Thread by @wheystrel

// ❄️🔥🦚🦉 #kaeluc #luckae threadfic/drabble revolving around the exchange they had in Carmen Dei (Venti's SQ) behind Angel's Share

cw: angst, guilt

"The thing about wine is," Kya continues, "you have to drink it at the tavern or you miss out on half the fun." Pallad and Silio nod in agreement as Dlc fights the urge to roll his eyes.

"Seems to me you'd find some way of keeping yourself amused even if you drank alone." Dlc winces inwardly as he hears the words leaving his mouth. While it makes sense to keep up this antagonistic façade while they collude to protect Mond, had he gone too far this time?

Dlc can't tell if Kya's laughter is a little strained or if he's just hearing things. "If I didn't know any better, I would say you're being deliberately uncivil." He is reminded that Kya truly sees him, beyond his clumsy attempts at conversation. It's okay, Kya seems to say.

Dlc slowly relaxes his fists, which, unbeknownst to him, were clenched in anticipation of Kya's response. He tries again, hoping the words come out right this time. "Just...drink responsibly on my premises, okay?" Kya eyes him sharply.

"Oh? And if I did have one too many, what then? You'd throw me out along with the trash, is that it?" Dlc's eyes widen a fraction as he recalls what he had screamed at Kya that night. Did he read Kya wrongly? He searches Kya's face, finding nothing but a mocking smile.

He had spent four years away; more than enough time for Kya to change in ways Dlc would not recognise. "Throw you out?" Dlc parrots, feeling something in him crack. "You know...the same way you threw out Father's legacy? You sold off his mansion—or maybe you've forgotten?"

He is used to exchanging jabs with Kya in public, but they had never once referenced their fight that night. It stings. Dlc knows he deserves it. Nothing will take away the guilt of sin. It is not okay after all. Even if Kya saw through his first blunder in this conversation.

The accusation of throwing out Father's legacy is supposed to hurt, but Kya's throwaway reference to being disowned leaves Dlc's heart in tatters—there is nothing left to damage further. Nevertheless, the uncrowned king of Mond has an image to keep up.

Dlc tries to keep the hurt out of his voice. "I see no reason to cling to things that have outlived their purpose." Kya raises an eyebrow. Dlc feels pinned in place, unable to bend down to gather up the pieces of himself that have spilled. He waits to be called out and torn down.

Kya has no reason to help him keep up his image. Even so, he is merciful in his response. "Is that so? Then I trust you were most swift indeed to part with a certain vase?" Dlc blinks, quickly schooling his expression into something more neutral. "Sorry, I have no recollection."

Internally, Dlc is reeling. His chest aches as he stuffs down the remnants of his unchecked emotions to properly deal with Kya's deflection. Of course he remembers. He can picture the gaudy piece in his head now, sitting proudly on full display right in the middle of the manor.

Kya knows he still has it and Dlc knows Kya's teasing him again, but it doesn't make his face burn any less. "That's odd, because Master Diluc definitely has a vase at home – a beautiful one, unmistakeable, in fact—" Barbatos save him, even Pallad knows about the vase.

Kya's eye glitters and Dlc knows he has lost this round. It usually only worsens his competitive streak and makes him even more determined to win the next argument they have, but this time he just feels wrung out.

The others are distracted by the timely arrival of Venti, Paimon, and the Traveller, who's aiming a device at them and squinting into said device. A rather peculiar sight, but he's already gotten used to the Traveller's and his flying companion's strangeness.

"So, let me get this straight," he says after they've explained themselves. "You have a device with which you were trying to see if I have an imaginary friend?" They nod enthusiastically, and there's a sparkle in Venti's eyes. He catches the curious glance Kya sends their way.

"You're wasting your time. And to be clear, fifteen years earlier you still would be wasting your time." The two are unfazed, turning to ask Kya for his input. "Imaginary friends? Wow, what a fascinating thing to investigate!" Of course Kya encourages and soothes where he cannot.

"I would love to join you, really..." he gives Dlc a sidelong look. Was he checking on him? "But I'm already several drinks in." He finished with a chuckle.

Being "several drinks in" didn't mean Kya wasn't sober. He was nowhere near tipsy, Dlc was certain of it.

So why...?

Dlc watched as the Traveller and Paimon moved on to ask Silio and Pallad the same thing.

What Dlc didn't tell them was that fifteen years ago, he already had a real friend and didn't need an imaginary one. A real boy had come into his life, one who would become his best friend—

no—someone who would become more than that. His confidant, his counterpart, his heart.

