Akiva Cohen Profile picture
Sep 29, 2022 14 tweets 5 min read Read on X
Hey, #LitigationDisasterTourists Judge Loose Cannon is at it again, apparently completely unchastened by the shellacking she received from the 8th circuit and once again handing Trump everything he asks for.

storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.usco…
Issue Number 1:

Cannon's order appointing Judge Dearie directed him to verify that the government's "Detailed Property Inventory" was full and accurate.

So Dearie directed the parties to do that. BOTH parties. Image
Not just the government, but also Trump had to make clear whether he was contending the inventory contained any items that weren't seized from the property ("say under oath that they were planted, motherfucker, I dare you"); or omitted anything, or misdescribed anything. ImageImage
#LooseCannon did not like that. Asking Trump to take positions under oath? No way.
Look, I can understand saying "he gets to revise objections if, after reviewing the documents, he realizes there's another objection to be made"

But "he doesn't have to take positions on this at all"? How is Dearie supposed to evaluate a privilege claim on a maybe-fake document?
"This is a document that the FBI may or may not have planted but which is also an executive privileged document that the FBI can't review"
Also ...
Judge Dearie's tight timelines?

Hahaha, no. This thing is extended to mid-December.

Rolling designations, so that Trump would identify a batch of documents and the government could respond? Nope. The government gets 11K designations dropped on it at once ... ImageImageImageImage
And then has 10 calendar days to identify, negotiate, and brief to the special master any disputes.

There is literally NO reason to do that *except* to burden the government and artificially advantage Trump. Her "avoid confusion" reasoning is a bad joke
Litigators know how to work rolling productions and deadlines. There wouldn't be any confusion. You work for a week, then send what you've got done at the end of the week. Easy. Not confusing at all.

But that wouldn't put the government at a disadvantage, so out it goes
Last, she REALLY didn't like Dearie suggesting that the 41g motion should go to the magistrate that issued the warrant. ImageImage
Look, all of this is a sideshow; the docs that really impact the potential criminal charges are the classified documents she tried to stop the criminal investigators from reviewing, and got reversed on. But it's ridiculous
Ugh. 11th
Also - 11th Circuit. Ugh, no idea why the brain fart

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More from @AkivaMCohen

Jun 30, 2023
OK, time to get myself ratioed.

The SCOTUS affirmative action decision was legally wrong - poorly reasoned and legally silly. But in the long run, and if it spurs schools to use socioeconomic status and opportunity as the finger on the scales, it will be a net positive
Race is a blunt instrument, and I think we *all* agree that, for example, Willow Smith doesn't need or warrant any sort of bump on her college application. But Willow Smith is a WILD outlier and "but what about [insert rare exception]" isn't a useful policy framework
So yeah, it was perfectly reasonable for universities to use that blunt instrument.

As many of these university reaction statements are making clear, the burden will now be to find finer instruments that allow for the same intended benefit of taking into account the very real
Read 7 tweets
Jun 9, 2023
This thread from Yesh is a good example of a philosophical mistake I like to call "solutionism" - the belief that if a problem is bad enough then there must be a solution out there to resolve it, because "yeah, it sucks, it can't be solved for" is too unthinkable to bear
You see it a lot in the context of Israel/Palestine, with people convinced that the right mixture of fairy dust & button pushing can lead to a peaceful resolution that addresses all of the important and competing imperatives, it's just that nobody has found the right mixture yet
And we're seeing it with "a large portion of the population is willing to believe any prosecution of crimes by Trump is political"

Yes, that sucks. Yes, that's a potentially society-destroying problem.

No, there isn't a solution
Read 8 tweets
Jun 9, 2023
@yesh222 You don't worry about that, because it's not a solveable problem. You keep doing the right thing and hope that convictions and mounting evidence prevents more people from joining the conspiracy theorists, but that's all you can do
@yesh222 I said this 4 years ago, and it's proven true in every particular.

Read 4 tweets
May 19, 2023
That she was the one stealing the bike.

Literally nothing she did on the video is consistent with her new story. When her colleague came over and the kids said "that's his bike, he already paid for it" she didn't deny it, or look surprised by the claim.
Like ... how do you determine truth in a they-said-she-said situation? Watch human behavior. Throughout the video, the kids' tone is exactly what you'd expect for someone who believes their own story. Hers very much is not
And when her colleague comes and suggests that the kids get another bike, and they say "no, he paid for that bike, he unlocked it, it's his" there's exactly no reaction of "no, *I* paid for it" or "what the hell", which is what you'd expect if they were lying
Read 4 tweets
May 9, 2023
Hey, Twitter, and especially my #LitigationDisasterTourists, gather round. B/cwhile DM is focusing in on the court finding that selling videogame cheats is criminal copyright infringement and RICO, I'd like to tell you about something different. The CFAA, and @KathrynTewson
And don't get me wrong - that RICO stuff is big news that should be sending shockwaves through the cheat software industry. Cheatmakers often use resellers. Being found liable on a RICO violation means that every reseller could potentially be liable for 100% of the damage caused
by the cheat software.

And by 100%, of course, I mean 300%, since RICO comes with treble damages. Plus attorneys' fees. So that's a big deal.

As is the finding that it's criminal copyright infringement. Those are both new precedents in the area, and that's huge.
Read 21 tweets
Mar 8, 2023
I'm not inclined to forgive antisemitism, but this is more a learning opportunity than a defenestration opportunity. There are people who still legitimately don't understand that "Jew down" or "gyp" are slurs; it's just a phrase they've grown up around and use w/o thought
And yes, he doubled down when called out on it. That's almost always going to happen when someone who sincerely doesn't believe they're doing anything bigoted is called out for it in a public setting.

The real test will be whether he can learn (& apologize) as he gets more info
Also, HOLY FUCKING SHIT @pnj, you couldn't find an *actual* Jew to get a quote from, so you decided to go to a Christian LARPing as a Jew for missionizing purposes? What the absolute fuck? pnj.com/story/news/loc…
Read 4 tweets

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