Thread by @gradydoctor

1/
There are these moments in medicine
that are awesome
No, not the "like totally" kind
but the kind that evokes
a real, true feeling
of wonder and magic

Awesome

Today, I am reflecting on a day
that I witnessed awesome

The real, true feeling
of wonder and magic
in medicine

2/
A young student doctor
stared into the eyes of his patient
a nonagenarian Grady elder
This would be a first for him
breaking bad news

or rather heavy news
to a real person
with a real life
hearing that real news
the kind of news that alters
real plans

Yeah

3/
With hearing as sharp as her wit and cognition
his patient was aware
aware of what he said
aware of what he meant

Yes, she was

And so
he uttered that word that sometimes chills blood
and stops tracks

"Cancer"

He said it
and she heard it

Yes, she did

4/
Her wizened eyes brimmed with tears
her lip began to quiver

Him: "Are you okay?"
Her: "Baby, I'm fine."

*silence*

Her: "Are you okay?"
Him: *lopsided shrug*

She reached out for his hand
and encircled it in her own

Him: "Are you . . . scared?"

She shook her head no.

5/
First, they sat in silence. But then, she spoke:

Her: "On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations."

I felt my breath hitch.

6/
I wasn't sure what the passage was, but I knew it was a biblical reference.

But.

I've learned that regardless of what you believe, the wisdom of the elders who've lived and survived things is a religious experience worth having.

He seemed to get that
which I loved

I did

7/
She then described her vision to him
of the tree of life
of our part of bearing fruit in it

But especially his
and he hung on
to her every word

Yes, he did

And she didn't appear afraid
No, she did not

She squeezed his hand
and he squeezed hers, too

8/
Then she petitioned her God
to guide that young doctor
to keep him humble
aware
selfless

and filled with awe

And the whole time she kept his palm
in her trembling grasp
and, lucky for me, I was there for it all

Quietly soaking it in

9/
Her words felt like that river
her soul bearing us fruit
and leaves for the healing of the nations
in hard times

And all of it was awesome
No, not in the "like totally" way
but in the way that evokes a real, true feeling
of wonder and magic

Which, for me, never gets old

10/
No, it never gets old
and always feels new
especially when witnessing it
through novice eyes

I know
In the books we find the knowledge
the guidelines, the rules, and the algorithms
we read them and you memorize them
and convince ourselves that this is what it means

11/
What it means to be
a doctor
Memorizing stuff
and that this is what serves
as our metaphorical tree of medical life

But no

On that day
we were reminded
that a river runs through it all
flowing with these moments
that can never, ever
be found in books

Ever

12/
You know?
This happened in 2014
and that medical student ultimately grew up
to become an oncologist.

Hand over heart, he did

A piece of me will always believe
that this moment
with this patient
had something to do with it

Maybe
maybe not

But my vote is that it did

Yeah

13/
And yes
This work is hard sometimes
& exhausting
but a river of awesome runs through it

It does

No, not in the "like totally" way
but in the way that evokes a real, true feeling
of wonder & magic

And still
after all this time
I am in awe

Still, I am.

#humanismalways