That is, until his heart hurt so bad he tore it out and set it ablaze before flinging it far from him, afraid of the further damage he would cause it.

Until he ruined everything.

And yet,

this stubborn heart would keep his Vision close while he went on his Retribution: World Tour,

would say its first desperate prayer for his safety when it sees his Vision flicker,

would cover for him and his vigilante activities,

would banter with him, jabs, insults and all.

Kya claps his hands. "Well! It's getting late. Thank you for your hospitality, Master Dlc." Silio and Pallad echo their thanks and take their leave.

Dlc is unlocking the back door to Angel's Share when he feels Kya's hand land on his shoulder.

"A word, Master Dlc?"

Dc lets them both in and shuts the door behind him. "What is it?"

He busies his hands with putting things away, not trusting himself to keep still. The silence makes his skin prickle.

"Any time before the harvest would be good."

Dlc bites his cheek. Kya didn't deserve that.

"I—" Kya is interrupted by the sound of shattering glass.

Dlc in his high-strung state had crushed the glass he was cleaning in his hand.

"'Luc!"

Kya is by his side in an instant, taking his wrists and inspecting his hands carefully. Dlc's eyes squeeze shut.

He doesn't deserve Kya's care. He knows it, but his treacherous heart leaps anyway. He grits his teeth and yanks his hands away.

"It's fine—"

"It's not," Kya barks, and Dlc flinches. He hadn't been able to get a handle on his emotions and made a mess of everything. Again.

Dlc is exhausted. No matter how hard he tries, he is never enough. Not for Kya, not for his conscience. His conscience screams at him to be kind, but he mangles the words every time. And when he does manage to be kind, Kya's jabs get sharper.

Dlc stays silent as Kya fishes out the medicine kit and patches up his hands. He relishes the burn of the antiseptic, grounding himself with it. Kya is oddly gentle in tending the little cuts, his touch almost reassuring as he turns Dlc's hands over.

Tears prick at Dlc's eyes.

Undeserving, he thinks bitterly. Destructive hands that only know how to hurt ought not to be treated with such tenderness, especially not by a victim of those very hands.

He wills the tears away and shrinks into himself, curling around the hurt that festers in his chest.

Never enough, and far from worthy. Kya deserves better.

Dlc finds his voice when Kya moves to return the medicine kit to its rightful place.

"Thank you, Kya. You didn't have to—"

"Master Dlc," Kya sighs, turning around. Dlc winces.

Sir Kya, his brain corrects him belatedly.

Kya pulls up a chair and sits in front of Dlc, leaning into his space. Kya's piercing gaze unnerves Dlc and he turns away, his eyes trained on the ground.

"Hey," Kya murmurs, rubbing circles over Dlc's forearms with his thumbs. His face is inches away from Dlc's. "Look at me."

Reluctantly, Dlc turns his head and risks a glance at Kya.

"There you are," Kya whispers, resting his forehead on Dlc's.

This must be a dream. Maybe the whole day was a dream, imaginary friends at all. Nothing like being hyperaware of your acute loneliness, Dlc thinks wryly.

They have not been this close since Dlc lashed out at Kya. While it is no question that they trust each other with their lives, they have held each other at arm's length ever since that night.

Not only for Kya's safety, but also to protect his wounded heart.

He hears a sound between a sob and a laugh bubble out from between his lips before Kya stiffens.

"Dlc?"

He lets out the same strange sound before closing his eyes.

"Pathetic, isn't it?"

"'Luc, what's going on—"

"That I'd cook up something like this for my subconscious to find solace. I know I don't deserve love, much less from someone I keep hurting—"

"'Luc?"

"—I love him, but I'm not good enough. He deserves only tenderness and love; I'm only good for breaking things."

Dlc sighs and smiles brokenly. "For what it's worth, thank you for looking after me. I can only hope the real you is safe, warm, and happy."

His eyes open only to see tears streaming down Kya's face.

"Wait, no—" Dlc stutters. "I didn't mean to! I'm sorry I hurt you again—"

Kya shushes the shaking Dlc and pulls him onto his lap, holding him fast and tucking his head into the crook of his neck.

Kya nuzzles his hair. "How can I be 'warm and happy' when the love of my life has been tearing himself apart all these years?"

Dlc stiffens and then slumps.

His subconscious seems to be extra cruel tonight. Love of his life? Nonsense.

"'Luc—"

"Please," Dlc's voice is barely above a whisper. "Let me enjoy this, at least until I wake up."

