRC) we have agency (not a separate claim) and respondeat superior (same).
Like I said lo these many months ago, this is not a thing. There's no standalone cause of action for this stuff. And all the underlying claims were garbage. So ... in the trash this goes, too ImageImage
Now come the hammer blows
First: LOL, no. I'm not letting you try a *third* time when you went with this abomination of a pleading after the Defendants had helpfully made all these points about what you screwed up before you filed your amended complaint.

GTFOH ImageImage
And second ...
No. See, you're done with me. This case is finished.

But I? I'm not done with you.

Middlebrooks expressly retained jurisdiction to consider sanctions ImageImage
That ... well, remember how often y'all ask me "will there be any consequences" and I say "probably not"?

There will be consequences here. There's absolutely zero question he's granting sanctions for this dumpster fire - the only questions are "against whom" and "how bad
/fin

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
 

Keep Current with akivamcohen.bsky.social

akivamcohen.bsky.social Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @AkivaMCohen

Jun 30, 2023
OK, time to get myself ratioed.

The SCOTUS affirmative action decision was legally wrong - poorly reasoned and legally silly. But in the long run, and if it spurs schools to use socioeconomic status and opportunity as the finger on the scales, it will be a net positive
Race is a blunt instrument, and I think we *all* agree that, for example, Willow Smith doesn't need or warrant any sort of bump on her college application. But Willow Smith is a WILD outlier and "but what about [insert rare exception]" isn't a useful policy framework
So yeah, it was perfectly reasonable for universities to use that blunt instrument.

As many of these university reaction statements are making clear, the burden will now be to find finer instruments that allow for the same intended benefit of taking into account the very real
Read 7 tweets
Jun 9, 2023
This thread from Yesh is a good example of a philosophical mistake I like to call "solutionism" - the belief that if a problem is bad enough then there must be a solution out there to resolve it, because "yeah, it sucks, it can't be solved for" is too unthinkable to bear
You see it a lot in the context of Israel/Palestine, with people convinced that the right mixture of fairy dust & button pushing can lead to a peaceful resolution that addresses all of the important and competing imperatives, it's just that nobody has found the right mixture yet
And we're seeing it with "a large portion of the population is willing to believe any prosecution of crimes by Trump is political"

Yes, that sucks. Yes, that's a potentially society-destroying problem.

No, there isn't a solution
Read 8 tweets
Jun 9, 2023
@yesh222 You don't worry about that, because it's not a solveable problem. You keep doing the right thing and hope that convictions and mounting evidence prevents more people from joining the conspiracy theorists, but that's all you can do
@yesh222 I said this 4 years ago, and it's proven true in every particular.

Read 4 tweets
May 19, 2023
That she was the one stealing the bike.

Literally nothing she did on the video is consistent with her new story. When her colleague came over and the kids said "that's his bike, he already paid for it" she didn't deny it, or look surprised by the claim.
Like ... how do you determine truth in a they-said-she-said situation? Watch human behavior. Throughout the video, the kids' tone is exactly what you'd expect for someone who believes their own story. Hers very much is not
And when her colleague comes and suggests that the kids get another bike, and they say "no, he paid for that bike, he unlocked it, it's his" there's exactly no reaction of "no, *I* paid for it" or "what the hell", which is what you'd expect if they were lying
Read 4 tweets
May 9, 2023
Hey, Twitter, and especially my #LitigationDisasterTourists, gather round. B/cwhile DM is focusing in on the court finding that selling videogame cheats is criminal copyright infringement and RICO, I'd like to tell you about something different. The CFAA, and @KathrynTewson
And don't get me wrong - that RICO stuff is big news that should be sending shockwaves through the cheat software industry. Cheatmakers often use resellers. Being found liable on a RICO violation means that every reseller could potentially be liable for 100% of the damage caused
by the cheat software.

And by 100%, of course, I mean 300%, since RICO comes with treble damages. Plus attorneys' fees. So that's a big deal.

As is the finding that it's criminal copyright infringement. Those are both new precedents in the area, and that's huge.
Read 21 tweets
Mar 8, 2023
I'm not inclined to forgive antisemitism, but this is more a learning opportunity than a defenestration opportunity. There are people who still legitimately don't understand that "Jew down" or "gyp" are slurs; it's just a phrase they've grown up around and use w/o thought
And yes, he doubled down when called out on it. That's almost always going to happen when someone who sincerely doesn't believe they're doing anything bigoted is called out for it in a public setting.

The real test will be whether he can learn (& apologize) as he gets more info
Also, HOLY FUCKING SHIT @pnj, you couldn't find an *actual* Jew to get a quote from, so you decided to go to a Christian LARPing as a Jew for missionizing purposes? What the absolute fuck? pnj.com/story/news/loc…
Read 4 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!


This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal

Or Donate anonymously using crypto!

Ethereum

0xfe58350B80634f60Fa6Dc149a72b4DFbc17D341E copy

Bitcoin

3ATGMxNzCUFzxpMCHL5sWSt4DVtS8UqXpi copy

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us!

:(