Thread by @SierrasOasis

1/? It is #NationalComingOutDay and that marks one year of being out in academia.

But coming out is a process that continues over the years. You come out over and over again, deciding when to bring people in on that, explaining yourself to people again, etc.

So some thoughts!

2/? First thought. Coming out is this weird act of protest in a world that thinks of us as other. We throw ourselves out into the world to say "hello, I am here, this is who I am, get over it."

Because, to flip the script, we don't have big moments to announce we're straight.

3/? I still think Coming Out is powerful, but it is worth remembering that this is a framing in which we are considering how LGBTQ folk are the outlier in the systems in place.

Thankfully, GenZ looks 50% queer, so I think this will change with time. Hurrah!

4/? Second thought: it is still kind of sad that my order of coming out was friends -> social -> work -> family.

That family would be where I felt the least safe coming out. Though maybe work got pushed up a bit by the necessity of it. I *was* growing boobs, after all.

5/? Third thought: the logistics were a pain in the butt and sometimes made ME feel the guilty one.

"Oh no. I'm giving a talk and I'm not out yet. I'm going to have a recorded talk with my deadname on it. But I don't want to give them a hassle..."

6/? Heck, I actually chose a first name I probably would have ditched to preserve initials. That way, my last few papers could be A.S. Villarreal!

Turns out, I could just get the papers to change it. Mostly. Still haven't reached out on that defunct Hungarian journal.

7/? And don't get me started on how many processes are a pain in the butt for trans folk who want to be addressed by a new name.

It took forever to get things changed in some places. FOREVER.

8/? Fourth thought: for me, it was utterly liberating and I do not regret it.

Admittedly, I had somewhat of a special situation. I was working from home at the time. I could take things with grace. It'd be another six months before I showed up to the office again.

9/? Now the office has to deal with me in Ms. Frizzle dresses and petticoats. They're lucky I've skipped on the corset.

For now.

I say deal with, but really nobody cares. Astro fashion is weird.

10/? Fifth thought: coming back to that idea of how coming out is a continual thing.

Things might change!

Sometimes I consider using neopronouns. On some days, ze/zir feels empowering. To me, it feels like reclaiming part of me that society very much wants to stamp out.

11/? And if I were to pursue that, it would be like a whole other little coming out party again!

"Could you all please switch to using these pronouns to refer to me please?"

Over and over and over. And that is a relatively straightforward change!

12/? I am a big fan of describing gender as being in a non-discrete space and then trying to describe where you are in terms of giant bins for the sake of yourself and other people.

And so to me, saying a different bin is more accurate feels... a natural part of learning you.

13/? My place in the binning has always been a little *precarious*. Despite how hecking femme I dress (example provided), sometimes I have been hesitant to claim that bin of "woman."

Is it internalized transphobia? Is it being uncomfortable being that binary trans? Who knows!

14/? But as a result, there may come a day when I decide that when trying to localize where I am on the spectrum of gender identities, I might realize the wrong bin suits me.

Maybe I'll say "nonbinary trans feminine" again. Maybe "trans woman" will stick more.

15/? But the point remains that for queer people, many of our identities are in this fuzzier space. We may have to come out again to our friends and families as we realize something new about ourselves.

It is often not a one-and-done thing!

16/? And it's so friggin' impacted by society throughout. Heck, part of me avoiding ze/zir pronouns is:

1) it will break my scientific community and while that would be hilarious I'm sure I would be groaning by the end of it,

17/? and 2) it would absolutely involve a lot of other people trying to say something about which gender bin that I belong in, because people are hecky about pronouns sometimes.

And coming out is scary! Who wants to do it over and over again?!

18/? And of course, coming out can be *dangerous*. I did it in a stable position where nobody's reaction could have really changed my course.

Well, maybe got forced out of academia, but I had a decent read on my communities enough to think I'd be fine.

19/? So some people just won't come out for their own protection and that is hecking valid.

You don't need to come out.

Treat yourself kindly first and remember—this isn't a necessity to being queer, it is an act of queer protest.

20/20 So I raise a glass (of coffee) to everyone coming out today! It's a fine act of protest against a cishet normative system!

Make waves! Let them know that the world will leave them behind if they don't accept and love us and celebrate us!

And don't feel ashamed of you.

21/20 Bonus post!

Just saying, those ze/zir pronouns do always need further scientific testing...