He hears Kya sigh before he feels a sharp pain in his side and yelps. He pulls back, frowning.

"Are we awake now?" Kya strokes his side in apology, peering at Dlc's face. He sees the exact moment of realisation and tightens his hold around a wide-eyed Dlc.

"Apologies, I shouldn't be—"

"I want you here, have I not made that clear?"

Dlc hesitates. "But why would you…?"

"I forgave you a long time ago, 'Luc."

"You shouldn't have."

There's a sad smile on Kya's face when he pulls Dlc close.

"That's not for you to decide," he murmurs, stroking Dlc's hair. "You've punished yourself enough—" Kya chokes, "—I can't bear to see you in so much pain."

Dlc's heart plummets. "I'm sorry, I—Look, it won't happen again."

"Dlc Rgnvndr!" Dlc winces. Wrong answer. "This isn't about what I can and cannot see. You know you can't hide from me anyway." Kya's voice softens. "All I ask is for you to let me in. Please?"

"But I hurt you," Dlc whispers.

"No more than I hurt you today," Kya counters.

"That's nothing—"

"That's not nothing," Kya argues, raising his voice again. "Not when you've been spiralling right under my nose the whole time."

"Not when the smallest act of kindness on my part convinces you that you must be dreaming, and certainly not when you've managed to convince yourself that you are unworthy and undeserving of love."

Dlc's vision blurs and his lower lip wobbles. He balls his hands in Kya's shirt.

"I went too far with our banter today," Kya continues. Dlc blinks rapidly, training his eyes on the corner of the room to ground himself.

"And I'm sorry that in our bid to appear in opposition to each other in public, I have failed to show you, after all this time, that I care."

It's no fault of Kya's. "But you've been looking out for me. I've noticed."

"Sure, but that doesn't change how our fights eat at you long after the fact." Kya's voice gets thicker. "It's almost as though there's none of you left in there."

Dlc slowly wraps his arms around Kya.

"I'm still here," Dlc murmurs.

"Archons, I can't lose you again," Kya whispers harshly. Dlc's throat closes up.

A whimper echoes through the quiet room and it takes a while for Dlc to realise that it came from him. He bites down hard on his lower lip but it doesn't help.

He was the older one, he was supposed to look out for Kya, not the other way around. Again, he is reminded that this is not the worst Kya has seen of him.

Kya isn't supposed to see him in such a broken, fragile state.

Not that his body cares. His eyes sting and his nose runs.

He is trembling. The ache in his chest shoots down his arm and his palm throbs, the manifestation of pain almost defiant.

He deserves to feel the pain, a part of him reasons. But a larger, more tired part of him wishes it would all just end.

Dlc feels a gentle hand coaxing his head to the crook of Kya's neck, shallow breaths stuttering against his skin.

Dlc curls in on himself, squeezing his eyes shut, desperate to regain control.

Soft lips press against his temple. "Don't hide from me, 'Luc, please. I know you."

How wretched it is to be known in weakness.

Dlc's frame shakes with sobs, his voice raw with anguish as he wails piteously. He is helpless to stop the tears spilling over, or the violent hiccoughs that punctuate his cries. He holds onto the man beneath him, burning with shame.

Dlc feels Kya cradle him close and nuzzle the crown of his head, his gentle crooning a balm that soothes the terrible ache.

"That's it, 'Luc, you can let go. I've got you, you're safe."

The scared child deep down inside of him feels reassured for the first time in years.

Dlc doesn't remember the last time he cried this hard. Neither his father's demise nor his fight with Kya resulted in an outburst of this magnitude.

His bone-deep exhaustion has finally caught up to him and it's not letting him get away scot-free.

Dlc is not sure how much time has elapsed when he finally calms down. His head is tucked under Kya's chin and his spine tingles as Kya runs his hands up and down his back.

"Sorry, Kae." Dlc croaks, looking up at him.

Kya flashes a wobbly smile. "None of that now, okay?"

Kya pulls out a handkerchief and lightly dabs at Dlc's face. Dlc's face warms at the intimacy.

"Let's get you some water," Kya says, holding Dlc's waist and nudging backwards.

That's also when Dlc realises that he has spent an inordinate amount of time straddling Kya's lap.

He scrambles off of Kya, his face burning. He trips, but Kya is quick to catch him.

"Take your time," Kya murmurs, easing Dlc into the chair. Slowly, telegraphing his movements, Kya presses a kiss against Dlc's forehead.

"I'll be right back."

Dlc watches Kya move behind the bar. The fluidity of motion exudes familiarity and a sense of belonging.

Kya catches him staring and his expression softens. He hands him the glass and Dlc downs the water in seconds. He's more thirsty than he realised.

Kya refills his glass wordlessly. Apart from the ticking of the clock on the wall and Dlc's sniffles, the room is quiet.

Dlc breaks the silence. "What did you want to say before I…before all this?"

"You were different today," Kya mumbles, shifting uncomfortably. "More…lost."

Dlc sucks in a breath.

"I mean, you didn't exactly return to Mond the same ball of sunshine you were back then." Dlc raises an eyebrow.

"But today, the fire in you had gone out completely. I needed to make sure you were okay. That's all, really." Kya offers Dlc a small smile.

Dlc doesn't know what to do with this information.

He considers apologising for his state of being, but then remembers Kya told him not to.

"Thank you for looking out for me and for taking care of me in spite of everything I've done," he tries.

Kya shakes his head.

"'Luc, did you not hear a word I said?"

Dlc's brows furrow.

"I called you the love of my life, remember?" Dlc stares wide-eyed into Kya's exposed eye.

"Even this version of me?" he whispers.

"Oh, 'Luc." Kya rests his forehead against Dlc's for the second time that night.

"It's still you, isn't it?" Kya asks, stroking Dlc's cheek with his thumb.

"I suppose this awful side of me has always been there," Dlc reasons, swallowing thickly. "Just hiding behind etiquette lessons and expectations of being of noble birth."

Kya hums thoughtfully.

"But so has the side of you that comforts Klee with juice even after she blows up the vineyards, the one that still spends time with her despite what she calls you—"

"And whose fault is that?"

Kya laughs genuinely and Dlc's heart gives a little squeeze.

"The one that worries too much about how I feel even when we're supposed to be arguing," Kya scoffs. "Don't think I don't notice you looking appalled at your own words."

"You come off as callous, but I know you." He continues, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Dlc's ear.

Dlc's heart pounds in his chest. Kya knew the whole time. Kya knows him inside and out, even after four years of separation.

Did he know Kya though? His silver-tongue remained his sharpest weapon, but Dlc remembers being caught off guard by Kya's dressing and flirtatiousness.

It was almost as if Kya was a stranger.

Then he witnessed the gentleness with which Kya treats the children of Mond. Kya teasing Klee, encouraging Bennett, playing into Amy's fantasies, how he even manages to soothe an irate Diona.

Just like how he used to be with him as a kid.

He saw how he loosens up around Rosaria. It's with a pang of jealousy that he realises that he never sees Kya fully relaxing in Angel's Share because he's still there watching them.

He saw the familiar jesting, just like how they used to, and swallowed his regret like hot coals.

And now he sees Kya, baring his heart before him. Holding him, comforting him, reassuring him that there is space for him—all of him—in Kya's heart.

He hasn't changed. Not in the ways that matter.

"And I know you," Dlc responds, gently cupping Kya's cheeks.

"Of course you do."

Dlc searches Kya's face.

"May I—" he hesitates.

"You silly man," Kya chuckles, closing the distance between them.

Soft, Dlc thinks when he feels Kya's lips on his. Warmth pools in his gut and he tangles a hand in Kya's hair, the smack of their separating lips loud in his ears.

He could not shake his uneasiness. This can't be right, can it? He hadn't apologised for his behaviour four years ago and he was already making out with—

"Hush," Kya murmurs against his lips. "You're thinking far too loudly." He kisses him one last time before pulling away.

"The past is what it is. I forgave you long ago. You need to forgive yourself."

Dlc lowers his head.

"You are worthy of love." Kya kisses the crown of his head. Dlc looks up at him.

"You deserve love." Kya kisses his left eye.

"You are allowed love." Kya kisses his right eye.

"Will you receive love?" Kya asks, wiping the tears from Dlc's cheeks. Dlc snorts inelegantly at the impossible man before him and flings his arms around his neck, nodding his head.

"Good boy," Kya croons and Dlc shivers. Both of them file away that information for another day.

"Kya."

"Hm?"

"I want to give you love, but I'm not—" Dlc stops. Kya strokes his back. "Well, whatever is left of me, it's all yours."

"C'mere," Kya murmurs, pulling Dlc onto his lap.

"That's more than enough for me."

// end

i did not expect to have a 3.4k word count for my first threadfic but i suppose this is what happens when you write by the seat of your pants (and also when you have too many feelings about the way these two dance around each other)

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